Okay, 6 months ago my dad admitted to me that he had cheated on my mum 3 times.(he told my mum a few months earlier - she forgave him) before he told me he used to accuse my mum of all sorts like having affairs flirting with men - and he used ask me what i thought was going on with my mum and say 'help me.' (He had an incredibly bad upbringing) I had to try and be my dad's 'brick' and help him through his insecure state. But that got me thinking all sorts about my mum. I thought she was a fake. He kept saying there was more to the story, and he would tell me when i was older. My Dad was so confincing, I had no idea it was him who had been unfaithful all along. He used to sware at her and everythin he was never violent. I was torn between 2 parents.Now i feel like the emotion has just hit me. I cryed for hours today.i told him that it was his fault that i lost all my confidence at school. I told him i'm so angry with him. Did i over react and bring up the past??
2007-11-25 07:03:36 · 7 answers · asked by Heather G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It usually works out that the one making all the accusations is the one that is actually doing the bad things. Really.
Dragging you through the mud and playing you against your mother was pure abuse on your dad's part. He used you in a most heinous manner. You've been taught a really hard set of lessons about using judgement and allowing yourself to be used. You can probably expect more of this type of manipulation as your dad gets older. Learn to use your "poker face" and take things with a grain of salt.
About all you can do is buck-up, steel yourself, live up to your commitments at school and home (treat it all like a business) and get on with your life. Go to school, go to college, get your career going, and remember this set of lessons as you navigate through marriage and childrearing.
I will suggest the EFT technique at the below website.
2007-11-25 07:32:39 · answer #1 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I don't know how old you are but you should never, ever have been brought into adult problems and certainly not into your parents marriage difficulties. Your father was wrong to do that. You aren't just reacting to the situation but to being asked at a young age to act as a mentor to your father. He should have been protecting you from all the drama and instead he put you into a position that you were in no way prepared for.
2007-11-25 07:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't over reacting at! My parents do the exact thing, they make each other the bad guy to cover up their own insecurity's and flaws. For me its more than cheating, i won't get into details but its affected me. Now I look at both of them as "bad people" really. And we kinda have superficial relationships. I NEVER tell them anything personal, never have those "heart to heart" moments. We all just pretend to be happy. I just want them to get a divorce honestly. Well taht probably didn't help, but I have empathy for you cause i understand what you are going through. I haven't figured it out yet....
2007-11-25 07:12:57 · answer #3 · answered by Monica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not overreact. He was wrong to plant any kind of ideas in your head that would make you think poorly of your mom. He was also wrong to confess his affair to you. You are the child and that weight should not have been placed on your shoulders. You have the right to what you're feeling. I think it's wise of you to share your feelings with Dad and let him know just what it's done/does to you.
When someone is cheating it can cause them to be suspicious of their partner. I think it's the guilty conscience at play. He also could have just been trying to detract attention from himself so he wouldn't get busted.
It's normal to be hurt, angry, and sad. We think of our parents, and often our fathers as mature, stable, and almost perfect. When they make a bad decision or even a series of them it can change our view of them. It's hard learning they aren't perfect and have flaws. He shouldn't have so openly shared his affair with you. It was something that should have been dealt with between him and your mom.
One of the most important things a parent can do for their children is not drag them into adult situations and issues.
I'm sorry for what you're feeling. Best of luck.
2007-11-25 07:23:59 · answer #4 · answered by MISS H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not overreacting. His twisted selfish nature caused you to doubt your own mother and who she was. He used you to make her look bad and him look pitifully innocent. It doesnt even matter how old you are, for a man to do that to his own child is despicable. You were a pawn in a sick game he played.
Im very sorry for you.
2007-11-25 07:32:52 · answer #5 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you over reacted. Sorry to hear that he was lying for so long.
2007-11-25 07:07:21 · answer #6 · answered by Watch it bub! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you arnt over reacting
2007-11-25 07:55:37 · answer #7 · answered by sam f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋