I was previously married and had a fancy wedding for my first marriage. My husband left just after a year right after our son was born. The person that I am engaged to now has never been married. My mother is telling me I can't have another 'proper' wedding because I have been previously married and have a baby and even if I did I couldn't wear white. But I want to give my fiance the wedding he never had. Is a 2nd 'proper' wedding alright? Should is just be alittle smaller, more private wedding than what it would normally be? I would appreciate any suggestions.
2007-11-25 10:15:27 · 26 answers · asked by Adrienne L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
your mother is thinking of 1957 NOT 2007! Im a second time bride.. and I wore white. The first time I wore a red dress and was married in the court house.. that union lasted less then 4 years. I re-married.. had a ceremony in the park.. and we had both sides of the family there.. Plus I wore a white suit. this is your life, your money, and your finacee's relationship. Tell mama to stow it.. and do what you want. Good Luck.
2007-11-27 01:28:19 · answer #1 · answered by dietitian4u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can have a 'proper' wedding your fiance would like to - as you said, it will be HIS first wedding and why should he be slighted based on your experience?! Many people have a scaled back 2nd wedding, but often this involves couples who are older and/or where both people have been married before.
As far as wearing white, obviously you are not a virgin if you already have a son. But, that does not disqualify you from being able to wear white. You were married when you had your son. The white is a symbol of your purity. Provided you haven't had sexual relationships with others between your ex- and your fiance, there is no reason why you shouldn't wear white if you want to.
The key here is --> this wedding should be mostly about your fiance. It's his wedding - hopefully the only one he'll ever have - and it should be whatever he wants. Of course it's your wedding too, but I would not go "all out" unless he wants that.
As for your Mom, respect her for her insights... but realize that it's YOUR life and YOU have to live it. She can give you advice, but she should understand that you're ultimately going to do whatever you choose.
2007-11-25 11:34:40 · answer #2 · answered by amazing_creation 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do whatever wedding you want! It's not your fault that your first husband left you and your child. Why should you and your new love be the ones to suffer? You're right to want to give you fiance a proper wedding because you obviously feel he deserves it. Whether or not you wear white is up to you. Many first time brides are now opting for off white colors and today's society doesn't care as much about the purity of a bride as they once did. Invite as many people as you want to your wedding. Perhaps your mother is concerned more about the cost of the wedding because she's remembering the staggering number from your first marriage that ultimately went for nothing. Just go with the wedding that you and your fiance want, but remember to be sensitive to your mother's concerns. She just doesn't want to see you or your child hurt again.
2007-11-25 10:21:45 · answer #3 · answered by rainbowreggie 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your mother holds a very old fashioned view of things, thankfully this is no longer the case and you can have the wedding dress that you want, white or not white, whatever you decide. Your mother has to realise that times have changed and we are not bound by stuffy old traditions, this is about starting your life with a new man, and there is nothing more pure than that, so do what YOU want, this is not your mothers wedding.
2007-11-26 00:37:49 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is not now and never has been any "rule" that a bride's gown serve as a sort of billboard announcing the state of her hymen. Don't take my word for it, look it up in Miss Manners' Guide to Excrutiating Correct Behavior and read it to your tight @$$ mother.
You can have any sort of wedding you like so long as you do not commit the following sins:
1. You may not hint in any way that you expect to receive gifts. It's OK to register, but you should never mention or even hint at gifts unless someone asks you very directly what you'd like.
2. You may not use the occaision to bully, browbeat, blackmail or otherwise bludgeon people into doing or buying things things they'd rather not do or buy.
Congratulations and best wishes!
2007-11-25 11:22:23 · answer #5 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does HE even want a big white wedding.....or are you projecting a girl's dream onto him. Most guys I know would be find with a smaller wedding than the big deal women tend to make out of it
Talk to your fiancee about what is and isn't comfortable for him and go from there.
2007-11-25 11:40:08 · answer #6 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i comprehend what you recommend, even while my pal have been given married for the 2nd time and asked no presents, I nonetheless made them a token present. in case you're no longer cunning in any respect i might pass with some thing very own like an engraved photograph physique, or in keeping with possibility discover out what they choose to drink and get a sturdy bottle of a few thing. present taking part in cards are sturdy, there is often some thing they could use. How approximately some his n hers bathrobes? eating place voucher and a voucher entitleing them to three loose babysitting (via you) or you're able to cause them to up a gourmand basket. in case you are able to bake make some relatively depraved chocolate cookies, incorporate a bottle of wine, some cheese, crackers, a pair of tremendously glasses, some candles and a picnic rug....rubdown oil? the record is going on desire that helped particularly.
2016-10-09 11:38:08 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. Mom in the corner. Send her an invitation and if she comes GREAT! I had the fancy wedding too. I had the child too. I was left too. I met the man of my dreams who had never been married. He is amazing. I asked HIM (Not my mother) what HE wanted. He wanted a wedding and reception the whole 9 yards. 'nuf said. YOURS AN HIS WEDDING. Your mom can come if she wants to. Moving ahead. So....who says you can not wear white? My Aunt owns a bridal shop and said that you can wear whatever color you want. The only ettiquette breech is that the train and veil should not be there. The veil and train is for the virgin bride. Having a child everyone knows you are not a virgin. The white is not a purity of body issue, it is a purity of your love issue, Wear whatever color YOU AND YOUR FIANCE WANT! Not what your MOM wants. I chose to wear the white dress that my aunt hand picked for me. I cut off the train (tailor did it for me!) and I wore flowers in my hair in a wreath! My husband was thrilled! I had my Daughter be my Maid of honor, my Auntie be my Matron onf honor, my cousin be a bridesmaid and my griend from out of state a bridesmaid. My mom's cousin is a pastor and he married us. My husband had his brother, brotherin law and his two nephew stand up for him. I offered to my folks to BOTH give me away. The moms each took a silver candle and lit the candles on each side of the "stage" My husband and I then took candles from those and lit a unity candle. We gave my daughter her own wedding ring as a family committment to her as well as ourselves. (she was 14 at the time, now almost 19) She got to pick itout at the jewelry store and still wears it. We had a fun wedding adn fun reception. Wear the colors you want and do the things you want and make the decisions with HIM. NOT your mother. Invite your mom to come along to try on dresses. Let her know you will buy the one you want. Even if it is white. If she is paying for things you might want to wait until you can pay yourself so that she does not feel entitled to make the decisions for you. This is a problem with a lot of MOTHERS! Do what you like and have fun. I never call this my "second" marraige. I say this is my "REAL" husband and my "REAL" marraige. I do say I was married before or speak of my former husband, but this guy I have now is the real deal and I call him such, he is second to no one so I make that a point NEVER to call this my second marraige or my second husband. You can do the same. This is his first wedding, but your REAL one. Your mom is going to have to let go of this and let you be in charge, and you need to TAKE charge with your man and let him have the input that you are giving to you mom. The thing with me was I didn't want gifts from a lot of people who had "gifted" me before. But, it had been a long time and some of the people I had there knew the pain I went through and how long it was that I was alone. Just hold your head up and invite who you can afford to invite. Get your husband to make a list of his family friends and co workers and then you do the same. After you two have done that, ask both moms to go over the list and ask if anyone needs to be added. Give them input, but YOU AND HE make the decisions. You decide what you want and then INFORM your mom what is going on. IF she pitches fits, then you just let her know that you will not burden her with the details form now on and that she is welcomed to sit back and relax and enjoy being a guest at the wedding without any of the planning headache. Smile and kiss her then leave her in the dust. It is not up to her. have the time of your life and enjoy! I DID IT and we have been married for 5 years now! My friend did the same thing....wore white at her second and his first wedding. Big cake, big dinner, big white dress, big everything! Now a year later she and her daughter and her new hubby are having a baby! (He does not call her daughter a step daughter, he calls her his BONUS!) So do it your way and smile the whole time! HE IS WORTH IT!
2007-11-25 11:04:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most men could care less what the wedding is like - they just want to get it over with. Enjoy the day and do what you want, just remember the money you are spending could be saved for your son's college education or for the down payment for your house.
You can have a grand ceremony and not spend that much money -let family and friends help. Blessings to you!
2007-11-25 10:29:53 · answer #9 · answered by happy_southernlady 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things have changed and there really aren't any "wedding rules" to go by anymore. If you and he want a lavish wedding with 200 people and a puffy white gown...go for it! Tell your mom you understand where she is coming from but this is still your wedding (regardless if it's your 2nd or not) and you are going to do what makes you two happy.
2007-11-25 12:12:05 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋