I no the title is not very promising is it? I have been hanging with a new friend which i met through my passion of photography for a up to 5 months now. We are really good mates and hes a top guy and I rate him highly. He has an honesty which I haven't come across like his for a long time.
Anywho so I like him....in many ways we get along great, have similar likes and views etc. He could have everything i want in a guy. However....he was over my house for dinner the other night and basically openly admitted he was an extremely heavy drinker. Telling me what he was able to consume left me in disbelief...it would kill most people. Im not sure if he is aware he has a problem or not? I noticed it to start of with…but I just went into denial and didn’t really think much of it. Now I regret not watching the signs to start with.
That night the line may have gotten crossed and I was slightly lost in the momment, we were cuddling on the couch and such and he kissed me goodbye. I am now regretting letting that line be stepped over...i think.
I regret the fact I let it go to far...and now I have to tell him I need someone who is straight. I don’t want to loose him as a friend and im scared I will. I don’t want to offend him either, but im hoping maybe something like this will make him question his drinking???? Im so confused….then my other side is like I like him so much…what if I am doing something I may regret for a long time. How do I tell him this without offending or hurting him????......How do I tell him….with the fear he will not want anything more to do with me………….
2007-11-25 21:35:59 · 9 answers · asked by Boogie M 1 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Other - Diseases
Yes I am female sorry. How do I go about letting him down lightly? I dont no...i guess in the end sometimes the truth hurts....im just confused and dissapointed i guess....thanks to you all for your insight....im just a little lost.
2007-11-25 22:03:28 · update #1
wow thanks for all the help, to be honest i wasnt expecting actual responces that could truely help though I think a vast amjority of you have hit the nail on the head. You dont no how much some of those thoughts have helped me and I thank you all. I think honesty is the best policy and Ill tell him everything and just be friends.... im not sure how to go about it though? Im a little scared....but I think this is the best choice.
Reply
2007-11-26 22:20:07 · update #2
Tell him how you feel about his drinking and how it worries you, and that you will support him if he needs to seek help...if you are in a relationship you need that openess and trust..if you are not in a relationship and are 'just friends' then you should be able to talk..if this doesn't work then maybe you need to lay low and let him work it out himself...if you are his friend and really like him and vice versa you should be able to talk openly..
good luck
2007-11-25 21:41:17 · answer #1 · answered by shari b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dad is a alcholic and I am a daddy's girl. He is a great man even when he drinks but if your not used to him like my boyfriend they dont like him.
Now, I would have warned you that getting involved with an alcholic is a bad idea,but I think you know that. Calling attention to his alcholism is not a good idea. It can make them mad even if you never seen him angry or violent even if he is drunk.He has the chance of being that. Alcholics are like Dr.Jeckyl/Mr.Hyde. and even after you know him for 25yrs. you still dont.
He obviously has some issues that he is not dealing with and you cant solve them. You can try to help him by getting his friends and family together for a intervention but that doesnt always work.
Let him down easy at a place where there is no alchol and do it early enough that he is either sobar or partially sober, so you can rationalize with him and explain how much you llike him and what you said here, but right now things are a little busy with you and you can see that he is busy too and its in both your intrest. All you have to do is twist and exaggerate what he is doing.
As for you regreating it I dont think so bc the flip side of it is you fall more in love with the man and then you are walking down the isle and making excuses for him. and if you have kids explaining why daddy does what he does and it will be like being a single mother. then you will leave him you will have harder time. or if you stay you will not be happy and then you will wish that you cut it off before.
If you are not fully happy and lying to yourself even a little doesnt count and will not make your relationship good and you would need that with an alcholic. I wish you the best.
2007-11-26 07:06:40 · answer #2 · answered by lizzi9983 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being mates with a alcoholic, is alright. But aside from work I
would keep him away from, getting a chance to cross that line
again. It's a bad idea anyway. Things become very sticky when you do have a falling out. Go forward at your own risk.
Best of luck.
2007-11-26 05:49:40 · answer #3 · answered by Bob Dylan ♪ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you male or female? If female, remember that you cannot change a man once he is out of diapers. And alcohol WILL be his chosen "best friend" until he changes himself. Not good for a significant other, but tolerable in a companion for good times.
If you are a male, you have enough of a difficult time fighting public prejudice against homosexuality, and alcohol will kill him, or you, before you get settled. Find a partner without booze.
2007-11-26 05:43:10 · answer #4 · answered by Thorbjorn 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married to an alcoholic for 7 years and it nearly ruined my life...
I am glad to be divorced from him...
All he did was spend money on booze and lose jobs and cheat on me...
Alcoholism needs to be treated by a doctor and only then can he really try to quit...
It will take years as well...
I would leave now and just explain to him he is drinking too much and you can't handle it...
Truth hurts, but it must be said...
Alcoholics only clean up their life if they lose everything that means anything to them...
2007-11-26 05:44:01 · answer #5 · answered by aspenkdp2003 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him... I love hanging out with you. We have so much in common, and I don't want that to stop, but there can't be a romantic relationship between us until you get your drinking under control.
2007-11-26 05:43:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is better for you to part ways. He may be honest and a good human being, but after drinks (and that too heavy), one will not be able to control and become devil and if you keep contacts with him, one day you will have to repent.
2007-11-26 05:41:41 · answer #7 · answered by Good Man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't do it. keep him as a friend IF you feel it's wise. if you can't handle just being friends with him, cut it off. my step-father started with alcohol, then went to drugs, then tried to kill my mother. needless to say, nothing turned out well.
2007-11-26 05:41:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Show him this post and tell him its about him and that you wrote it.
2007-11-26 05:39:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋