ok so heres my story. Me and my bf of 5years have been apart for about 1month 1/2 i guess.. we were planning on being engaged and moving into together,, we were really close and had alot of memories behind us. Well, anyways he ended up cheating on me and when i found out he went crazy and freaked out when i left him. He begged and cried and told me i was the only person he could ever love and he was going to wait forever for me to forgive him because he wanted me in his life forever, well ....... when i decided to give him another chance, which was like that next week... he was already seeing someone else. Ever since they have been together, he has been totally over me. Didnt even bother to sat happy thanksgiving after weve spent the last 5 together. Him and his new girl are moving really fast, She already met his parents. whats going on here? how can a man be so cold hearted. I dont want him back i just want to know how a person can be so cruel?
2007-11-25 18:16:17 · 28 answers · asked by brittknee08 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the whole time he was seeing this girl, he was telling me that we need time to breath before we got back together..... i found out about the other girl from someone else.
2007-11-25 18:24:07 · update #1
new question: Why didnt he just tell me he was moving on, if he didnt have feelings for me anymore, Why did he keep me around for so long?
2007-11-25 18:33:48 · update #2
Wow what a bastard.
I've never understood how people can be in love with one person one minute and then turn around and be in love with another person.
It's absolutely crazy.
I can tell you one thing though, it's good that you got rid of that loser before you married him!
2007-11-25 18:22:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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Apparently his sincerity has a bit of a credibility issue.
Look, people grow up and as they do they learn different things. Remember, a mind enlarged by an idea (or an experience) CAN NEVER be reduced to fit back into its original box.
What he THOUGHT was an experience (being with you) has been replaced by an experience with another person.
Love, as practiced by Western Man (monogamy, forever together, first love is the BEST love) are ALL romantic ideas, NOT based in reality. The REALITY of things is that people find other people to want to be with.
IF it is true that there is but ONE person for each other person in this world, what are the chances that THAT person is to be found in YOUR current high school, class room, church, internet chat room, bar, or whore house?
It don't make sense because their IS no sense to it.
75 years ago we kept the same job for a career. Now we don't even KEEP a career for a career. Back in the early 1900's we kept marriage partners for life-NOT because we were BETTER at picking a lifetime partner-but because society put pressure on us to do so, just as society puts pressure on us today to do certian things.
WHY have you and your BF been together for 5 years without getting married? Has society set for you a model for togetherness? I don't THINK so. Marriage (together forever) is a serious mental commitment made by two serious minded people (not two teenagers just out of school looking to do what they think is cool in front of thier friends) and if you and he cannot COMMIT to each other within 5 years then I do believe the truth of the matter has made its' presences felt.
Don't WORRY about HOW he can be so cold hearted. Ask HOW you can be so dense as to not see that this relationship was going no place from the beginning.
Marriage is like making mayonaise-you gotta crack some eggs-make a commitment. Neither of you saw fit to do that.
2007-11-26 02:38:42 · answer #2 · answered by De Deuce 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right not to want him back. The next question is not how could he be so cruel, but how could you have failed to notice his shallow feelings in five years? I think perhaps this guy is totally into "Me, me, me, It's all about me all the time. Whatever I want this minute is good and I should have it. And if I don't want it tomorrow, that's fine too. What do you mean what about other people getting hurt? What other people? There's no one who matters, but me!" Think back, did he really act like he cared about you, your feelings, what you wanted? Did he really only cheat on you once? I suggest you do some serious thinking about that relationship and see if you can figure out whether there were signs you ignored or misinterpreted, so that you can avoid making this mistake again. As for that one, just kiss his dust good-bye and thank your lucky stars you got away as easily as you did. And I wish you the very best of luck in finding your true soul mate someday soon.
2007-11-26 02:25:28 · answer #3 · answered by treebird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The true fact of love: when you guys are together. Everything is beautiful, love and care for each other, worry for one another every single second of the day, adore and respect your partner to the fullest, give your everything for one another without second thoughts. Nothing is ugly then comes a catastrophic breakup. You guys don't talk to each other, hate the other person guts, feel the other is no more important in your life, backstabbing each other, don't even give a shi,t or rat a.ss about the other person life.....
Which leads to: in a love relation you guys are responsible for each other only when you guys were together. If you guys decided to depart from one another for a reason of your or her/his own then you or her/his will have to move on and live her/his life and you or her/his will hold no reliabilities for the other person actions thereafter even though you might not feel or seem to accept to the stated fact, because It's very cruelty in a very unspeakable way or unimaginable way of your own. But that's the fact you can't deny.
I live and I have seen so many things, including such beautiful loving relationships. They have all started out so great with so many promises have been made to believe for each other when they are/were in-love. When thing goes wrong everything might have been said before becomes nothing but vanished to thin air or it becomes non-existing.
So don't feel bad about his actions towards you. It's a way of life to an extent for some folks. Smile, smile and more smile!!!!!!HAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Move on and live your life the way you wanted and do not let your past gets in your way if it's not a beautiful past. HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-11-26 03:02:02 · answer #4 · answered by Dongfeng!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all people are blessed with a good heart..while he can be of a good heart, he prefered to be the cruel heart...He is a weak man indeed, no principles in life, inconsistent and worst an insecured one.THank God you didint lose your senses for the second time around..good you didnt pursue the relationship otherwise you will drowned in your own tears now...THank God you have known earlier that he can only use people for his own ulterior motives...from now on erase him from ur mind..move on lady, he doesnt deserve you...you are too kind to be true, if he cheated you twice, he can cheat them more than you, so cheer up.it was good riddance indeed!!!dont move so fast either..take time, have fun now and let love find you....you will surely have your own cake to eat..all yours..and a lot sweeter>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
2007-11-26 02:34:04 · answer #5 · answered by E@rthGoddess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably was not completely faithful during those five years. But he might have been. It may be that he and this new girl just "clicked."
My husband and his first wife were married for 20 years and they had two kids, then they got divorced. But most of my husband's hurting took place during the marriage. He had only been divorced five days when we met. We just hit it off and haven't been apart since. We dated for a year and have been married for almost eight years.
And there is one other thing: Men aren't women. Very often women hold on to emotions much longer than men. For a man, quite often, when he's convinced it's over, he is convinced it's over and moves on.
You're better off without this particular person, though. If he cheated on you once, he could just as easily cheat on you again, and again, and again...
2007-11-26 02:29:31 · answer #6 · answered by Einsteinetta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump him, hes playing 2 many games, u need someone to treet you like the princess you are. dont settle for this 2 timeing scum. get a makeover, go out with the girls treet urself to a manicure or a pedicure ( or both =) ) you will see there are plenty of fish in the sea. sounds like hes trying 2 make u jealous, u need to show him he needs you way more than you need him. move on girl. at any given time there are 3.5 million people online and there around 6-8 billion people on earth. im sure you will have no trouble finding someone 2 take his place.
2007-11-26 02:23:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah it's hard to believe someone you are with for a long time who you thought you knew could be a liar and cheater but it happens. I should know. I fairly recently had almost the exact same thing happen to me. Right as she was wanting to get married. She cried professed her love, I forgave her. Then found out she had cheated 6 other times and still was lying to me then and made plans to see one of these guys again.
If it's any consolation there are others out there going through the same thing. Reading your post made me feel a little better in that it's confusing to other people too when they have to go through this.
I had the same questons and decided that the truth is cheaters are just selfish and don't feel guilty at all. Could be it's not that they didn't love you but I think to some poeple love is this needy selfish thing revolving around how they think they feel when they are with you, or how much they need you.
They don't think it's wrong. If they did they would not have done it in the first place. They do however feel terrible that they got caught and are suffering consiquences that make poor them feel "not good". They will try to make them selves feel better as quickly as possable and that could be by having you forgive them quickly, or by hoping into another relationship with somemone else. They may even get mad at you for finding out or not forgiving them soon enough. They are upset that the "situation" is making them feel bad- poor, poor them.
I know I wondered why , how could she ? Then I tried to justify her actions and told myself all kinds of things I wanted to believe. A cheater will play off that and use it to get off the hook if they can but they will always cheat again.
Sure they wouldn't want someone to do what they did to them. If things were reversed they would be devistated. Lots of people do horrible things to others though which they would never wish to have done to them. They lack empathy and they can feel something only in the context of how "they" are directy affected.
Mabey when your guy couldn't quickly get out of the unpleasentness caused by his actions, say by having you forgive him just like that, then he started seeing someone else and now thinks he feels better. For some people it is all about them and how they feel in the moment. Could be he had cheated with her before hand.
Mabey he figured hey were not married yet so it's not like it's so awful that I cheat.
If you married someone like that though they would just have found an excuse to cheat in a marrage as well (Mabey when you are having problems , or they are drunk, or have a mid life crisess, what ever. Just be glad you didn't get married.
If it's like what happend to me I know when I look back the signs really were all there that this person secretly was not so great, I just needed to listen to my instincts and not focus on who I wanted to believe they were.
I think it gets better with time, you have accept that it's not your fault other than mabey that you chose poorly in selecting them but at least you found out before the wedding. Someday you will be able to enjoy remembering the good times you got to experience and the fond memories and have some lessions learned from the whole thing. Just not for awhile so best not to focus on the past 5 years and try to remember who you were before the relationship. Take some time and discover who you are again without another person . Focus on your well being , (I started working out again) your friendships, career, hobbies. Do the things you didn't have time for when you were involved. Then once your comfortable being single try try again with someone new and better.
2007-11-26 07:46:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 years is long enough for you to stay as gf&bf. In a relationship, there's this thing called growth... a relationship must grow and evolve into a higher level. Failure to do so will only result to relationship break up. Sorry but I think you have to move on... sometimes things like this happen.
2007-11-26 02:33:10 · answer #9 · answered by Gbinz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just a lowlife...simple as that.
You've done nothing wrong here. I know that it must be hard dealing with it all, especially after all that time you've spent together, but if he wants to act like a complete and utter sh**, you're better off without him.
Just hold your head up high, and try to move on with your life.
2007-11-26 02:22:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋