i had a secret relationship with a family friend.we had a relationship at the same time he was engaged to marry a girl he got pregnant.he said he didn't love her and would never marry but he did and since i really loved him even after he was married our relationship continued and when i finally realize i want to stop it i found out i was pregnant.now i'm raising my son alone without any help from him.he lives just beside our house and his son is only 6 mons older from mine.i don't want my son to be hurt knowing that his father is just there but doesn't care for him at all.it's only me and him who knows the truth no one else does...i wanna keep it a secret but what should i tell my son when he'll ask me someday who his father is...
2007-11-25 19:00:14 · 13 answers · asked by iane_d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You have got to be honest with your son. If you don't tell him the truth, then you will be the one in the hot seat, meaning that he will resent you for not allowing him to know his father, especially being that he lives right next door.
Even the father must know that he has another son. You should not keep that from him even if he doesn't want to accept the fact. -At least he knows. Then your son will not blame you, he will see his father for what he is so that he may move on. The past does not matter. All that matters is now and what your son needs and your son needs his father.
-God Bless.
2007-11-25 19:14:13 · answer #1 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will ask someday and he should know the truth. You obviously love the guy if you are willing to sacrifice your child like this. He has a right to know who his father is whether daddy wants anyone to know or not. The father should also be honoring his responsibility.
When you're child finds out from someone else who is father is and that you hid it from him and let him think the guy next door was just the neighbor, he will resent you and be angry with you not just the father. My poor uncle found out from a neighbor brat on the school bus! More people probably suspect the truth then you think.
By trying to hide your secret you are denying your child so much. You're risking him growing up wondering why daddy abandoned or didn't want him. You could end up dealing with a very angry hate filled teen. I'm not saying mothers can't raise their children without the father, but speaking from experience, regardless of what reason you give him for his father not being there, he will still wonder why dad isn't around and his mind will lead him to all kinds of possibilities even if they aren't necessarily true.
You and the father need to not be concerned with what his wife or anyone else will say or do and focus on what is best for the children involved.
I would seriously talk to a counselor about how to handle this, and the father about setting things straight for the sake of your son.
EDIT:
I should say, I am NOT in any way attacking your parenting or you as a mom. I just think letting him live so close to his father and never telling him it's his father is going to make it even more devastating when he finds out.
2007-11-26 03:13:44 · answer #2 · answered by MISS H 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Does this man know that your son is his? If he lives so close why haven't you encouraged his interaction with your son? I understand that his wife has no knowledge of you relationship and that is what you & he feel is best. But, participating, befriending, and guiding doesn't necessarily mean that disclosure need be done. Plenty of mentors aren't fathers. When, the time comes, I suggest you tell him the truth. Call this man and have him over afterwards and allow your son to discuss the issue with him if he feels he need do so. There are a lot of men out there who have children they want nothing to do with. It's up to you as his mother to explain that you love him want him and his father is a schmuck that doesn't know what he is missing. Explain to him that you & he have done just fine after all these years without him and continue to do so in the future. That he is a complete wonderful human being that has infinite possibilities and that the best thing he could do is succeed in life to someday look his father in the eye and say yep and all without you. Teach him that going around knocking women up isn't what a real man does.
2007-11-26 03:15:20 · answer #3 · answered by sonkysst 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should not wait the time that he will ask you? You should be the one who will tell him when the right time comes. when you think is the right time be friend to your son even at his early age.Little by little explain the things about life about everything which relate the things that happened to your past. and by then it is very easy for you to tell him the truth and besides your son might be well prepared then.good luck
2007-11-26 04:34:38 · answer #4 · answered by ferdee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if one day he should ask..
tell him the truth.. thats the only way
because sooner or late it will come out
and its best if its from you
and hopefully when he finds out, he'll realize what a great mum he has, who stuck by him and never gave up on him unlike his father.
he'd rather have no father at all then one that has neglected him.
2007-11-26 03:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by j.d 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should be honest with him. If he happens to ask you and you aren't ready to tell him yet, it is okay to tell him that you will tell him eventually, you just aren't ready yet. Just don't make him wait to long. It could become devastating for him to constantly wonder who is father is. He deserves to know at some point.
2007-11-26 03:11:05 · answer #6 · answered by iloveeeyore 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes tell him who his father is... and when you get the chance, tell the father you intend to let your son know the truth. if you let the man know in advance, it won't come as a big surpise when the day comes.
take care.
2007-11-26 03:08:25 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he is old enough. I waited until my son was 16, and he kept asking me about his father. I had told him that I would tell him when I felt that he was old enough to handle it. He went to meet the jerk. The SOB gave him a line of bull about wanting to be part of his life, then my son never heard from him again. I was glad I waited until my son was old enough and strong enough to handle the truth.
You should be getting child support. I would tell this jerk, that either I get child support or he will find himself taking a DNA test and going to court!!
2007-11-26 03:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Everyone deserves to know who their father is , So when the time does come be honest with him and tell him
2007-11-26 03:07:23 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You shattered this boy's life for a 15 min fun. That hurtful, I feel really sorry for the boy that I can't answer
2007-11-26 04:39:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋