My daughter has just turned 15 and has changed over night.She has become very distant and wont talk to me.?

Question

I am finding it very hard to deal with as we use to be so close.Any ideas what to do?I have tried most things and need help.

Answer 1

This site and number is for parents too, not just teens.

Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

Answer 2

Hi hon I can relate to your question as I have two daughters and I remember how scare I was, but by the time it happened with my other daughter it was ok. She looks in the mirror and see a 15 year old you look at her and see your baby(smile) I kept questioning my oldest and it put a small amount of strain on us, and then I had to question myself what all did I want to do with my mom at that age NOTHING. I was very secure in knowing my mom is always there for me.So I ask my daughter if we could talk? and I let her know that I loved her more than life itself and nothing she could ever do would change and that I won't be pushy but I am still interested in that part of her life that we do not share, you know just girl talk who the new boyfriend is on and on and since I do have such a beautiful young lady it would be my honor to at least once a month we will set aside some quality time for each other we can get our nails done shop go to he movies.Also you can have girls day at home phones off popcorn ,movies, hair,It really worked for us and it still does we talk and share so much You don't lose a daughter you gain a young lady that loves you very much and will remember those special times with you but remember her life is also suppose to be full so give her space, good luck.

Answer 3

My daughter is also 15 and the youngest of 5. If she overnight became distant and changed I would be worried. There is the normal distance of teenagers and then there is the scary distance of problems. Have her friends, schoolwork and other things changed? Make friends with her friend's parents, let her know you are not trying to run her life and you respect her privacy but you are concerned. Try to talk to her gently but firmly and let her know that you can be a non-judgemental ear. If the change is drastic in all areas be concerned about possible drug/alcohol or other serious problems. If she really can't talk to you, try to place other concerned responsible adults in her life that she can go to and don't ask to know what they discussed unless it is truly serious. My daughter tells me many things eventually but she really feels me out to see what my reaction might be beforehand.

Answer 4

Teenagers??? What can you do? Sounds like it's that time for you to watch from the sidelines. At this point in her life, she wants to explore the world. Give her some space, but let her know you will be there for her when she needs you. It's hard to let go, especially when you were so close, but at least you are close, it's something she will definitely remember. Love her just the same, let her experience life at a safe distance.

Answer 5

A lot of teens pull away from the parent to assert themselves and discover their own unique personalities. Don't give up on her, she may act like she doesn't want to have anything to do with you but you still need to keep talking to her and let her know that you are willing to listen to her when she needs to talk. But here's the thing, she's never going to just open up out of the blue with you--you are going to have to keep talking to her and let her know you are willing to listen to her.

Look at her other behavior--have her grades dropped, is she skipping school, is she refusing to introduce her friends to you? These are a few red flags that are warning you that you need to do some parental snooping. Never search a child's room or invade their privacy unless their actions give you cause for concern. (When I was growing up, we had an understanding--keep the room clean or mom would clean it--and if mom cleaned, that meant she was snooping.)

Keep telling yourself that you are the parent, she has friends, she doesn't need you to be another friend, she needs a parent--someone to guide her, who has her best interest at heart.

If you find she's heading down a dangerous path and you don't know what to do, I recommend : Before It's Too Late by Stanton Samenow; and Toughlove by Phyllis York, David York, & Ted Wachtel--the Toughlove book is one my mother and step father used to get a handle on my brother when he went down his wild and out of control path (drugs, dealing, fights, petty crime, etc) and the other book is one they wish they could have had.

Remember, she doesn't need you to be her friend--there is no such thing as the "cool parent"--trying to be a "cool parent" (whatever that is) will just make you look silly at best or a clueless doormat at worst. There will be time once she's an adult to redefine your relationship with her as a friendship.

Good Luck! You know your daughter and you really do know what is best for her and your family.

Answer 6

You have need to be concerned if it was over night almost. That happened with me with my daughter and it came out that she was sexually assaulted. Try not to involve the school too much because I learned that can bite you and your daughter in the butt. Try talking with her and maybe a little counseling to see if there is something going on.

Answer 7

If you mean that she's changed over night quite literally, then I would suggest that something drastic has happened to her.

It could be that she is dealing with something very serious, and is either too embarassed or ashamed to come to you about it.

If it were my kid, I would sit her down to talk,and not let up until she opens up. Just let her know that you love her no matter what.

Answer 8

That's a teenager for u. Just ask her whats her deal? Don't yell at her because she will yell right back. She is just trying 2 see how far u will let this go. see what she can get away with. I'm a teenager myself. I'm 16 almost 17.

Answer 9

sorry to say but get used to it. Keep the lines of communication open. Try not to act resentful, talk to her every day. try to discuss important issues. Ask for her opinion. show her you value her and her opinions. In the end, a girls loves her mother. My daughter was the WORST case senerio until she had her child. Then with tears in her eyes, she looked at me and said, "Now, I understand unconditional love". Hang in there mom.

Answer 10

Well either she has a problem and doesn't know how to tell you about it. Or now that she's in highschool and she's making new friends and trying to shed her old image and act more "grown up" and hang out with her friends more. You ARE still the parent, so sit her down and tell her how you feel.