I am angry. Is this the best we can be?

Question

Why, when someone seeks genuine help and is in pain, do some of us in R&S offer answers which are hurtful, cruel, mocking, or at the least, unhelpful? This is disgraceful behavior. What can we as a community do to stop it?

I give you the majority of the responses to this question as examples of what I'm angry about: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aun2Hkh_fZcq_7dB942c7fXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071125084952AAKI7yP&show=7#profile-info-f5bda725fb7b6136917e7a5e56006d49aa

Pangel--Yes, exactly. When you're seeking help for depression, being told to read your Bible or told your religious beliefs are a lie is just not useful.

Dr. Kemp--It's not fair or courteous to kick someone when they're down, would you agree? And no, some of these people really do NOT know when their questions are likely to be ridiculed.

Premahc--That could be the case. Mainly, it's the culmination of a frustration that has built up over time, observing the questions and answers I see here. Why can't we simply say, "It sounds like you have a serious problem; maybe you should talk to a professional about it." instead of mocking or trivializing someone's beliefs? I guess you can't legislate good manners.

Answer 1

As you see some of the answers you got were similar to what that person is getting. Too bad, but I think the one gentleman here is right. Many use this to convert rather that to actually help. I for one am on to "listen" and answer as honestly as I can in order to teach and help those I can help. Those who I can not help or who have questions I can't answer I will either pass by or send them in the direction where they might find answers. To tell someone they are going to hell or to convert and be saved is a put down, but human nature will do that. Too bad. Can't help everyone though I wish I could. Good luck!

Answer 2

I read the first few answers and saw that they addressed the question from their specific point of view. How is that wrong and disgraceful? What would your answer have been? Would it be better or more helpful?

The person posting the question is depressed. The individual believes the depression is rooted in their Christian faith. All anyone can do is answer the question with that in mind.

And had it been me answering? Being a non Christian, I would have advised that they seek professional help. For all I know, their Christian faith could well be masking a deeper problem.

One should never allow the fog of religion or any other aspect of an individual's life mask a biochemical problem or some deeply buried issue that needs to be brought out into the light of day.

Answer 3

People who are serious about their problems need to find a better way to express their discomfort then in a committee such as this. They're asking the opinions of many, many people, without restriction.

Unless they've been void of human contact for the majority of their life, a person knows when the question he or she asks is going to be laughed at. They should have sense enough not to ask the question in the first place, and find another, more private way to solve their problems.

I have just as much right to make fun of a question as you do to ask it. That's the 1st amendment, right there.

EDIT: Actually, I do agree. I believe that kicking a man while he's down is one of the worst things that you could do to someone, as they all ready feel bad enough. I also didn't say that I was one of the who make fun of such questions. If I were to answer a question just to make fun, it would be both a waste of my time and their's, if I didn't know the answer. I wasn't trying to make you understand why I do it, I was trying to help you understand why other's do it.

Answer 4

This type of answer is not a matter of lack of sympathy or empathy or understanding (which is usually is as well). This is
rude behavior which those posting believe that they can get away with because of the type of format used in posting the question.

Many of those who post hurtful, cruel, mocking, or unhelpful answers are at best immature and at worst twisted, selfish or arrogant people who do not care to help, but would rather kick someone when they are down.

Anyone is welcome to post an answer, but what kind of individual (who does not believe that any Religion is helpful and that there is nothing Spiritual in the universe) spends their time in Religion & Spirituality harassing other users? A fool? A sick person? An arrogant one who wants others to see their intellect in action? Just someone without any common courtesy? A person with no social skills?

As a community, there may be nothing which can be done. Abuse reporting (for the very worse cases) or starting a thumbs Up/Down war will have no results on these individuals. They will just make new accounts and come right back to continue their activity.

The best that you can do is to learn to control your own anger and not to let such people reach you. Other than making others angry, these individuals have no impact on society. Without their rude behavior, nobody would notice them at all.

Can we, as users, do better? Can humanity do better? Yes, most certainly. But it will require each of us to help heal the mentally and spiritually sick surrounding us. This is best achieved by not becomming angry at them or their behavior.

Answer 5

Well, you can't stop it. People are going to answer as they see fit.

Sometimes, as in the case you pointed out, people answer in a way that they have found true for themselves. If it's true for them, perhaps it will be true for the person asking the question as well. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Mocking answers to serious questions may be annoying or angering, but you know, sometimes those kinds of answers actually work to bring someone out of a funk. It's not pleasant to get them, but there have been a couple of times where answers that angered me actually had a point and made me think in a way I hadn't done yet. It's not necessarily a bad thing.

The people receiving these answers are free to take them or leave them as they see fit, too. It's not like they're chained to the wall and forced to read the angering answers over and over again. If they don't like one, they can ignore it and read something else.

Answer 6

i didn't see anything there worth getting angry over. there were no mean-spirited answers, and the majority were offering advice, even if you don't think the advice was appropriate. the man posted this question on a volatile forum, how do we know he wasn't trolling? a lot of his questions were along the same lines in various sections, yet none of his answers indicated any kind of problem, they were all business. did you bother to check his profile?

as others have said, this is not the place to be seeking treatment for depression or to expect unconditional love. maybe he really is battling depression, but he says in an answer that has a background in alternative therapies. he knows where to find appropriate help. i'm surpriesed nobody called him to the floor for that.

Answer 7

I disagree that most of those answers were cruel or mocking. I see a lot of answers from atheists. Many of us know what it feels like to feel the way that person does. Being a Christian utterly depressed me. Now that I've shed those beliefs, I feel liberated, happy, and ready to go forth with my life. Me saying that to that guy would not be cruel or mocking or unhelpful. I wish someone had said it to me years ago.

Answer 8

I can only write about my own responses. Many times the way the questions are worded leave themselves open for different ways of answering. If you want serious solutions shouldn't you go straight to an expert? Say, a physician? Just my opinion.

Answer 9

This is the wrong place to look for help. If you want help it is available other places besides a yahoo forum. Seriously what kind of help do you want from these boards? This is the silliest place to ask for it. In fact if you want real help go out in the real world not online to get it. This is goofy. I never have heard of anything so ignorant. By the way it doesn't sound like christianity is doing it for him if he is depressed. He sounds bi-polar and needs to get help. Real help not this place here.

edit: You're right you can't legislate manners. This is the internet and most of us who use it realize that bad manners and bad taste are the norm.

Answer 10

At this site, it's "user beware" or "post at your own risk"
It's like going for a swim in the old swimming hole and finding alligators, ne? Some people can do that. For me, I take the good answers and ignore the bad. I read them all, but rarely give a thumbs down (which makes the answer disappear). It is unwise to invest any emotion into this.