My mom was living with this younger guy for 4 yrs. She divorced my dad for him. I thought it was a bad idea, especially since he was 30 & shes 47 but since I'm grown and not living at home, there was little I could do about it. Just a few days ago, the guy dumped her. He told her a while back that he didn't want to marry her. But they were building a house together. He wouldnt let her put any money into it. She also bought herself a ring and changed her last name to his. I think she was pushing herself on him in a way and he was only wanting a good time and let it go too far. I think he was too scared to tell her and he liked having her around. What advice do I give her about it? She will be staying with me & my family for a while, so its bound to come up. I cant make her do anything, I know, but how can I help her see that its best to just cut her losses and move on? I dont want her to find some other younger guy who likes to be waited on hand and foot, either.
2007-11-25 16:24:54 · 11 answers · asked by MomOfThreeBoys 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We all make mistakes at some point in our lives.
when we realise something went wrong, we can be fairly intelligent, and can work out why it did. Whenever we're "clingy", controlling, manipulative, and compromise right for wrong, then, sadly, we have lessons in life we are to learn. lessons are not nice, they can be disheartening, embarressing, challenging, but we learn from them, and move on, a little wiser for next time. just concentrate on your own little family, don't worry about mum, just be kind, thoughtful, nice to her, but keep up your flow of smoothness and calm in your own little family. mum will settle down, and with quietness and a little time, she will be able to see, there are better ways of being happy!
2007-11-25 16:40:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my opinion the best advise you could give her or anyone struggling with relationships is TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP BEFORE YOU DIVE INTO ONE!!!!!!!
Ha, ha, ha - very few folks will go for this and would rather thrash around in one bad relationship after another until they either die or just totally give up.
It's just too bad because LEARNING HOW to make a good relationship is both easy and instantly available by reading some relationship books or visiting here: http://www.google.com/search?q=relationships&sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-40,GGGL:en
She seems to have low-self worth and could benefit by studying and implementing Self esteem training. A high self esteem person would never do what she is doing. Relationship training will improve her self esteem and other flaws that now ruin her relationships and judgment.
good luck
2007-11-25 16:50:17 · answer #2 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother needs to figure this out on her own, and it's really not a child's place to "give her mother advice".
Your mother obviously fell out of love with your father at one point, and found this young guy when she was desparately wanting to feel loveable again -- he looked at her a certain way, and she went off running... then she went to MAJOR extremes, buying herself a ring?
Your mom might do well in some therapy... she seems to lack self-esteem.
2007-11-25 17:40:13 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom went through the same thing. she was pushed around by this younger guy and i realy hated it. when they broke up my mom was heartbroken but i didnt let her think about him. i helped her put her life together by taking her out and geting her to socialise and meeting other guys. now she's with a really responsible guy who loves her and waits on her hand and foot. Think about wat she loves the best and get her to do it. tell her to go back out there and look cause her soul mate is waiting for her. Just support her and encourage her in whatever she does, but allow her to make her own decisions. I know its gonna sound weird< but quitely matchmake for her dont let her know. Don't forget to tell her you Love her. thats the most important thing!!!
2007-11-25 17:07:00 · answer #4 · answered by Sanity 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you stated your view of her situation clearly and convincingly.
It's amazing that you, the younger one, seem to see it so much more clearly than she does. I'd say she has some basic problems in dealing with life. I doubt there is too much you can do about this, but you can try.
Frankly she sounds like she needs psychotherapy, or something like that.
If she has any substance abuse problems, past or present, it might help explain her defective thinking.
2007-11-25 17:25:10 · answer #5 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, let your mum do this on her own its her business and she will sort it out. If she needs help she will ask for it.
As much as u want to help right now the best help u can give her is none at all.
2007-11-25 16:33:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I appreciate your for taking care or your mom but the best advice is to let your mon decide on her own what she want to do with her own life. Help her when she want your help. As far as dating goes, don't be part of it. Let her deal with it.
2007-11-25 17:55:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you can tell her anything about her life and expect her to listen to you now you know like i do that the age difference was too much he wasnt ready for your mother maybe some woman his age but not your mother she is a settled person he aint just try to be there for her and dont let her try to tell you how to run your life she already messed up hers now she gotta fix that
2007-11-25 16:39:36 · answer #8 · answered by toofavorable 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you should put out your personal stuff like that but i think that you should just hang in there my best friend went threw this but just replace the younger to old older guy ya so sorry about what happened
2007-11-25 16:33:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you teach with your life is the best option
2007-11-25 16:28:39 · answer #10 · answered by madhavan n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋