I don't know what wrong with me but I always always take things?

Question

way to personally, I don't know how to change myself. Whenever I start a new job it goes well but after things that people say if I confront how they spoke to me or something that they did, bother me..the situation seems to become worse. No one understands when you defend yourself or try to tell someone that what they said bothered me ; instead they become defensive as if i'm the one with the problem..How can I change ??

Answer 1

Well hon that's because the workplace is a WHOLE OTHER WORLD.

When you spend enough years at home you forget that people can be real savages and it's dog eat dog in the real world.

You do have to learn to toughen up. Best thing to do if you're not sure what to do is just bite your lip, lay low, watch and observe and you will soon figure out who the office gossipers are, who the backstabbers are, who is like you and just minds their own beeswax and just gets the job done, etc. etc. etc.

Don't forget that the people you work with are NOT FRIENDS. They are just colleagues. Don't expect them to be more because you will find yourself in the predicament you are in now, doubting yourself.

I think you just need to relearn some skills that have been dormant for a while. Some places (and people) are better than others, so if you don't like it leave.

I remember TURNING DOWN over 15 jobs, when I first started out many moons ago (yes they hired me) because after interviewing I just didn't like the bosses or the setup or whatever. Instinct told me no, and I'm a strong believer of listening to my own gut. It's never steered me wrong.

YOU should not have to change. What you need to learn to do is adapt, and know that people are false for the most part despite all their seemingly good intentions. (Sorry to be a pessimist but if you really are honest with yourself you'll know this to be true) and that in the workplace it's all about survival of the fittest. You are there to do a job. If you're good they will hate you, if you're not they will walk all over you, so one way or another you have to adapt and let the whiners and their talk just roll off your shoulders.

Do your job right and please the boss. That is all that matters.

Or do like I do and just work for yourself, then you ARE the boss and don't have to deal with all the bull doo doo.

And DON'T let people dump on you. You should know what your role is at work, and dont go in thinking it will be a social club. You are there to work. It takes a long time to build up trust and friendships at work and some places you just never do, so just do the job and go home.

Answer 2

You need to come to the realization that the things that people say can only hurt you if you allow it to. It's not what they say that matters but your reaction to it. Within, you know the kind of person you are and that is all that matters. It matters not what others think of you or how they speak to you.

Plus, you really must also learn how to pick your battles more carefully. Before confronting someone, ask yourself how important this issue is in the grand scheme of things. Is it really worth putting your work relationships and possibly your job in jeopardy because your feelings got a little hurt? Are you just being oversensitive? Sometimes it is absolutely necessary to defend yourself against systematic and regular abuse, but be VERY aware that what you say will have a lasting impact, so pick your battles very carefully.

Nothing anyone says can affect you unless you allow it to. You have the power to feel good or not feel good about you. You don't have the power to control others, so trying to do so is pointless.

Once you can master this concept, you can effectively lead an almost stress-free life! I'm not there yet, but I'm certainly on my way, since I have put this attitude into practise. My life is 10 times better than it was since I tend not to sweat the small stuff, or the stuff I can't control anymore.

Answer 3

You may have answered your own question there. Confrontation is not something people are used to, especially when it is about their behaviour. You may only be approaching them to let them know that a comment they made may have offended you, however at the same time, you are making them feel bad about something they have said - and hence the defensive reply to you.

Let it go, and learn to observe these particular people around others and you may find it is a common trait that they have. Then you can come to the conclusion that you shouldn't take it personally (becuase they do and say the same to others), and the next time you deal with them, you can try and deal with them in a different way (so as avoid a conflict situation again).

Answer 4

Some people are sensitive, others don't have consideration. Just imagine yourself like a duck, and pretend the words roll off your feathers. If they say something take into consideration what is happening at the moment and just mention it in passing, but in an unobtrusive sort of way. They could be defensive b/c your are so defensive so keep you tone calm and soothing. Beyond that it just takes practice and experince.

Answer 5

You should try to be more laid back and not care what other people are saying. When you start to appreciate people for who they are and what they say, you will find that life is more fun and happier. I have the same issues, people always saying ang thinking things I don't agree with. Well, the less I criticized and the more I accepted people's opinions, the more happy I became. Hope you can work on that and be the person that people are happy to see and talk to.

Answer 6

Social interaction requires diplomacy not confrontation or picking out people's inadequacies. People do not want to hear that you can't handle any little issue that disturbs you and they certainly don't want you to call them on it. You have to get a spine, leave your personal issues at home, and learn diplomacy in your work and social environment or you will never get along.

Answer 7

It may not be you---rather those around you may simply not get the fact that things bother you. That's happened to me before.