Is it helpful to visit a deceased loved one's grave site?

Answer 1

I don't think so - not for me anyway. I attach no religious significance to it. And I think it would just resurrect the grief and pain. So I don't do it.

Answer 2

It's helpful to some people, but not everyone.
My grandmother passed away over 30 years ago. About 22 years ago, when I was in one of my deepest depressions, I felt compelled to go and visit her gravesite. It helped me because my grandmother was a true stalwart woman. She endured immigration to a new country, abject poverty, 12 births, the great depression and watched her sons march off to WWII. She died at the age of 90 after a full, humble yet rich life. Almost all of which was spent without running water or electricity - and most of which had no indoor bathroom.

Last July, my father (her son) passed away of cancer. I do visit his grave, but not often. My mother, who never would have thought she would, will visit his grave at least once a week.
My father-in-law passed away this past October. My mother-in-law visited the grave once - when they installed the stone. She will likely never visit it again. They loved each other and cared deeply for one another very much, but for her, his memoies are not at his grave. she has no need to visit there.

Everyone's story is different. Anyone who has gone through grief will tell you that it's differnt for everyone. No one's story is like another. Everyone has to handle it their own way. If someone has a need to see the body, or visit the grave, for closure - so be it.

blessings :)

Answer 3

Linz,
I can obviously only speak for myself on this - as can others. I have a cousin buried in Arlington National Cemetary - he was killed during the Korean War and served gallantly during WW II in the South Pacific as a U.S. Marine.

As a kid growing up I can tell you there were countless amounts of stories from relatives. Relatives who remembered/recalled his humor, passion, and zest for life. When he was killed he left behind a 5 year old son. My cousin was killed on September 11th 1951 at the hand of the North Koreans - his patrol that evening was nothing more than a "check of the lines around a perimeter that were supposed to be empty". I had the pleasure of speaking two Christmas's ago with the last person to see him alive - then an 18 year old kid, at the time we spoke a 73 year old man who broke down and cried on the phone as I gently thanked him for his service and told him how happy I am that he returned safely - though not the same, never the same mentally.

My son and I left a prayer at the head stone of my cousin - my son even thanked William for "His Service". As I write this now to you and as I did at the day that I was at this head stone - "Was it helpful to visit a deceased loved one's grave site?" - my eyes are filled with the same water and the answer is yes.

As I pondered my own service and medals now that are kept in a tin can in my basement for me it was very helpful - the strong Irish Catholics in my family and the memories of stories by people no longer here - caught up with me at the moment I was there. My son and I then went to see the "Old Guard" - and as I rendered my salute to the changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown - I knew that William was watching, and I could only hope my own service in some strange fashion measured up to his - though I doubt it internally.

I agree with the good Reverend above me - her answer was short and to the point - consider this the extended version. The Reverend deserves the 10 points - seems people of the cloth have a way of reaching without having to use alot of words.

Semper Fi,
Gerry :)

Answer 4

I've never needed it for emotional closure, but I visit many of my family grave sites throughout the year as a sign of respect. I also like to make sure that my great-grandfather, who is a veteran of the Civil War, always has his GAR marker and flag (I'm not that old but if you want the story of how a 38 yr old has a great grandfather who fought in the Civil War you'll have to ask :-) )

Answer 5

I couldn't say. I've never visited a loved one's grave, and never felt a need to -- the part of the person that matters most to me, I carry around with me always.

Answer 6

no, I think it really stupid. I even think graves are nothing more than a superstitious silly custom. I advocate leaving the dead loved ones at the curb to be picked up with the next garbage collection. Visiting The grave sites is so backwards, really enlightened (*wink*) people would never do it.

Answer 7

it is for many reasons...its a reminder that we can die at any moment and that we should think about whats going to happen afterwards...its also beneficial cos u can pray for them...but i usually get a little teary the last few times i've went...i miss my aunt, who was a second mother to me...brings back good memories when i go visit her grave n it makes me really thankful that my folks are still alive and greatful for the fact that she was there for me and offered me so much guidance...

Answer 8

For some, I'm sure.

I've wanted to visit my father's grave, but it's 1500 miles away in a state I have no desire to visit outside of his grave. I couldn't even get to his funeral.

Answer 9

Not for me. But I like mementos -- things people made or gave to me. They seem like more of a connection than a place in the ground.

Answer 10

It is helpful only to the people left behind, it does nothing for the deceased.
If it helps those left behind, it can be incredibly benificial though.

Jessica