How can I get my stubborn husband to stop swearing...which he does everywhere without hesitation?

Question

He will not put money in a jar.
He will not listen to reason from anyone.

Tonight we were in Sam's Club and he didn't understand the cashier who tried to upgrade his membership and he swore in front of everyone in all the cashier lines...several times, quite audibly.

We have been to a marriage counselor, but he refuses to see it as a problem.

We do not have kids yet.

I have taped him swearing, and it only exacerbates the situation. i.e. makes him angrier.

As I said already, the $ in the jar doesn't work.

I have called his parents while he is in the middle of one of his fits.

He likes everything with tabasco...the hotter the better. (No surprise then that foul language doesn't give his tongue any bite)...

Holding out on relations is more of a problem for me than for him...

He wasn't anywhere near this bad before we were married, that I know of.

And if cursing is so silly, why not just give it up?

Answer 1

A smack to the head with every swear word... or a shock collar... too cruel?

Answer 2

I swear, my husband can outcuss a sailor. Especially while driving. This began to irritate me. One lesson I've learned is, you can't tell a man what to do! They don't like it, and its ineffective. So instead, I started mimicking him under my breath in a semi snotty/juvenile tone. For example: He'd say something like, "You D*** M****F*****s!" I'd parrot quietly, "Yea! M****F*****s" It didn't take long, and he didn't quite care so much for hearing those words come out of my mouth. It also made him stop and think about what he was saying. He still cusses, but not as often or as bad.

Answer 3

I know what you mean...my husband's language is pretty bad, too. It only really bothers me when I'm on the phone with my mom, though.

Anyway, I don't know what to tell you. I've just asked my husband not to say God's name in vain in front of me, and to not swear while I'm on the phone with my mom. He at least watches his language in public, so that's not an issue.

Why not compromise? If nothing else, just ask that he have enough respect for you, and for people within listening distance, to keep the swearing to a minimum or to speak quietly. He might not even realize how often he's swearing.

Have you tried recording him? It might do him some good to listen to himself.

Answer 4

For your husband...there will have to be a "life changing event" in his life that will compel him to stop swearing.

What that might be .. I don't know. Perhaps hearing his own child swearing might be just that event...or a stranger slapping him the face. At this point he just might be enjoying the attention.

Here are a few options:
1. Live with it...
2. Give him that cold icy wifely stare. (I get those from my mother in law all the time.)
3. You can belt him one..(not recommended)
4. Or pray for that life changing event to happen.

Answer 5

1 - tape him doing this and play it back for him. make sure you get the expressions of other people standing around him looking at him like he's the idiot.

2 - double his behavior to the point of obnoxious.

in other words get into the same situation and start swearing the same way but intentionally look goofy doing it in front of him and others.

if he sees he is a complete moron and changes, you win.

if not, you know what you are dealing with.

Answer 6

Tell him, God never made a foul tongue. This may confuse him at first, but let him figure it out. You may have to repeat it several times before this truth does the work.

Answer 7

Time to go to a marriage counsellor or get him to volunteer on taking an anger management course !!!

You can't change him !!!
He has to see the need to change himself !!!
We all carry some family dysfunction with us into the marriage !!!
Since none of us are not perfect we should find out what our own dysfunctions are first !!!
Go to the library and take out books on marriage !!! There are a ton of them !!!
Check out Gary Smalley books and videos !!!

Answer 8

My top vote goes to Lucifer, but I doubt you could get him to agree to the shock collar.

Donn gets my next vote. I think that when he behaves like that, you could give him a Gallup-ian stare until he apologizes. In your shoes, I'd freeze in the Gallup-ian stare until he decided there needed to be an apology made.

Quite frankly, if it were my spouse behaving that way, I'd let them know that it was a big enough problem that it would eventually separate us if it didn't get corrected, but that's just me.

Answer 9

I can sure understand why you would be dismayed by this, sweet girl! My husband has a temper too and sometimes I'm appalled at the words he chooses to use. All we can do is stand by them, not criticize their choice of vocabulary and pray that the Lord will open their ears when the time is right. We already know that others think less of people who talk this way in public, so it won't do any good to remind them.

God bless you!

Answer 10

Sounds like he doesn't consider it to be a problem.

Either learn to live with it, or leave.

Until HE wants to change it, he won't, and you'll only make an enemy of yourself if you try to change him against his will.

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"And if cursing is so silly, why not just give it up?" "We have been to a marriage counselor, but he refuses to see it as a problem."

I would say you have answered your own question.

He doesn't see it as a problem, so why should he give it up? People don't change their habits or viewpoints until they become problems.

If you cannot live with his cussing, you cannot live with him. Tell him you've given it your best but you can't stand it any longer and ask for a trial separation.

If he would rather cuss than have you, he isn't much worth having, you know? Though... with your holier than thou attitude...