Why am I and others considered anti ~ adoption?

Question

I believe in adoption reform. I know that adoption is a necessity. I just want to make it about the child. I want the adoption industry out of our lives. I want us to be able to control our destiny. I want our choices returned to us. If an adoptee is happy and doesn't want to search, I am fine with that. I don't want a prospective adoptive parent ripped off because they want a child. If an adoptive parent chooses an open adoption, I don't want an adoption agency telling them how to do it. I want adoption to be free from coercion and lies. I want to remove the myths and lies that the adoption industry. How does all of this make me anti~adoption?

Let me explain myself further. I know that the real cost of an adoption (infant adoption specifically) is $7,000. I want to take the money out of it. I am trying to include adoptive parents in this. Adoption should be child centered not parent centered. Natural parents should be allowed to parent first. Natural family members next. Adoptive parents next. The adoption industry puts out myths and misinformation to keep us at each other's throats.

No I am not naive... I have done two years of research. I know that adoption as it stands today is corrupt and money oriented. I am realizing that adoptive parents are just as hurt as the rest of us are. They too have no way of protecting themselves. They too are having their choices taken as well.

I am not one of those that has called any adoptive parent a "baby snatcher" nor have I ever called any one "anti adoptee."

I only thumb someone if I disagree with someone's thinking on this.

Answer 1

I feel exactly how you do. Adoption has gone from being a way to ensure a child's safety to a way for big business to make money off of people's pain. Adoptive parents feel pain if they are choosing adoption due to infertility, natural mothers feel pain from having to relinquish their child and adoptees feel pain from not having access to who they truly are.

Pain does not equal fluffy bunnies. There are, however, those who refuse to see the painful side of adoption, these are the people who see pro-reform as anti-adoption.

There are soooo many children who age out of foster care. Why is nobody asking how to adopt them? Why is nobody trying to save these kids? Why is everyone only interested in a healthy newborn if adoption truly is about changing a child's life for the better???

I have only met one person here who took on the challenge of adopting through foster care. To her I am deeply moved by what she has done. To the adopters only looking for the perfect baby I feel little. To the adoptees of adopters looking to end their fertility issues without dealing with them I feel sorrow. To the natural moms who are secure in their choice I feel glad, not everyone was allowed to make the choice. To the people who see me as anti-adoption I feel sorry. Apparently their reading comprehension skills haven't surpassed a mid primary school level.

Answer 2

Amyburt - you have taught me so much about what goes on in the adoption industry. Thank you for your voice. I see you as being an advocate for all adoptees past, present and future - speaking out to make adoption agencies, adoptive parents, relinquishing parents & society in general - to be more accountable for the worlds children.

Healing Adoptee - Amy wouldn't have given you the thumbs down - some others must disagree with you - so they thumbed you. Don't be disheartened. I appreciate your comments & your compassion when posting. And even though we had different adoption experiences - I think all should be told. Thanks for being here.

Answer 3

What you have stated here indicates that you are not anti-adoption but that you are pro-adoption reform. I think that's great. Having adopted from the foster care system, I don't know much about private adoption and the coercion that can take place with the birth mothers. I only know my story and my son's well enough to be able to comment on them. It frustrates me to see people on this board who lash out at anyone who has adopted. I know some adopted people have horrible stories and my heart goes out to them. But that doesn't mean that no one should be able to adopt and it doesn't mean that all adopted children are treated poorly. It's a crime that it happens at all. Glad to see that you're stating your true beliefs and standing up for yourself!

Answer 4

I think you said it best in a previous answer (at least I think it was you) that you are pro-reform. I agree with that. As an adoptive mother, I do believe there is reform that is needed in the adoption process. However, I do believe that adoption has come a long way in the last 20+ years. It still has a way to go, but we are definitely in a better situation than we were 20 years ago.

I agree with you that reform is needed, but I somewhat disagree with you about removing the adoption industry altogether. I believe that some "governing" system needs to be in place to insure the safety and well-being of our children. If adoptive parents didn't have all of the steps to go through, there would be no guarantee that the adoptive home was safe. There also would probably be more adoption scams out there where someone claims to be pregnant, etc. So I do believe that there needs to be some system in place to protect our children.

But none of what you said makes you anti-adoption, at least in my opinion.

Answer 5

I'm right there with you on this.

I for one have never called anyone an infertile, baby snatching predator in my life (Who even talks like that? Not me.). Nor have I ever told anyone that my truth is the only truth. I've even said that I like my adoptive parents!

And yet I too have been painted as an "anti" a "nazi" and one who should be sterilized (too late on that anyway, I've already got kids, my evil genetics live on! Mwah ha ha!!!).

It's funny to me that the ones spewing the most hatred here are the ones crying foul.

I've come to the conclusion that if some bully with obvious mental problems wants to call me and my kids names, they can go right ahead. It really has no bearing on who I am and the people who know and love me.

Seriously, don't let the haters get you down. You know who you are and what you stand for.

And you can come to my ice cream social any day!

Answer 6

I have no idea how that makes you anti-adoption. Seems only someone with a screw loose would think that.

But then again, I am supposedly anti-adoption too even though I've volunteered my time to work with adopted children. Go figure.

Answer 7

our feelings are very similar, you know this.

Some like to label us as anti-adoption because the energy associated with that is negetive in first digestion. So if they can get them to think we're bad, then they'll have a better chance of having our real truths not heard.

its not working though.... to bad for them.

Answer 8

I don't think you are anti-adoption. I feel the same as you. I want reforms in adoption, so what is best for the child is what takes place.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey look, because i said you are not anti-adoption and i agree w/ you that reforms are needed i got a thumbs down. Oh, well i guess that is the way it goes.

Answer 9

You just said two things that contradict themselves: one is that you want it to be "about the child." But then everything else you say focuses on the adoptive parents. Here is the problem: if you put all the responsibility into the hands of perspective parents, it is NOT about the children. It is about the parents and what THEY want. What THEY want is NOT necessarily what the child NEEDS. All parents are not created equal. I don't think that makes you anti-adoption, but you have to be careful what you wish for. What you are suggesting could EASILY result in children being adopted by unsuitable and potentially bad or abusive parents.

Answer 10

You aren't "anti-adoption". You just don't like how agencies do certain things.