How do I convince my mom that my little brother should live with me instead of her?

Question

My little brother is turning 18 next month and is not doing well living at home. My older sister, who lives in the house next to mine, agrees that he needs to get out of my mom's house. She bashes our self-esteem and makes us feel like crap. We all love her because she's our mom and we know she means well, but it never ends well. I'm asking my little brother tonight what he thinks and if he says yes, we then have to go to my mom. Technically, he's 18 so she can't stop him but I don't want to cause a family war over this. I just want him to be happy. I would have rules for him, a curfew, he has to have a job, etc. I'm only 23, my husband is 24 and we have a 1 yr old son. It would be a lot to take on but we all agree that he needs to have positive people in his life. How should I approach this with my mom so she doesn't feel attacked?

My brother is currently being scouted by colleges for soccer so he probably won't be living with me once he starts school again. From what it sounds like, he'll be getting scholarships for his grades too. He's a really amazing kid.

Answer 1

Tell her that he has decided to live near his siblings amongst people nearr his own age,.
Tell her this is not a reflection o her, he still loves her and would like to have dinner with her once or twice a week if she is agreeable.
She will probably be miffed (I would be) but makesure he visits her regularly and she will soon accept it.

Answer 2

Yes i know what your talking about...we just went through it..if your brother agrees it will be hard on your mom because she will of course feel like you are "attacking" her.

However here are some simple suggestions you should tell her

let her know that it will be a stress relieft cause you two always argue and tell her that you two would be better off without all the drama. Let her know that you will help him to get a job and make sure he pays rent so that he is responsible.

If that doesnt work than you can just do what i did, my brother would spend a month here and a month there {he didnt have a job of course} And it helped him out alot because he didnt have to worry so much on the financial situtation because as well as i enjoyed taking care of him when he turned 18 my mom loved it to, although my mom and him never got along but for the several weeks that he was there he did get to spend time and not have to be worried about getting a job the only thing he would have to do is house chores as well as over here he would constantly help my husband and i out and than he would help even more out after i gave birth to our first baby he was right by my side through everything. It really gave him that chance to think about his options in life.....in the end it worked out for all of us..

Answer 3

It doesn't sound like your mom is footing the bill for a university education for your brother, so I think he would make good headway getting out of there.

Your mom is an abusive control freak. ANYthing you do will probably be viewed as an attack. It is highly possible that she thinks she can hold onto your brother in this way. Don't worry about it. If she gets into your face about this, you match her tone and call her down.

Sit down and have a talk with your brother. Tell him the choices as you understand them. Ask him to consider living with you or your sister and use that opportunity as a launching pad to get a job and go to a community college for technical training to get a better job. Carefully spell out the rules for living with you.
He is legally old enough to make these decisions for himself. He will feel so much better being able to get out and accomplish something for himself without someone blocking his progress.

Answer 4

Well she probably wouldn't have a good reason to feel attacked if you didn't make your little brothers decision to move out all about her.

You are right, he's old enough to move out on his own and she can't stop him. So just have your little brother tell his mom he's decided to move out, period, and that his older sister and her husband have been kind enough to offer him a place in their home until he can find a place of his own, period.

If mom decides to make it all about her from that explaination, then that's her problem isn't it!

Answer 5

If he is turning 18 you dont need her permission. It seems to me that it would be his choice. Your mother cannot stop him. If your worried she will object and be upset I think you need to ask yourself what YOUR priorities are, her happiness or your brothers self esteem and his future. I say the boys future is 1000 times more important than your mothers selfish feelings.