I lost him exactly one year ago. It was the day after his 60th birthday, and cancer literally ate him away to nothing. It was horrible. Worse, I kept hoping he would get better, and put off talking to him, because the illness (that he hid for 2 years!) changed his personality so much. Before that, we used to talk nearly every night on the phone, sometimes for hours (both of us single).The only positive thing is that I met my now-husband just before I found out he was sick, and he became my lifeline and confidante insted of my Dad. If that hadn't happened, I don't think I could have borne the loss of him at all.
The problem is, whenever I think about him, it hurts SO badly, so deeply, and it never gets better. Is a year too soon? Will it hurt less, ever? I feel like my soul is being destoyed every night when I lay down to sleep. I keep searching my memory for how I could have saved him (he refused to go to the Dr for a year), words he said that I should have treasured & didn't. Help!
2007-11-25 20:27:53 · 7 answers · asked by Mina 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't think anyone will ever "get over" a loved one's lost. Yes a year is too soon. As soon as you think you've got a hold of yourself, the anniversary of his death will come up again, and you basically go through it all over again that day...but, you'll learn to cope with the pain over time, especially when you have such a strong life line (husband) to turn to. There's nothing you could have done to save him, it was up to God, and God decided your father should join him up above. Try to remember good memories of you and your father together, so you can smile everytime you think of him...and he'll be smiling down on you.
2007-11-25 20:40:18 · answer #1 · answered by xsphattygurl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad one year ago as well and I know the pain you speak of, I feel it too. Some days are good, but some days are so hard to get through and I cry myself to sleep or wake up crying because I dreamed of him and it was so vivid. This happened to me this morning, which is why I am reading topics about this today, I've been unsettled the entire day, something I'm sure you are all too familiar with. I do know that it is still so early and the pain is so raw still with it only being one year. If you're anything like me, you probably just started coming to realize the fact that he is actually gone in just the past few months. I feel like the first several months it just didn't hit me, it wasn't real and I floated through, numb. Now we're starting to realize that they are not coming back to us and it hurts like hell all over again. I really believe that time heals all, and if we can just hang in there it will get a little more bearable. I think for the rest of my life I will still have times where I just break down and cry, but hopefully it won't be as bad as it is now. You are also dealing with the exact 1 year anniversary so I'm sure things will get a little shaky at this time every year, but be kind to yourself, you are dealing with a LOT. And just feel through your feelings, let yourself cry and I know it will get better. Think of your dad and the things that you did treasure, instead of what you didn't. I have that same problem. I feel like I didn't do enough, or that if I had just tried harder or told him I loved him one more time, then it all would have been okay. We'll eat ourselves alive with the "what ifs". I'm not sure if any of this rambling of mine has helped you at all, but just know that you are not alone, and we will get through, one day at a time. Hang in there!
2007-11-27 07:13:11 · answer #2 · answered by M W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Dad died in 1998 and ive never gotten over missing him. Xmas and brithdays have less meaning. The pain in time lessens to acceptance of death itself, it happens to those we love and we are left without them. Also families fight when there's death around, seems to be par for the course.
He made his own decisions and surley you have the admit he had the right to decide to not seek help earlier, and maybe he should have talked to you but........... frankly all these things are a denial of the fact that nothing in life can stay the same and death itself happens to us all -but being left behind feels like being abandoned.
Your in the angry stage of grief and thats ok. Talk to your Dad, in the core of things i promise you will find him.
In the cycle of grief we all think we could have saved someone, but remember we are fragile creatures with little evidence of what happens we die and losing someone we love causes us to not only suffer but often rack our brains to lay blame or try and think what could have been.
Your father is at peace. Its Xmas soon and no daddy there, sweety it will always hurt -but right now its all pretty fresh so this year will be a hard Xmas. Talk to your man and tell him how you feel and try to think about how you will get through Xmas and then think about what your Dad would want for you.
Love can hurt, but arent you glad you had him and that he is your dad and always will be , nomatter what happens you have good memories, hang on to those.
I am thinking of you at this time and send you a big hug.
2007-11-25 23:26:25 · answer #3 · answered by heardcrombie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father passed away on the 29 september this year, 37 days later on the 6th November my mom died. Both had cancer. Towards the end my dad didnt even know who i was. He too hid his illness until it was too late to do anything. I know how you feel. If it helps then write a letter addressed to him, tell him how you feel and what you have been doing since. It wont take away the pain but it may make it abit more bearable. You could always seek a bereavement counsellor.
2007-11-25 21:03:30 · answer #4 · answered by mel_worton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was two years of a raw ache for me. It has been 10 years now and I still miss him terribly but the horrible gut wrenching agony is past. I am sorry you have regrets about his passing and this may extend your grief in a negative way. Forgive yourself. It will get better, I promise.
2007-11-25 20:44:37 · answer #5 · answered by dallas 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you'll never get over losing him.But you'll learn to deal with it. I've lost three people close to me.Remember, everyone has a reason for being here, and when we do what we want to do, then we leave. You would have no control over that.
2007-11-26 00:30:09 · answer #6 · answered by SandraR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i couldnt imagin losing my dad. i just imagined knowing hes dead and ill never see him again and i got the feeling i bet you feel!
2007-11-25 20:35:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋