My daughter came to us after fleeing violent partner. After 4 weeks she has shown signs of lacking home making, parenting, communication and social skills. Her daughter's speech is also delayed and cries for the slightest thing. If I correct her she tells me to shut up, get out, dick head and don't you dare! she will be three in January. Help please!
2007-11-26 00:46:19 · 11 answers · asked by sancocho 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There's a reality programme on tv, don't know what it's called, where a nanny stays with a family for a week to sort out problems they're having...and each time she succeeds. If you know what I'm talking about watch it...because it's a real eye-opener! It's always the parents who have to be trained first before the children can change. This means that your daughter first has to learn a lot about bringing up kids. Is she willing? Does she want a good, warm, rewarding relationship with her daughter, or does she want her to grow into a dirty-mouthed, rude, anti-social problem?! It takes courage and determination, not just love, to bring up kids. You are the grandmother, not the mother, but if you intend to be a family for the foreseeable future, then you and your daughter have to be united and agree on some rules in bringing up the child. Only then will you succeed. Otherwise the child will only get more confused and use you both against each other. You need some real help here. Get some books, tapes etc, or see a counsellor, but your daughter really must wake up to reality...and put her own daughter first before it's too late!
2007-11-26 08:06:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i could be wrong but it may be orginally because of the violent relationship. my mum and dad were constantly violent to each other when i was a baby and growing up, i witnessed the most horrible things as a child and it effected me the same way as your granddaughter. i now have no social skills, no confidence and constant depression. it may not be the same sitation in your case, but its possible. you need to speak to your daughter and let her know what you have picked up on. also as she has been in a horrible relationship, she may have been finding it hard to cope and make sure her daughter gets raised 'properly' or just not know how to so this is her cry out for help from you. i think the best thing to do is spend as much time with your grand daughter as possible to help this situation, find ways of changing certain things like her speech etc and disipline her when she cries or has tantrums. shes still very young so things can be changed now, but if its left too long like it was with me then she could turn out a lot worse. when she says horrible things to you tell her that its naughty or something similar and make her realise she has to stop. also make sure she gets plenty of love and attention, she may be lacking in this too. i never had any of that as a child and things may have been different if i did. once you talk this through with your daughter both of you can sort it before its too late, but something can be done if you stick to it. good luck and i hope i helped.
2007-11-26 01:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by * Mummy to 2 Girls * 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as if your daughter needs help get her to your local GP, in the mean time just continue to give them both love and support, your gran daughter has clearly learnt some bad behaviour from your daughter's ex but is young enough to be put right by a caring and loving grand parent, it maybe that you have to take over some of the parenting for a short time, it will take time to correct what has gone wrong but it is not impossible. Show her and tell her that you love her and she will start to trust you.
I have has some experience with this kind of behaviour and I find that staying calm and just letting them know that you are there and letting them know that no matter what you are going to be there and will still love them works best. If she says things like she hates you or doesn't like you tell her that it is OK that she doesn't like you but that you still like her. She needs to have her feelings validated but you also need to let her know that her behaviour isn't acceptable just remember to remain clam at all times.
I wish I could speak to you at greater length about this or indeed come and help you out, my heart goes out to you all. Good Luck.
2007-11-26 02:39:56 · answer #3 · answered by karen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That girl has heard way to much already. You are going to have to stay calm and try to talk her through it by letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable. You are going to have to ignore her outbursts of anger. When she talks rudely or cusses then you need to put a hot pepper in her mouth.
Talk to your daughter about how you feel. Tell her that she is going to have to step up to the plate and take a more responsible role in her daughter's life.
As far as her speech delays the only way you can work on that is by playing games with her that involve words, thinking, and pictures....get some flash cards and just start going to town with it. Let her watch nothing but educational shows. Talk to her about school and how important it is...talk about getting to go to preschool and how they won't let her play with the other kids if she acts like she does.
If none of this works get the girl some therapy.
2007-11-26 00:56:45 · answer #4 · answered by mamabee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with your daughter & tell her that her daughter's behaviour is not acceptable. If she won't take a stand against a 2yr old then maybe you should have a word with your local health visitor. it must be tough on the child this is probably her way of lashing out but she needs to be shown that she is loved & that she is the child & you are the adult. It could take some time but u must never back down or you will have lost
2007-11-27 07:43:54 · answer #5 · answered by jean s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur daughter is going through a hard time so u need to jump in shuffle a few things. 1st things 1st u need to control ur g daughter. let ur daughter get to grips and u take over as the mother for a while. parenting is essential for children. yes there will be a slight slap, or a bit of nagging but u gt to do it otherwise she will never learn and grow up like that.
2007-11-26 01:31:41 · answer #6 · answered by lovely g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give in. Keep pointing out to your granddaughter that what she's saying is not correct. Eventually she'll learn. And I believe children easier listen to grandparents. I know I was that way. As to your daughter, sit down with her over some coffee and talk about the situation. She has to take control over her daughter's behaviour, or she'll regret it in a few years.
2007-11-26 00:51:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your granddaughter has obviously been affected by what was going on in her home judging by her behaviour. Spend time with her and show her love and affection which she is clearly lacking from your daughter at the moment. She just needs to feel secure and loved.
2007-11-26 01:22:06 · answer #8 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a good grand parent and take this beautiful child in for counceling sessions. Try and give her as much love and support as you possibly can. It wasn't only her mommy who fled an abusive home, she did too. It wouldn't hurt to take mom with too! They both need the help!! Your the one who can guide them to that door of help!
I fell for all 3 of you!!
2007-11-26 01:00:52 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your daughter to get parenting classes
2007-11-26 01:09:26 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋