What has happened to this category? Where is the support that was here when the category was first created?

Question

Okay, I've been gone for a few months, but this category used to be all about offering support and opinions in a postive and respective way. Everyone could voice their opinion but it was done with respect. I'm reading some of these responses and wondering what gives anyone the right to be so ugly and nasty? I just received an email from someone who will not be back to this board because of the "attack" she came under. Aren't we all here for the same thing? We can agree to disagree but we should not be attacking one another. So I'm curious, what started this whole thing in Y!A adoption?

Answer 1

I haven't been here long enough to know how things were before. I came into an area that was already charged and hostile. From what I have seen there have been a scant few people who chose to attack and defame others and this has cause a vicious cycle of people feeling the need to validate their opinions, views and emotions. I am at fault as well. After being called down and subjected to juvenile name calling I too have bristled and put up my defensive guard.

Adoption is a heated subject, every adoption story has it own tale to tell and even within one story there will be many views. I find it sad and shameful when people are not able to accept that what may be a glorious and beautiful experience for one can also be a dark and horrifying experience for another. Every aspect of life involves opposites, light and dark, positive and negative, good and evil. When these polar opposites become a battle ground the delicate balance is lost.

Or perhaps some people here feel their own guilt, shame or remorse that causes them to have a need to be abusive. When a person is truly at peace with the choices they have made, or have attained an inner peace with choices placed upon them, that person, in return, becomes able to appreciate that not all of their views are shared by all around them. I have found it to be the people who have not made peace with their own demons who choose to negate the beliefs of others.

Whatever the cause may be we all have to simply accept that, in all areas of life, we cannot all share the same standpoint on sensitive issues. We also need to accept that every person has a tale to tell and regardless of our beliefs it is not our story, it is that person's. Accepting another's views DOES NOT mean we need to take on those views as our own. All it means is that we need to be tolerant and trusting that our own faith will not be shattered by another's words unless we allow it to be.

*** I want to add in that there have been attacks made on both side of the "adoption debate". My response is not intended for one side or the other. It is intended for both to see and perhaps look inside themselves in an attempt to understand where their own personal need to attack is coming from.

Answer 2

I am a relatively new participant in this category so I guess I don't know what is meant by offering support in a positive and respectful way. Other than a few outliers, I have found the answers on YA "Adoption" to be honest and diverse and very helpful.

I also find it refreshing that people do not have to spout the "party line" on adoption on YA. On many of the traditional adoption forums anyone who offers information other than "adoption is just wonderful" or shares a negative experience is banned.

Edited to - and I believe that I am one of the people who was called a nazi too! LOL - gave me a good laugh.

Answer 3

I am not sure, I think if anyone sent abusive emails calling people baby-stealers and suggesting that their adoptees would be better off dead, I think that is really awful. I am not saying that didn't happen, but it is just hard to believe someone would do that.

I also think there is the mistaken notion that people are posting in allegiance to other posters and not as individuals.

Some people don't realize that adoptees and adoptive parents and natural parents are more than stereoptypes but have their own set of circumstances et al.

I also think it has to do with natural parents and adoptees speaking up more, adoptive parents are used to being the only ones with their voices heard.

It is good that people are being able to talk about a wider breadth of experiences but I agree that it should be done respectfully. Realistically there are only a few people who follow other people around, copy their questions and name call. For the most part even people with really different ideas are pretty respectful.

Answer 4

I left this forum for awhile because every time I shared what my experience has been from an adoptees perspective, I got thumbs down...just for sharing my feelings!
I'm not sure what you consider 'positive' and 'respectful'. I'm just going for 'real'. I think it's more important to be honest than to be careful.
I have personally taken offense to questions that ask, "what's the best, fastest, cheapest, most convenient, etc., way to adopt a baby? Preferably one that is below the age of...?" , well, you get the picture.
As an adoptee, I find this EXTREMELY disrespectful and really hurts me personally to read people asking questions about adopting a child like they're ordering from a menu.
I'll admit this is the only time that I have been sarcastic in answering a question. I know that I was sarcastic out of hurt and taking offense, but I also know that if others can see it from my (and maybe other adoptees) perspective, they will think before asking such tactless questions.
As to other ugliness and nastiness, I don't see what you're talking about. There is one particular person on here that seems to get a charge out of continuously baiting, but other than that, I see very real and honest answers. They may not be what everyone wants to hear, but that's just life.
I personally think it's very healing and positive to be able to read perspectives from other adoptees and birth parents, and not just the adoptive parents perspective which is all I've ever been exposed to.

Answer 5

When I came here i could see that it was already heated. But in the past few weeks it has really heated up when people post calling people nazi's, anti-adoption zealots. Feelings get hurt. This is a very charged subject. Now I don't really mind what i read, because i feel i'm just getting a well-rounded view of what people think of adoption. I just have to remember that it's just peoples views and they will be different from mine.

Answer 6

I have been attacked since day one. I have seen a number of people say their truth and attack anyone else who does not agree. Where is the support. I had a friend in tears because of some of the responses she received from people on here.
I am being told I am angry when I state that my experience is not all flowers and roses and butterflies. I am lumped with abusive first mothers who do abandon their child/ren. I did not do that. Yet I am lumped in with the very small minority. I am told that I should be grateful because I get pictures but they are aloud to lie to me. So now I am being blocked by those who attack everyone no matter who they are.

Answer 7

' 50 % of the persons within the class are steel heads! so why the hell no longer {: p,s i have to say tho, a few of the Metal bands out now simply shouldn't have that cosmetic that Metal used to posses.

Answer 8

I know that I didn't send anyone nasty emails. I have never name called or attacked anyone. I am here to educate about the pitfalls of adoption.
I am here to gather folks up to fight the adoption industry. I believe adoption should be child center not parent centered. The adoption industry is about money. It is not about us living adoption. The laws are there to protect the agencies and the attorneys. They are deathly afraid that we all will talk with each other and fight back. We as a group need to do that.

Answer 9

People seem to be pretty consistent in their answers on here over the past however many years that Answers' been around. Ive been here since its launch, and I havent noticed any kind of change in that department.

If anything answerers are getting jaded from all the "am I pregnant" questions and all the stupid people asking things like this:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071125123038AAVi5l4&r=w&pa=FZptHWf.BGRX3OFMiDJVUthN35goyYkdjdCD05z7613foBTQ8Q--&paid=answered#NbUvWzK1WTWavqcj4H_0

Answer 10

i remember how excited i was to first realize we finally had our own catagory. where we didnt have to weed through the "am i pregnant?" and other questions to find something about adoption.
it amazes me how things have gone awry. i believe everyone has a right to share their stories and feelings, even if i dont agree with them. thats what we are here for. but the presonal attacks are sickening. "baby stealers", "crack whore moms", "better off aborted instead of adopted"....
what the heck is going on? i have been 'preaching' in all of my answers about respect and understanding towards one another, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. its good to see others feel it has gotten out of hand.

everyone please voice your opinion and stories, but leave the personal attacks behind.