How many of you have cut ties from your parents or took yourself out of your family? How do you feel now?

Question

I have good reasons to do this, and I was even recommended both on yahoo and by a therapist that this would be a rational option ( would rather not go into detail about why I plan on doing it though).

For those of you who had to get of your family system or cut yourself off, did you feel it was a good decision? Did you feel happier or did you regret it?

I don't mind regaining contact with my mom if I take the plunge, because I want to show her something for her own good.....but there's a chance she won't like my decisions and refuse to talk to me. If she refuses to talk to me, I will accept it and move on with myself.

No, talking to my parents and explaining to them how I feel won't help at all (I've tried for many years)If people don't want to change, you can't change them.

Before anyone makes any presumptions, my step-dad did something he wasn't supposed to do and my mom chooses to stay with him. Why should I put myself through that misery?

I'm not being a drama queen or purposely trying to make my parents miserable. It's about my happiness, my sanity, and my well-being...do you seriously think it will do me any good to stay with a man that molested me,a mother that chooses to depend on him, AND makes me call him "dad"?
I didn't want to say this, but if people are going to make assumptions..then you might as well know how bad this situation is...

Answer 1

I spent 3 years cut off from my family. I left at 16 and began again at 19. Sometimes, the only thing that works is a little breathing room.

I worry that you want to teach your mom something "for her own good." You don't live in a Hollywood movie. Those types of things rarely do anything but backfire in the real world.

Worry about teaching yourself some lessons instead. And unless this is some kind of Drama Queen exercise to "show them" then think of it as a break instead of permanent.

Answer 2

I don't regret cutting away from a dysfunctional family. I've struggled, but somehow I developed into a strong, confident woman. The closest thing I have to regretting the decision, was that I just long to be part of a normal family. I don't envy people with money, fame, etc. I envy ordinary people, who have parents and siblings who can love, help and support each other.

Don't think that if you tell your mother you're leaving, she's going to suddenly come to her senses and kick out the molesting bastard. Some women make very very bad choices when it comes to men - especially if their own self-esteem is so low that they think the bastard is the best they can get. Some people fear being alone so much, they'll live with anything. Leave and don't look back. You certainly don't want to preserve a relationship with someone who molested you, or with a person who let it happen and did nothing to stop it. You're much better off without them, so why would you regret it? I don't waste energy hating people ... I just stop caring about them. We don't tolerate horrible behavior from strangers or friends, just because they're "family" doesn't mean we have to tolerate it from them. I have no regrets, I wish the same for you.

Answer 3

I cut ties with my mother for over 5 years after she decided to call my husband a cheater and announced it to the whole family. There where many other reasons that led up to it, including abuse, but I never regretted it.
I have made contact with her again and have an amiable relationship with her. She hasn't changed much in her personality, but has started to respect others more. My goal was for her to not butt into my life and to let her know that I was my own person with a family. She has stopped offering her "advise" and trying to pry into every aspect of my life. My decision also showed everyone in the family that what I believed in was important and that no one had the right to make false accusations about my family. Everyone else kept in contact with me throughout the 5 yrs including her parents (my grandparents). They all understood.
Sometimes you just have to take a step back and re-evaluate what you want out of this person and if you can still have a relationship with this person.
It took me 5 years to come to terms with my mother's ways, I still can't forgive her, but at least I can accept her as my mother and deal with her civily now.

Answer 4

My situation was different in that it seems like my original immediate family cut me off. It was months after I got married for the first time and I had my second child. I had filed court papers to terminate a legal gaurdianship my oldest sister and her husband had with my oldest daughter I had out of wedlock years before. Anyhow.., my new family and I moved south before it was legal that my oldest sister and brother - in - law got to have legal custody and legally adopt and legally change my daughter's name. I made the first effort to contact any original family member of mine in May of the following year. My mom, who raised me alone, and my middle sister and I are pleasent with each other NOW via phone (my mom) and email (my middle sister). We never speak of the legal issue, because a Legal Order has been done. I don't waste my breath with my father nor my writing abilities with my father because he has always been immature about facing his faults and ever since I was 7 years old, he has emotionally and verbally abused me and neglected me. I am happier now away from the intermediate family stress, though there is still feelings of hate because they were all with my oldest sister at court and written untrue statements and written proposals to the court hurt EXTREAMILY. Its all, how the court proceedings were done THAT HURT THE MOST. Holidays and birthdays of myself and my biological daughter and my other two kids now are EXTREAMILY EXTREAMILY ROUGH on me. And, they most likely always will be. Do you have any other support (close friends; a spouse) because as you get older you will need that more and more. For two STRAIGHT MONTHS AFTER I RECIEVED THE FINAL Court Order, I just had HATE for everyone and everything in sight (even God). I did a TOTAL 180 turn around about my thoughts and views on life and all. And now, 2 years later, I just live with deep pain and EXTREAM hurt too. It is extreamily worse though at holidays and birthdays and my wedding anniversary. I don't regret the move NOW with being around possitive things and possitive people. But I live with the DEEP PAIN everyday of my entire life.

Answer 5

My parents did not approve of my choice of bride 41 yrs ago. They never ever said why. We were both in mid 20's, same race, same religion, same education, same values. I married her anyway and my parents and one brother have not spoken to us since. A second brother had a relationship with us for a while, but he went on his own way and has also broken ties. We have done quite well without them. My bride's parents also disapproved. They fought with us till the day they died. At least we weren't fighting with my parents. I kept great relationships with grandparent, aunts uncles, cousins. We "adopted" grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. Holiday table was filled with them, not a blood relative in the house. My parents missed out on 2 wonderful grandchildren and now are missing out on 4 of the cutest, most adorable great grandchildren.

Answer 6

I had to cut off my mother and all of her family except for one sister who understood. I could no longer tolerate the harassment and abuse, and talking did no good. I was in my early thirties. I am 49 now, and have never regretted it. My children were healthier staying away from her; she wasn't trustworthy with them.

Answer 7

I cut off my father and didn't speak or see him for over 40 years. It was a good decision on my part.