CHRISTIANS ONLY: My fiancé and I are Christians but struggling with sexual sin...we get married in March.?

Question

Could anyone please help with advice or something??

Answer 1

If you are getting married, why not say your vows a little sooner? It is better to say the vows sooner and have the blessing of the Lord than to start your married with the heavy burden of sin. If you find you cannot fight the natural urges, get married sooner!

Answer 2

That's a toughie. If you're both struggling, you might want to ask yourselves if sex is the driving force behind your relationship? Yes, it is an important part of keeping a marriage together, but is it the only thing that's keeping you together? Surely, there's more to a relationship that you want to last a lifetime? If it's not the only focus of your relationship, practicing a bit of self-control shouldn't be too difficult.

Why not test the strength of your relationship through abstinence for just another 3 months? Afterall, you'll have a lifetime of intimacy after you're married, maybe so much more, you might want a break once in a while and wondered why you couldn't abstain for that 3 months prior.

If you happen to conceive before your wedding, there is the consideration of your child asking awkward questions when he/she comes of age or facing the unasked questions in the eyes of your friends/family etc. Will you have to face a lifetime of questions? Consider how it could dog you for the rest of your lives. Being the sincere people you are, it would be difficult.

Since you're asking this question and acknowledge that it's sin, you also know that you have a promise in 1 John 1:9. What's past is past, decide from now what you must do.

Answer 3

I understand and sympathize with your struggle, I do not have scripture that would give an answer and I am no authority but I do know two of my friends that have been happily married and adherent to scripture did during there engagement of which may be of help.

1) though he lived with his fiancé prior to there engagement and I know they had premarital sex, once he proposed he moved out with a friend for the month leading to the wedding.
2) This friend did not have premarital sex and after the proposal and as the wedding approached the sexual tension between the two of them was thick and caused some stupid arguments between them. They just toughed it out and tried to be alone together rarely in the last two weeks leading to the marriage.

In both cases tension was great and they did what they could to avoid, monitor and endure the temptation. Historically this was not an issue as the parties rarely lived in close proximity and families rarely allowed a none married or none relative alone together.

Answer 4

Are you struggling to wait until March? Or because you didn't wait? If it's the first, I remember a couple in the church I attended a few years ago. The question came up during a class I was in as was the young man. He stood up and told us that they went through the struggle to wait. They knew they loved each other and were getting married after all. But what if something happened and the marriage couldn't take place. They decided to wait. He said it was the best decision for them. Their wedding night, he said, was "something else." He was proud to tell the congregation that he saw his wife so beautiful, so loving, and she was his to love and care for.

If you did not wait, and it's causing a struggle which may be guilt? Talk to each other and pray together. God certainly understands because He made us, and He also created the act of making love to be so tender and beautiful between two people who vow before Him to love and honor each other in all ways. As another said, March is not that far away; it just seems so. After all, can you believe it's almost Christmas already?

Answer 5

Look first sex is not a sin,If it feels good how can it be a sin.Ok here is the deal if you feel you are live in sexual sin stop.You said you were geting married in March so as long as you are still geting married then there is no big deal.You both are Christians and you both were having sex together.The old try it before you buy it still works fine, don't make a big deal out of it.As long as you both are still geting married it is ok.The paster would only say that it is a sin if your not married.But hey what does he know!Look just get married and every thing is cool don't make a big deal out of it.

Answer 6

To help with this, I think it boils down to asking yourself why you want to not have sex until you are married.

When I was single, my reason was that I didn't want to cheat on my future wife. After I was engaged, that reason didn't help me much and I had a hard time.

A far better reason to avoid sex until after you are married would be because you want to please God.

That's a simple answer to a hard temptation, I know, but I think that's really what it is.

My practical advice is to avoid places where you can be tempted. Sometimes, you just have to leave:

2 Timothy 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Do group things more. Be out in public more.

Since none of this will really work (you know - spirit is willing, flesh is weak kind of thing), move up the wedding date :-)

Answer 7

It really is a hard subject and a hard thing to struggle with. I guess the best thing to tell you to do is to talk to your Fiance and let tell him no more sex until we get married. I know that you already know this to. But it's the only answer. Now it's hard to do this when we are close to this person and naturally we enjoy to be with the person that we love the most. But as you know to do the right thing sometimes is not always the easy thing to do. You know that old satan is going to make it as hard on you as he can so that you will go against God's will. satan knows that he will lose very soon so he is trying to take down all the good Christians that he can and so are his followers. Naturally they will tell you that it is right and if it feels right then to do it. But we both know that we have to be strong to do the will of God. Remember that Jesus came so that we can have forgiveness from all sins. So when you get married ask for God to Forgive you through Jesus Christs name and then be happy. Good Luck to you and your Fiance. God Bless You.

Answer 8

I had this problem too before I got married six months ago. My wife and I loved (love) each other, and of course there was the want to show natural affection towards each other. Admittedly, we didn't do very good. The best advice I can give you is don't be alone at your house or his. I know that sounds difficult, but if you put yourself in that position, you are no doubt going to do something. I would say that if I could go back I would have spent much more time outside my house...it was very provocative to be in a house alone with a woman I was attracted to. Praying would help too, at least so your carnal mind is as small as possible during the final run. :)

Good luck and congrats!

Answer 9

If you are sincere and trust each other, why not. However , you must be absolutely sure, you sound like people who have a moral value, it is an important decision but should be natural. If you start thinking about it too much then wait until it does feel right.

Answer 10

When ‘ fornication ‘ is mentioned in the Bible it is either homosexuality , adultery , bestiality or incest , Not heterosexual pre-marital sex .

I can’t find anywhere in the Bible where is says ‘ No Sex Before Marriage ‘ - can anyone give me the verse ?

- Why do you want only Christains to reply ? Are you saying the secular world can't give good or better advice for intimate relationships ?