A relative (who I rarely see and not even close to me) asked me if our aunt who is working for her can be trusted. Based on my past experiences, she definitely can't be trusted but I've seen her with our other relatives and she does seem alright enough. I believe in giving people another chance so a part of me wants to say "You can trust her." but I also do not want her to blame me later if something does go wrong.
I'd appreciate any answer that you can give me.
2007-11-25 16:26:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Never give someone a good reference you do not actually believe in. Anything wrong they do will come back on you.
As for ratting out a not so trustworthy relative. I'd be careful. It could be turned around and make you seem like the shady one. If you can't give a good reference I'd leave it at, "I'd rather not get involved".
Everyone in the family has seen how down right evil my BIL can be. I never used to say anything. There were a couple of incidents I felt like I should speak up on. I ended up looking like the bad guy.
Best advice I can give, bite your tongue. When given enough rope the bad guy will always hang himself.
2007-11-25 16:44:04 · answer #1 · answered by MISS H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have told a relative that another relative could not be trusted and I was correct. So in your case if you don't want to get in the middle of it I suggest you say that your not too sure if she can or can't be trusted that way your not getting involved if thing go wrong, but if you do want to give your opinion then tell the truth and say the experience you have had with her wasn't trustworthy one and let your relative make her decision on your aunt on her own and tell her don't blame me if things go wrong. Good luck.
2007-11-26 00:31:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its up to the person who wants to trust her, to take responsibility for the outcome.
Too often, we think the worst, on misinformed information.
it would be best, if she sat down, spoke with the relative of her concerns, as she would feel with ANY worker emplyed by her, and let her know the boundaries, consequences, and the reason why she is wanting to perhaps, give this relative a chance. I don't think its right to whisper behind anyones back about trusting or not trusting. she needs to be upfront, and not put herself in a compromising situation, by defaming, whispering, slandering anyone. if she is upfront, then surely the relative will appreciate this, and give the respect it deserves. The other choice is...."if in doubt, DON'T"!!
its better not to, than to bandy about doubt and suspicion over something or someone who may well be innocent, or at least have changed, it could be a grave injustice.
2007-11-26 00:33:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have not been asked to make the judgement call on whether she should or should not be trusted for whatever reason your relative is asking. What you *are* being asked is, your opinion and knowledge about your aunt, and, given that information, your relative will make his or her own decision. I would suggest being honest. You are certainly also able to add your suggestion/opinion that your aunt is worth a second chance even though your experience seems to be negative.
2007-11-26 00:29:55 · answer #4 · answered by Katie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try the yes she can and and no she can't answer. Mention for the most part she seems to be alright but that person might want to keep an eye on your aunt just in case sort of thing.
2007-11-26 00:31:59 · answer #5 · answered by pooh_bear_2020_99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My aunt and my mother who I loved dearly were both TERRIBLE "embroiderers" of the truth. The damage they did amongst all of us other family members is immeasurable. Only many years after both their deaths have my cousins and I slowly begun to unravel and heal what was true and what was not and WHY they created their own version of reality which was so damaging to all of us. My conclusion after much thought on all of this is simply... the TRUTH is always the best policy and it really will "set you free". You must strive to deal with as many people as possible on the level ground of honesty and let the liars worry about dealing with the consquences.
2007-11-26 00:33:18 · answer #6 · answered by ckswife 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your aunt never stole from you or harmed you, then i suppose that you CAN trust her...
it's not a good idea to ask relatives anyway... your aunt should have provided personal and business references, which the relative who hired her should use. i feel it's wrong for the relative to put you into the middle, unless your Aunt is a murderer?
take care.
2007-11-26 01:37:46 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask them to keep an eye on the one that has earned your distrust and why... and emphasize that this is only your own experience.
They will be grateful for the insight.
They will either be able to avoid putting this aunt into temptation, or will devise a test.
2007-11-26 01:39:41 · answer #8 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell the truth in as nice a way as possible, allowing that you might have gotten the wrong impression, but it is what you believe.
If you don't tell the truth to the person who asks, then YOU can't be trusted.
2007-11-26 00:31:46 · answer #9 · answered by Einsteinetta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say "I don't trust her." If asked, tell why, but take pains to be absolutely truthful. You might even qualify your answer as you have here. It remains your relative's decision whether or not to extend trust.
2007-11-26 00:38:49 · answer #10 · answered by Helmut 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋