I want to live with my dad, help?

Question

I really want to live with my dad. I feel uncomfortable at my mom's house because she it still going out with the man that she cheated on my dad with and I know he is always at the house when I'm not. And also because my mom has a struggling alcohol addiction. I smell it in all the cups she leaves around the house. I feel bad because her dad, my grandpa, isn't doing very well and is in the hospital and my grandma is now living with her. We just went to visit my brother who is gone for 2 months due to his depression and grudge against my mother because she cheated. When we were there she told the leader that she was sorry for her mistakes and that she was sober. That just isnt true! Yes, she was sober at the moment but she knew that wasnt what he meant. She had been drinking about half a week before that day. She says she is sorry for her mistakes but yet she is still going out with this horrid man who is the reason why our family is struggling. I want to live w/ my dad,butshewontletme

Help please! She says that she hasn't done anything wrong but she doesn't understand why I am so upset and I try to tell her but she just ignores it!

Answer 1

How old are you, honey? If you're on YA! I'm assuming you're at least thirteen years old. Explain the situation to your dad. Ask him if he can help you request a court hearing to be allowed to live solely with your dad. When you turn fourteen you can request a hearing without parental consent. It's really the only way to do it legally. You really need to bring your dad into this; you can't do it alone. If your mom is scaring you, or if she or her new boyfriend are becoming a threat to you, you have every right to request a court hearing. Your safety & welfare comes first.

If you prefer, you can also talk to another trusted adult like a school teacher or counsellor. *hugs* You can do this, sweetie! Just hang in there. No matter what there is always someone out there who cares about you.
XOXO,
Laurie

Answer 2

Please speak to your Dad on this matter. Depending on your age and the state you live in it maybe up to you but your Dad would know.
I understand this is hard for you. Adults make mistakes also. But because I was drinking is not a good enough excuse. Is this horrid man doing anything to you and your brother that he should not?
If he is immediately get in touch with your dad and the police.
You may have to come to terms with the way your mother is and there will be no help for her until she wants that help. However you should not suffer for that.
If her drinking is bad as you say you could call children's protective services and have them interven.

Answer 3

I'm currently going through a divorce and I know firsthand that the judge will do what is in THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD. You need to talk to your dad and let him know what's going on. Does your dad know you want to live with him? Is he able to care for you? If your mom is struggling with an alcohol problem I would tell someone else who can do something about it like a teacher or something. This will get the courts attention because most likely they will send someone to your home to investigate. But I strongly suggest you speak to your dad. He could possibly take your mom to court over this and with you as a witness they would prob let you live with your father.

Answer 4

I'm sending you some mental hugs. This is difficult.

How old are you? You have the legal right to choose who you live with at a certain age (I believe it varies from state-to-state).

Is there a counselor at school you can talk to about these things? School counselors are great allies for this and what you say is confidential. (There are some exceptions that deal with being in danger/causing harm to yourself or others... ask before you talk.) The school counselor would be able to give you great advice about moving to your dad's and perhaps know of some resources for dealing with your mother's alcoholism as well.

Answer 5

In the meantime join Ala-teen. Don't be too judgmental and practice tolerance in regards to your mom's drinking and her boyfriend. Try and have a heart to heart with your mom when she is sober, let her know how you feel about her drinking and ask her what the problem was with your dad, but don't condemn her. Try to get to know her boyfriend better and treat him with respect, you never know, you might see that he is a good guy. Alcoholism is a disease and can only be treated successfully when an alcoholic admits to themselves they have it. Love her in spite of herself. I'll bet her boyfriend drinks too. Like the old adage, misery loves company. Whatever you do, don't start blaming or laying a guilt trip on your mom, that may make things even worse.

Answer 6

Talk with your dad and ask him for some help. Tell your mom simply 'Mom you have cheated and have not gotten help for your alcohol problem. I can't live like this anymore, and I AM going to live with my fatehr. He can care for me better and can see what is in my best intrest.' and preferably get out of the house soon after that. Good luck, I am really sorry that you are having to go through this and deal with all of this. Again, good luck I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 7

How old are you and what state do you live in?

In some states, depending on age you can file a specific form that will allow you to make known your preference for which parent you live with.

It is called an "Affidavit for Preference". Basically it means that you would like the court to acknowlege your decision to live with another parent. It does not mean the court will grant it, but it will give you an opportunity to speak with a judge, and have your feelings be heard.

Answer 8

Does your mom actually have custody of you? If she doesn't and your dad wants to have you, I would just pack my bags and go. If she does have custody of you, then you need to speak to your dad about him going back to court and fighting for you. You could also call social services and tell them about your mom's drinking, You can't do much about your mom cheating on your dad, just know that adult relationships are complicated and not something that you will understand until you're much older; but no child should have to live with an alchoholic. Write a letter to Dr. Phil, maybe he can help http://www.drphil.com/

Answer 9

i bet that is really tough for you. its hard to forgive the people that hurt our family and relationship with one another. It is good that you know right from wrong. some kids look at their parents and become just like them. it sounds like you are tought well. Anyways I'm sorry about your brother. Talk to him though. Tell him everyhting that you would like but try to talk happy things with him...so you both can cheer up a little. and as for living with your mom, talk to your father about it. He can help with the case. He has equal rights as your mom (maybe Even more since I'm guessing he doesn't drink like your mom). It is hard to have a mother like this because mothers are known to be with the kids more, but the best thing to do is remember what you have and all the happy things that have and will happen to you. Talk to your dad a lot and remind him that you dint feel right with your mother. I hope that your brother gets better, i hope you live with your dad, and i hope your mother realizes that she should stop drinking because it is affecting you. maybe if you live with your dad, she will realize it. i hope everything goes well and i hope i helped! good luck with it. i hope you get what you want.

Answer 10

In most states, courts will allow children over the age of 12 to choose which parent they live with as long as that parent is not unfit.

If you are under age 12, talk to your father. Maybe he can work things out with your mom for you. Also, try telling your mom that you only live with your father temporarily.

Good Luck. I can't imagine how hard all this is for you.