Was I too hard on her?

Question

A little while ago my family had just started eating dinner. I have 4 children. My 4 month old (John) & 3 month old (Lily) use a booster seat to reach the table. For some reason Lily's booster seat was not strapping in correctly to this type of chair and I was afraid she was going to fall out. Our family usually sits in the same seats each evening. Anyway, I wanted to see if Lily's booster seat would strap into Tessa's (2 years old) chair better because her chair was a different type. I switched the chairs and it worked so I kindly asked Tessa to use Lily's chair just for tonight. (Tessa has a "special" chair that she got for Christmas last year) -- Tessa had a fit! She screamed and slapped me. I made Tessa sit on the "naughty step" until she was ready to come back and behave. She cried and cried! Then after we finished supper I allowed Tessa to come join us and finish up. I thought her behavior was unacceptable but afterwords she behaved.
Was I too hard on her?

xXo

Oh, it's alright.
2 of my children were adopted.
Thank you for asking kindly, Ruth C. I get asked that question all the time and most people throw around ignorant accusations and it really annoys me. But you asked nicely and you deserve an answer :D

xXo

Yes, I'm buying a new chair tomorrow and I did make sure Tessa knew why she was being put on the naughty step.

xXo

They don't eat regular food but they do sit at the table with us.
And I call "high chairs" booster seats.
Sorry if that confused you!

xXo

Answer 1

from the question and added details, I think you did the right thing.

1 major thing parents feel bad about is disciplining their child, however if you compare 2 children 1 who has been disciplined their entire life and one that was allowed to do whatever they wanted, the disciplined 1 ends up a better adult, more focused and driven than the other.

You explained to her why she was put in time out and you let her back at the table when she had understand and let everyone else finish their dinner.

I think that's very reasonable, some parents would send their child to bed without dinner which I don't feel is okay but it happens.

I don't think you were too hard on her at all. My nephew acts out and we do the same thing, explain, time out, and then allow him back once he says sorry and has have his little fit.

I think you are doing a wonderful job as a mother!

Answer 2

Well, I can see why she'd be upset, but I don't think you were too hard on her. It's understandable for her to be upset about having to give up her special chair, but slapping you is unacceptable in any circumstance.

As long as she's behaving now, she's done her time, and you should just let the incident go.

If I were you, though, I would buy another chair so that she can have her special one back. In the meantime, make Lily's chair more appealing by making a deal with Tessa that if she will switch chairs until you can get another one, there's something in it for her. If she does agree to the temporary switch, every time she does it, praise her a LOT for her big-girl attitude.

Answer 3

Did you make sure she knew she was on "the naughty step" because of the screaming/slapping, and not because she wouldn't give up her chair? She probably feels she has to make a LOT of compromises and adjustments for the 2 babies, and suddenly her "special chair" was up for grabs too - please make sure you get a good chair for the booster seat - tomorrow - and don't make Tessa give up her chair again. I feel bad for the 2 year old! (And obviously for all of you who had to eat dinner during that crying!) You weren't hard on her - it's hard to know ahead of time when you're making a decision how emotional a child will be about it. But you could make sure she has more control about things that are ok in the future.

Answer 4

I would have asked Tessa first if Lily could use her chair since it was a special. However her slapping you was a completely unacceptable response. When my two year does something like that I put her in a two minute time out in her room. She scream as much as she wants, when her time is up she can come out. If she continues her naughty behavior then she gets counted to 3 and goes back in time out. This rarely happens, usually she's fine after the two minutes.

Answer 5

Two is tough, especially when she has to be the oldest at the same time she's really still quite young.

But I do think you're right to take a clear line with hitting and slapping. You might not want to keep her on the naughty step for more than a few minutes, though - I've usually heard that two year olds can't handle more than two minutes; three years olds three minutes and so on.

Then again, if she's still throwing a tantrum, I don't know how you'd bring her back to the table ...

Sounds like you did your best in a tricky situation, and if she shaped up afterwards, she got the message. I think that's what counts.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I don't think it was out of line at all, and it evidently taught her a lesson as she was well-behaved afterwards.

Why are a 4 month and a 3 month old in booster seats anyway? They can just barely sit up on their own if at all. Shouldn't they be in high chairs at least? And I didn't think they were supposed to start solid food that soon? I don't mean to be rude, I'm pregnant with my first and this seems to go against things that I have read.

Answer 8

slapping you was out of line. You need to make sure that doesn't happen. I think what you did was fine. Some extra cuddles might help you feel better.

I do think you need to find a different solution. Tessa should be allowed to keep her own special chair, though, since she seems to feel so strongly about it.

if you don't mind telling, how did you get a four month old and a three month old? That's a little different, and I don't mind if your answer is that it's none of my business, because you would be right. It isn't.

Answer 9

no you were not too hard on her, she has to understand that the behavior she showed at dinner was unacceptable, why not sit her down later and explain why it was necessary for her sister to use her chair, that you weren't trying to take it from her, and make a deal with her, she could let the baby use the chair for awhile until you can get her another chair and then when you get the baby a proper chair you can also get tessa a special treat for being so generous with her chair.

Answer 10

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