Does “cutting off” my father make me a bad person?

Question

Many times out of spite he has said/done the most awful of things, ever since I can remember. A few examples are:

As a child he once told me that my oldest 2 sibling were wanted. Myself any my younger brother were “just f**king accidents”.

The dog was more important than me. It earned its keep guarding the house. Until I got a job and started contributing I was worthless (I was about 13 at this time)

A few months ago, after chemotherapy, my bald head sort of left me feeling my girlyness had been taken from me, so I started using a lot more makeup and had my ears pierced. He told me it made me look like a “f**king common sl*t.”

The latest spit, after an argument on virtually a non-issue, he stated “I hope that cancer kills you and I hope it does the c**t fast.”

For some reason this time I didn’t get upset. I didn’t even feel angry, I just thought no father of mine would say something like that. He's not my dad, he's just the man who shagged my mother.

I don't live with him.

Answer 1

Sounds like you're doing what you have to do to maintain your sanity. Someday he will probably see the error of his ways, and hopefully you can forgive him and resume some sort of relationship. But until that time, he doesn't deserve any of your time or energy, so there's nothing wrong in "cutting him off" and moving forward. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Sadly, they don't have to be nice people to be a sperm donor. You have been through so much and deserve so much better. I agree that cutting him off is probably the best thing. He doesn't deserve anything from you for the treatment he has doled out. His latest remark is unforgivable. The people in your life who build you up and love you no matter what are your real family. Do everything in your power to take care of your health which also means reducing stress in your life. Look the way you want - any way that will make you feel good about yourself. Keep a positive attitude and keep fighting - you sound like a strong and wonderful woman. People like your father can be toxic and need to be left alone to deal with their problems the best way they can.

Answer 3

Unfortunately we can't pick our parents. I would cut off communication with him indefinitely until he gets the picture. Let him come back to YOU and ask for forgiveness. You also must be ready to accept that he may never see the error of his ways. I had an absentee father and my stepfather abused me so I'm telling you that you don't need to take this TOXIC relationship any longer.

I heard a great quote in a movie called "Parenthood" once. It went something like this:

"You need a license to drive a car. You even need a license to catch a fish. But they let any butt reaming a**hole be a father."

Answer 4

For most of us, family is our first set of obstacles to overcome.
This guy is not only emotionally unavailable, but verbally and emotionally abusive.
You would do well to limit your time with him.
Use the answering machine to screen your calls.
Spend holidays with people who care about you.

And the next time he says something crappy like that, just tell him that he had better have his living will together and his nursing home picked out with the funds arranged for it, because he definitely does NOT want you picking it out.

Yes... cut him off.

Answer 5

CUT HIM OFF! I don't even know how you can stand it. I've had to do the same to many of my family members, So much dysfunction. However, I must say that since doing this, I very rarely get depressed anymore. Try it. I can almost gaurantee you'll ask yourself why you didn't do it sooner. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

And you are still living in his house? Do something for your life and your future. Get out now. Blood does not a father make and this man is certainly no father to you.

You are living in a terrible environment and you have the choice to stay or improve your life and move out.

You could improve your lifestyle, all round, and I bet when you leave his presence, you will start to feel healthier, stronger and love yourself for who you are.

This world is a wonderful place, if you life in a wonderful environment. We have the free will to choose, and you, my dear girl, have all the right in the world to make your life a better one.

Peace and love,

Answer 7

You know i commend you for not getting upset or feeling angry when your natural father told you that. But thank God that he (God) is our real and heavenly father that will never leave us nor forsake us. You are truly a child of God cause the average person would have got upset and or wanted to hurt him. You have really encouraged me and i am thankful that God made you. God bless you.

Answer 8

Girl totally cut that man out of your life what an azzhole he is !!!! And dont be ashamed of doing it either because it sounds like he wasnt ashamed of treating you like this....And i hope that you are doing alright through all this expessially going through chemotherapy...i know how hard it must be {my mother is a cancer survivour}

Good Luck

Answer 9

Wow no u r not wrong. My father is the same way. Ur trying 2 help ur self from getting hurt.

Answer 10

He is one heartless SOB!! I would never talk to my kids that way no matter how angry I was.

I wouldn't blame you for cutting him out of your life.