What comes first? family or work?

Question

my husband works in a big mall as a supervisor, he doenst have sundays & holidays day off, he made a leave of absence in 3 different days of December, his manager wont accept his excuse due that these are all personal matters ( dec 8- our wedding anniv & our daughter's 5th bday, dec-14 our son's 1st bday & dec 30 my bday) i told him its up to him if he consider's us his family over his job. I am so disappointed with him and his manager! If he will pursue his leave w/o approval, he may be suspended or whatever, shall i consider him to work? or shall i beg for him to celebrate with us????

Answer 1

Suspended or fired at Christmas -- geez, good time to put pressure on him. Can't you celebrate after work?? What kind of family life are you going to have if you don't have any means of support? Maybe you should get a job, too, so he would be able to find something that had more time off.

Answer 2

First of all, you knew that he was a supervisor in a big mall and now you are complaining with the days and hours he works? He works so you can have food on the table and to support you and the kids. You knew this. You are telling him to choose his job over the family when his job is the one supporting you all. I think you are being unreasonable here. What about all the other years that he has missed out on?

He needs to keep his job. There can be other days you ALL can celebrate birthdays. Make some changes if you want a roof over your kids heads and warm beds to sleep on and food to eat. Or would you rather be living out in the streets? You both need to make some changes on how to celebrate birthdays or what have you. Do what it takes even if he has to go home for lunch on one of the kids birthday, as long as he is there for just awhile. If he is not liking his job, then that will be a different story to try and find another job.

I think you are being selfish for wanting him to choose his job or his family. Why is he working anyway? For all of you!

I would consider reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

When was the last time you visited him at work and had lunch together with you and the kids???

Answer 3

No matter what happens, I believe that family should always come before work. However, if the work situation is as important as you describe, it may be a good idea to make this time an exception. If there was a death in the family or a special holiday that the family celebrates, then hands down, family is going to come first. Since all of this is happening during birthdays it might be a good idea not to anger his manager and let it slide this time. If it starts to happen on a regular basis, then that when you put your foot down and say that family comes first.

Answer 4

I understand very well your problem, you like to celebrate those important days that fall all in the same month.
Yes, that's a problem, I see also why his boss is not pleased, 3 different days in the same month is too much for a company, could it not be announced in far advance as official Holiday?
In this case I find that the job is more important that the celebration, can't it be around that way? Try to get your son 1st birthday that's really extremely important.
You told your husband is a supervisor, well here in Belgium a supervisor is higher then the manager, only the super intended is higher.
I hope the problems get solved.

Answer 5

I have been there. on both sides actually, "the worker", and the "left out daughter". I'd say, if your husband seems like he really cares but he just can't help but work maybe giving him some slack is okay. i mean, if he ruins his job then you'll really be in a mess. Plus managers can be pretty robotic at times. Perhaps you and your family can make his days brighter every once in a while by letting him know how you understand things are hard and you'll be patient with him a bit longer if he promises to make a change (shiftwise) or maybe even a job change that is equally supportable (financially), a bit more flexible, and something that makes him happy. With his managerial experience he should find something. Hope it works out. I know its hard, but give him a break.
++He'd better have something lovely planned for your birthday whether he works or not though :)++

Answer 6

Family always comes first. The best thing to do is to talk to your husband to take one day of each week to be with the family. If he get fired, he can sure the his manager through Work commission or labor board in your local area. One thing I do know is that Manager have limit and allow employees to have day offs whenever they request to unless your husband don't want to. If he is work-holic, then bear as long as he come home each night. Don't be upset with him but help me out. This is how. with the money he make, always put aside certain amount of it. This money with time may help you open up a business of your own. Now concetrate on your goal, make your plans on how you will succeed in life. Once this business will be doing well, he will probably quit and join his and join you. At that time you will have pretty of time to spend together. For now he is struggling for you and for the kids and the worst thing to do is being impatience, stressing him out etc. Remember, there will come a time that all this overtime will overpower him that he won't be doing them anymore. Its just a matter of time.

Answer 7

I think his work should come first, because ultimately he is "working" for the family. He'd rather slug it out in the world and face whatever comes his way, but at the end of the day, he knows that there will be a roof over all the heads in the family and everybody is safe. Unless he get another job that allows him to take leave to be with the family, I think before that happens his job will have to come first. Its a great responsibility to take care of a family and to provide for them.

Answer 8

dec 8- our wedding anniv & our daughter's 5th bday.

Can't you celebrate both of those days on his day off? You can take your child out a couple off days before or after and tell her we are celebrating your birthday today.

You can go out for your anniverscery on a diiferant day as well.
"dec-14 our son's 1st bday & dec 30 my bday)"

Both of these days can be celebrated on differant days as well. If you have a birthday party for your children on a differant day you are still celebrating their birthday.

If your husband takes you out for your birthday it does not matter what day it is.

You are amazing, you have a husband that works and probally takes his responsiblitys very seriously and you complain about his working. Celebrate those days on a diiferant day and help teach your kids to be flexable AND GROW UP.

Answer 9

Do NOT try to stress your husband into making decisions that are detrimental to his career. That is plumb stupid. It is selfish drama-queen material, and your marriage will not last very long as a result.

You can always have one day with a merged celebration after December.
Nobody in retail has any time in December off!
He may be targeted by a bad boss.
He may be able to transfer his skills into a different job.

Answer 10

Of course family comes first, but understand that he is putting his family at the top by trying to support them. If he loses his job, he can't do the things he needs and wants to do for you all. This is really a bad feeling for a man, I would think. You know that he has asked for those days off and his boss has just made it a difficult choice for him to make. Let up on your husband. You all chose another time to celebrate this time. This is not the end of the world. Support your husband in whatever decision he makes. I know it will be difficult, but you can do it and he needs you to do it. Good luck...Happy Birthday to all in your family and a special Happy Anniversary Wish to you and Hubby.