is my mommy too strict?

Question

My dad is fine but he always agrees with my mom.

keep in mind that I'm 13 and I go to a private school. School was so bad for me at one time that my mom almost homeschooled me but I convinced her to let me stay because I still wanted to play clarinet in band.

-I'm not allowed to go to the mall or movies (because the movies are in a mall) with my friends even though there's always one or two moms watching us. My mom can't watch us because she has to go to college during the nights.
-I'm not allowed to go on school field trips by myself. She has to chaperone.
-I have to hold her hand while crossing the streat.
-not allowed to wear make up (which I'm okay with since I don't like make up anyway)
-not allowed to date until I'm 18. I'm okay with not dating for now but I'm gonna get really mad at my mom if she doesn't let me date by 10th grade. I'm a Christian and I've already promised to be abstinent until marriage so I don't know what the problem is.
How do I get her to trust me?

I made a myspace without her permission just basically because I wanted to rebel. Even though I only had my best friends on my friend list and my profile was private, I still felt guilty and ended up deleting it a couple days ago (about a week after making it).

Answer 1

Well we have the same mom...but she trusts me like letting me go out with friends...make-up, I really don't put some...dating, actually...she told me NOT to date until I finish college...so it's like 20 or something, I don't know. Your mom is not that strict, she just loves you so much that maybe she can't handle the fact that you're growing up fast. You should talk to her about that matter and tell her that she should trust you because she knows that she raised you to be a good child.

Answer 2

Your mother loves you very much and only wants you to be safe. She is not too strict but might be a little overprotective. It's not you that she doesn't trust, it is everyone else. She has seen too many bad things happen to good people in this world and is trying to save you from some of it. Cut her some slack. Let her know how much you love her and how proud you are of her trying to get her college degree at night. She just wants the best for you so show her that you appreciate what she is doing for you. Instead of "having" to hold her hand when you cross the street, voluntarily take her arm. Help around the house. If you show her just how grown up and responsible you can be, you will earn her trust and maybe she'll loosen the reins a little. Just remember that no matter how strict she seems, she's doing it all because she loves you so much. Good luck!

Answer 3

Your mom cares a lot about you and she's been your age and knows what things can happen and how badly things can go wrong. She is a bit over protective, but that's alright.

Right now they are probably giving you the "because I said so" routine and you are starting to get too old for that one to work. Now is the time where you need to work on your negotiating skills. Look at the things you want to do, I mean really really want to do and present those things to your parents. Tell them why you want to do them and what you hope to accomplish by doing them. Then listen to their reasons why they don't want you to do them. If they say because there won't be adults present, then find out if there will be adults present and who they are and how your parents can reach them and talk to them. If they still won't let you do the things, don't run off slamming doors and pouting about it, because all that will show them is they were right to refuse you and you aren't ready for the new responsiblities. And this negotiating thing isn't a one time deal, it has to be done over and over again as you grow until you are an adult and can do whatever it is you want.

Good Luck and remember, your parents are responsible for you and have your best interest at heart.

Answer 4

Well, your mom is being a little strict. My dad is the same way, I'm a Catholic so I have very strict rules about what I can do. When I wanted to get an iPod (which I did get) I went around, did a whole lot more chores and did everything my dad asked me to do without a single complaint. He saw how mature I was being and decided that I was mature enough to get an iPod. Same thing w/ getting my ears pierced. I can't guarantee it will work, but it is worth a try!
Hope this helped,
Kawee

Answer 5

Your mum obviously cares a LOT about you, and is just trying to protect you, but it does sound maybe a little strict in places. Have you tried sitting down with both of your parents, and going through a list of things that are bothering you (an actual list that you have made). You can write why it bothers you, so you won't get lost for words. And you can write what they say underneath., and maybe come to an agreement. If you act mature about trying to compromise with your parents, they may realise that you are (and are going to continue) growing up, and give you some of the freedom you need.

Answer 6

Uh, you need to become familiar with the concept of picking one's battles.

Since you don't WANT to wear make-up, why even bring it up? Likewise with anything you don't particularly want to do. Focus on things that you DO want to do, that, at your age you SHOULD be able to do.

Yes, I'd say she's being over-protective. When there are adults with you (school outings, the movies, with a mom or two as part of the group), it does seem that you'd be safe enough.

You're certainly old enough to cross the street without her holding your hand.

As for dating. First, don't start getting mad at her before you're old enough. Again, pick your battles. It won't kill you to not date until you're 18 anyway, but even you agree now is too young. It's ultimately up to her, not you. If you ruin the entire relationship over this, you'll just be hurting yourself.

There may not be anything you can do to get her to lighten up. You can't control her decision-making. You may have to accept her rules as they are.

But maybe you can win a few points. You might want to try to enlist your father.

Pick one thing -- I'd say crossing the street to start.

See if you can convince your dad to support you, and calmly explain to your mother that you can cross the street safely on your own. Maybe go out with your dad where you need to cross streets, so he has proof that you're careful, only cross on lights, wait for traffic, look both ways, don't run, and all of that.

Also, make sure you're responsible, with your school work and around the house, and just in general. Maybe even offer to take on a chore or two beyond whatever you do now. To show her you're increasingly ready to be responsible and mature.

Then, after she sees how mature you're getting, you might want to ask for something else, such as going to the movies.

If she doesn't know any of these moms, maybe you can arrange for them to meet. That way she'll know who they are, and that they're responsible. Maybe she'll let you go to movies in their company.

I know it seems like a long time now, but it won't be very long, really, until you can be out on your own.

One thing that your mother seems to not understand is that, while you're under her care is the best time for you to do more and more things on your own, where things are controled, and you can learn about the world, without there being severe consequences.

If you don't learn while you're under her roof, you'll be less able to cope with the world when you're on your own.

I don't know if this argument will help at all. Try it on your father first, and he may be able to support you in it.

Answer 7

I'll agree that your mom is really quite strict.
But SHE'S your mom, not anybody else.
Unfortunately we don't get to choose who our parents are, and most of the time the parents don't get to choose their kids either.

I think the trust issue works both ways as well. You want your mom to trust you with more responsibility for yourself. But I think she would have an equal right to ask you why you don't trust that she is making all the right decisions where you are concerned!

Answer 8

She's too strict. I'm your age and my mom does the opposite of what your mom does. Talk to an adult.

Answer 9

With moms you have to earn there trust. You need to prove to her that you are trustworthy and responsible.

Answer 10

That sounds like love to me. No she isn't too strick, she is doing her best to teach you the best in life.