Mother in Law disappointed if i have a boy?!?

Question

ok......i've only been married for 6 months and just started ttc #1 (not that she knows).... but mother in law is always making comments on how it would be her bad luck if i had a boy instead of a girl! it's because she only had boys and longed for a girl....but her comments really offend me because if i am able to have a healthy baby, regardless of sex, then I'll be so happy- she said that when she found out my husband was a boy she was heartbroken! It has not been a single comment- but many, she even said it once around my parents (they think she is an idiot)- how can i deal with these comments without getting hurt every time? Please help!
My husband has never been close to her and thinks she's insensitive too- but it doesn't really effect him much so he won't say anything..........

Answer 1

I read your story and the only difference between yours and mine is that my husband and his mother are closer than I had ever known a mother/son to be. Could be the reason she hates me, then and even now (14 years later!) ugh...Different subject, sorry.

She only had 2 boys. They have a pretty extended family with a makeup of probably 90% boys. This lady was determined that her son was going to have HER a girl. O.k. whatever. Talk to God about that one. hehe

Two years ago, it came time to have a baby for us. (yes, we waited until we were old fogies.) Well, not really fogies, yet. We were married out of high school and still had a lot of growing up to do.

So, I digress....

From the instant she found out I was pregnant, it was girl talk. Sure, she was "concerned" about the health, but it always went back to gender. I cried, a lot, over that. I would often ask my husband throughout the pregnancy if she was obsessed to the point where she wouldn't welcome a boy. He kept assuring me that wasn't the case and she merely "wished" for a girl, but would love a boy just the same. I don't know your past with your in-laws and how they treat you, as an individual, but if they treat you anything like mine did I had reason to be concerned.

Then the day came for the ultrasound where we found out the sex of the baby. I made my husband promise not to tell her we were going to the doctor that day because I didn't want my happy news ruined. She was sure to show up. Invited or not. He agreed and we went to the appointment. About 5 minutes into the ultrasound, the doctor told us that everything was progressing very normally, the baby looked very healthy, etc. Then came time and she asked us if we wanted to know the sex. YES! we both said. Are you sure? she said. YES!

It's a..........

BOY!

Well, at that moment, I didn't care who, what or when. That was my baby, my boy. I looked at my 6'3 husband and he was balling. That, by the way, was 1 of 2 times I saw him that way. The other? The second he saw our son come into the world. Inconsolable, he was.

We got home from the doctor and decided on the drive home that we would call the family with the news. First was my small family. Mom/Dad and sister. Everyone ecstatic on my end. Then, his parents.

We decided to call them on speaker phone. The phone rang FOREVER (2 1/2 times) and his dad picked up. My hubby told him that we went to the doctor that day and we knew the sex of the baby. His dad told him to hold on while he got his mom. She picked up the other phone and his dad got back on the line as well announcing they were both on the line.

My husband started again that we got back from the doctor, everything was progressing normally and that our baby looked beautiful and very healthy. Then, he said we knew the sex of the baby. SILENCE.

"Mom? Dad? Are you there?" he said.

"Yes, son we are here. What are we having?"

"A BOY! We're so happy"

SILENCE again...

"Oh, what wonderful news, I'm so happy for you two" his mom said.

Then she said: "I knew what it was going to be. Just last week I woke your father out of his sleep and told him I dreamed it was going to be a boy".

The rest of that conversation is blurry to me because it kind of went down hill while she "tried" to act happy but wasn't coming across that way. The conversation, of course, went back to her. We've waited so long for our only grand baby...Oh how I've prayed for a girl...etc.etc.etc.

Needless to say, I was pretty upset. For the rest of the pregnancy things got a little better though. After the shower she seemed to perk up to the idea a bit more as it got closer.

Let me fast forward for your poor weary eyes. I am so sorry this has turned into a novel.

The birth.

She beat US to the hospital. WOW, o.k.

Nine hours after checking in a beautiful, perfect and healthy baby boy emerged into the world.

I was in the room when she came rushing in with his father in tow. She was outside of the delivery room the whole time. They ran over to the baby. I will say here, that with as many, many issues we've had over the years this moment will be forever etched into my mind as one of my best memories, ever.

I looked over when I heard sobbing. New sobbing that I didn't recognize. My husband, mother and sister were all in the delivery room when I gave birth and I was familiar with their joyful cries. Mother in law crying, because she's happy, was something that after many years I had never heard.

When I looked over, what I saw was a first time grandmother peering at her grandson while the nurses poked him and roughed him up as they apparently do to a newborn. Her knees were shaking...literally. Shaking. To the point where my father in law had to break his eyesight away from the baby to rush to get her a chair before she fell over.

She opened her mouth, like she wanted to say something, when she looked over at me and my husband while I was still being cared for after the birth. Nothing came out. Only more tears. I wasn't prepared for that reaction seeing as she was so adamant at having a girl. I knew she wouldn't "hate" the baby, it was her only grandchild. But, considering all I heard for years before I got pregnant and throughout my pregnancy..."girl, girl, girl". I wasn't at all ready for this.

Fast forward again. The baby got wheeled away to get checked over while they finished up in the room. My mother in law saying at every step they wheeled our son away, "please be careful with him". "When is he coming back"? "Please hurry". They assured her all would be fine and he would be back within an hour. She finally let them go. They left and she came over to us. She broke down again. All she could talk about was how much she loved us, how perfect the baby was, how she was so happy and ecstatic over him, etc.

WHAT, you love US? As in me included? (no I didn't say that, it certainly would not have been appropriate given the moment, but I sure as all heck was thinking it!)

Well, let me tell you the true fast forward version. Our baby is 2 1/2 now and although everyone in our family loves and adores him as expected, my mother in law is inseparable from that baby. She A.D.O.R.E.S him to the ends of the earth. I've often commented to my husband that she couldn't love him anymore if he was a girl. It doesn't matter if she's sick or tired, she wants to see that baby, a lot. Even on our days off from work, she calls to check on him and will spend hours on the phone talking to him. It usually ends up with her asking if we will bring him over for the day or night so we can "get a break". She throws in the break part, but what she really means is that she cannot go a day without seeing him.

Again, I apologize for the length of my story. But I said it all to you in hopes it would set your worried mind at ease. Sure, not every story is my story, but I feel in this situation you will have the same result. When a baby is born, all of what we "thought" before we were parents quickly doesn't matter. I know you've heard that before, but believe me, it is a fact. The feeling of carrying your baby for nine months, then seeing him/her emerge into this world is a feeling that I couldn't fully describe if you offered me 10k to do so. It is an instant feeling that never goes away.

I don't claim to know it all about motherhood. I don't even claim to be qualified to give advice on anything parenting. But, what I can guarantee is that when your baby gets here no one will care what is between his/her legs. No one.

Have fun TTC, but most of all, enjoy every minute of your pregnancy and know that a few months after you get the news that you are expecting, you will be in for the most life altering, mind boggling over joyous experience of your life. Happy doesn't even come close to what you are sure to feel. The same goes with your mother in law and anyone else who thinks they have a say.

Good luck with everything. I HTH.

Answer 2

As hard as it is, ignore her comments. My mother in law says a lot of things that I have to just ignore to keep the peace, even when inside I'm seething.
It's not your fault she didn't have a girl. It's not "her bad luck" if you have a boy. It's not her baby, it's yours.
You could try to talk to her about her comments and tell her that they upset you, if you think that will help. Or, next time she makes a comment just look at her and say that the most important thing is that you have a healthy baby, regardless of the sex. Maybe she'll get the hint.
Good luck!

Answer 3

Just let her RAMBLE! She is old and is only remembering her life. It's what we all do when we get old! Don't take it personal, you can be stronger than that!!! You should be on cloud nine and happy now. Don't let things like harmless comments bring you down! Just say well If it's a boy this time maybe it'll be a girl next itme...things like that, ask her advise about boys and get her train of thought onto raising a boy. . Just acknowledge that you know her feelings, but don't over react. Your emotions are going to be very sensitive now remember that! We have to get along to keep the family peace.

Answer 4

Just tell her it hurts your feelings to think she'd be disappointed if the child were a boy. All you long for is a healthy baby and hope she can do the same.
My next thought is what's she going to be like if it IS the girl she has always longed for? You could have way bigger problems on your hands.
Congratulations and best of luck!

Answer 5

My daughter was 10 lbs when born two weeks early. My niece was bigger than my nephew when she was born. So I think size just depends on the child. My MIL does this with my SIL and it drives her nuts! She did it with me a little bit but not as much. It is annoying but you are best not saying anything... if it really bothers you then ask your husband to tell her it bothers HIM when she says that and that your child has a perfectly wonderful mother and has some of her attributes as well. Once her son says it to her, she'll probably get a little better at it.

Answer 6

My response would be this is not about you or luck. This is a about us having a healthy child. Many people can not have children or have many complications and long for a child who is healthy boy or girl so please, enough I do not want to talk about this anymore. If another boy in the family is a disappointment to you and you feel that your unlucky then maybe you should talk to someone else about it as I no longer want to hear your inappropreate remarks.

Answer 7

its your baby, not hers! i think her comments are a bit mean. surely she should be grateful to have a healthy grandchild regardless of sex! i think what she said about your husband is quite cruel. thats probably why he isnt close to his mum. if my mum ever said that about me i wouldnt wanna talk to her anymore! you could always try to ignore her, but if she carries on with the remarks, tell her that its your baby. you cant decide whether you have a boy or girl. you could always get your parents to have a word with her, and get them to make her understand that her comments are hurtful and that your parents dont like her attitude.

Answer 8

Sounds like your mother in law is a real peach. Hopefully she lives far away. She should be happy that you are going to give her a grandchild. And either sex shouldnt matter to her.

Answer 9

Just tell her you don't have a choice over what gender God gives you. Its a 50/50 probability. Have fun with the baby!

Answer 10

She is your mother-in-law and you have to bear with her. Since you cannot do something about it, you have to learn how to tolerate her. If you hear comments from her that make you mad, just count 1 to 10. If you are the one who can understand her, do so. To avoid trouble. If you can, try to avoid seeing her.

Answer 11

You say to her..."I dont want you to speculate on the sex of my baby anymore it is not your place and if you do it again, I will just walk out of here."
LEave it at that...if she does comment again then walk out of the room/house...nip it in the bud now...or when baby does arrive she will think she has the right to comment on everything to do with it.