How can I increase my carbon footprint dramatically?

Question

I do mean "increase". I already drive around in a huge truck with a monster V8 which I used to haul a bunch of old tires which I burned behind my house yesterday.

Setting fire to an oil rig - that is an interesting thought. I kind of liked Saddam's setting fire to 1000 Kuwaiti oil wells in 1991! Now that is IMPACT!

Answer 1

Get filthy rich, own a 50,000 square foot home, buy the biggest gas guzzles you can, buy a private jet and fly around the world telling people they have to drive tiny cars, slap solar panels on their house, and use only 2 pieces of toilet paper.

Answer 2

Release methyl-hydrates from under the sea, that'll do it pretty well.

As for driving you really need to drive something big and with a petrol engine, a V12 if possible although a large V8 would do, also stick a turbocharger or supercharger on it. Making the car something big, heavy and with bad aerodynamics would help too (i.e. SUV). Something old might also be a good idea because newer engines tend to emit less than older ones (and also run way better when cold, you want something that has massively higher fuel consumption when you change parking places in the middle of the day).

Answer 3

do what I did, buy a Hummer and an elk, the elk produces like the same amount of greenhouse gas as a car that drives 8000 miles a year, and all he does is eat and shiet and farts, (sweet) the Hummer is much more fun to ride though, and gets 6 miles to the gallon, so for every gallon some al gore lover saves I burn twice as much, its just like the election of 2004, only Im stealing their carbon!! its awesome, and I go out on weekends to the ocean and pour out my used oil on seals! dont get me wrong I love seals, but the oil makes them faster in the water and then the polar bears have to swim farther out to try to catch them........it works on so many levels, Im a genius. I am also selling mudhole credits, lets say your just walking around somewhere, and some treehugger yells at you" hey jerk!, you are denting that piece of earth there"

well you just wave your mudhole credit at him and say" I am allowed to , JERK!' then call me up and I'll ride the elk over and he can drop some organic material into the dent, and whallah! good as new.when this takes off, Im gonna be as rich as Al Gore is from carbon credits,(his scam is pretty good, but mine is better) then I can buy a new gulfstream4 jet, a mansion on each coast,heated bird baths and all....

Answer 4

Fart continuously for 7 years, 6 months, 12 days, 6 hours, 37 minutes, and 12 seconds. That would increase your carbon footprint dramatically.

Answer 5

Realistically, the best way is to have lots of children and then support them. Work several jobs to buy them all sorts of toys. Take them to eat at places like McDonald's every day. When they get older, buy them all cars. Teach them that you can only have fun using things that are electrical (video games), gasoline/diesel powered (jetskis), or require other forms of energy input (e.g., heli-skiing as opposed to nordic skiing).

The working several jobs and buying lots of toys does several things to increase your carbon footprint: you increase the mileage driven each day, and it is commuting mileage, the most efficient type in terms producing CO2 per mile driven (since the average speeds are very low in stop-and-go traffic); by working several jobs and buying lots of stuff you increase the economic activity of society, and economic activity is very carbon intensive; each child becomes a little clone of you, and you can multiply your carbon output by teaching them to behave exactly like you do (the beauty of this is that you don't have to do anything special, they will just learn from you through something called mirror neurons); a diet of consisting mostly of mass-produced, highly processed, non-locally grown, beef-centered food is *the* most carbon intensive way to eat (e.g., a bicyclist, commuting 25 miles per day eating such a diet gets the equivalent of only around 35 mpg, which is really low considering the motive power is muscle).

So get out there and have many children. But remember, the key thing is for you to work very very very hard to make sure the children consume as much as possible. Being a deadbeat dad does nothing since the kids grow up getting used to austerity. Let us know how my plan works out, it is killer in terms of producing lots and lots of CO2.

Answer 6

Run Al Gore tapes until all the greenies start chanting "yeah, yeah yeah". Then go to the next town like the Pied Piper. Make sure you pull two plug wires off the truck so every one knows where the static is being broadcast.

Answer 7

why would you want to!!!!! But, if you must know.... To increase your footprint in the best way i guess would be to go on airplanes a lot or drive a bunch cus that definetly makes a huge impct on ur footprint. To reduce it you could recycle and use energy efficient lightbulbs.

Answer 8

You could set fire to an oil rig. Oops.

Answer 9

after grilling some big fat steaks, dump out the cooled charcoal. Walk through it and you will leave some big carbon footprints. Wear clown shoes for an even bigger footprint.

Answer 10

There are several steps you can take. David Suzuki has a great website that talks about how to become website. Go to http://www.davidsuzuki.org/Climate_Change/What_You_Can_Do/carbon_neutral.asp and click "What you can do". Good luck!