I can't date frat boys. I just can't. And he wasn't but now he is joining one. Is is right to say... me or the frat? If he chooses the frat, i DON'T want to be with him. I've dated a frat boy, I just DONT want that life again. What to do?
2007-11-25 09:41:39 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You shouldn't have to give him a choice....walk away now. If he comes to you, then he can make the choice on his own, don't force him to choose. He might resent you for it.
2007-11-25 09:44:49 · answer #1 · answered by Thora 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not all frat guys are the same! If you really like him, I would give it a chance. You shouldn't break it off just on the basis that you didn't like OTHER frat guys. He's a completely different person
2007-11-25 09:46:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum and he will definitely choose the frat. Just because you've had a bad experience with one frat boy are all bad. If your car broke down would you never buy that brand of car again?
2007-11-25 09:45:45 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How selfish of you to make him choose between you and a Frat. If he wants to join one and you are against it, step back and find someone who believes in the same thing you do
2007-11-25 09:47:58 · answer #4 · answered by Christine B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute!
Look at yourself here. I share the same feelings about fraternities as you do. But what you are doing is internalizing your boyfriend's actions in terms of anther individual's behavior. He hurt you, so you are now afraid of him becoming one of "those."
You probably feel that people lose their sense of individualism in fraternal organizations? I tend to agree, but in our generalizations we become a part of the very thing that we detest, "group think, reactionary views, and loss of individuality."
If you value your own individuality then you must give other individuals a chance to express or figure out their own.
You have no right to make your boyfriend chose. But you do have a right to walk away if he loses himself and what the two of you had.
Give him a chance, set your boundaries, and he MIGHT be able to do both. But it is not fair for you and only you to make decisions in the relationship. That's an abuse of power. You share power in ways that you will not hurt others and yourself. That is what you need to make clear to your boyfriend and yourself.
Chances are the fraternity "boundaries" and yours may not be maneuverable for him. Then you can point this out and walk. Or he can realize it for himself and evaluate and make choices once he sees it for himself. Otherwise, you are going to create resentment and he might then start ONLY dating sorority girls because you have hurt him.
You might be giving up on the best frat boy in the world. Or one day he might realize that being a self absorbed frat boy was the worst decision in his life because it hurt the girl that he loved. Use this as a test for HIM not fraternities.
2007-11-25 10:00:06 · answer #5 · answered by Boudreaux 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How would it go over with you if he were to say to you it's either him or your friends? That usually never goes over well with people....ultimatums I mean. He has a right to join a fraternity if he wants to. You have the right not to date a frat guy if that is what you want. But, don't say to him, "It's me or the fraternity." You will lose him for sure that way.
2007-11-25 09:46:07 · answer #6 · answered by First Lady 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Decide which is more important to you, your guy or your hangup with frat boys. If you ask him to make a choice, be prepared for him to choose something other than you.
Ultimately, it's up to you on what you decide. It sounds to me like you're not willing to compromise on anything or even attempt to work it out, so in all fairness, I'd say just to walk away.
2007-11-25 09:56:27 · answer #7 · answered by desertlifemedia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, this is a tough one...i think it's kinda shitty of you to have him choose between you and his fraternity....some things to keep in mind, how long have you been together, how does his lifestyle of the fraternity dictate what your lifestyle will be....now, if he doesn't give you the attention needed to let your relationship grow then i would say no, but if he still makes time for you, i don't see the problem...i am a little biased, i am also in a fraternity but it just depends on what kind of person he is.....there are your typical frat boys and then you still have the good guys, the guys who act like they are supposed to!
2007-11-25 09:48:25 · answer #8 · answered by pocket aces 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joining a fraternity shouldn't change a person at all!!! Non of the people i know in different fraternities on my campus did not change from before and after they joined a fraternity.
You are dating the person not the stereotype!!!! Not all fraternity brothers are alike.
Don't be so selfish and controlling!! Let this guy live his life! I hope he leaves you! Cause letting him self be controled by a girl in college will probably one of his biggest regrets in college when he looks back
2007-11-26 11:07:59 · answer #9 · answered by Tino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to date a frat boy then don't. If he really cares for you he won't join.
2007-11-25 09:44:45 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i believe that if you realy love that person you should leave the frat to a side and be with that person. you can also come to an agreement that you dont wanna hear nothing about it .
hope it helpz
2007-11-25 09:49:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋