hi, my son is 14 and is accused of making racist comments im convinced he didnt do it, whats best way to talk?

Question

my son is accused in school of making a racist comment, he never even knew the words whats best way to talk to him

Answer 1

Take it easy have him sit around with people he trusts and ask him what happened and don't be threatening in your tone but be consoling

Answer 2

I hope you are right, and you may be. However 14 year olds know a lot more than they let on to their parents. How do you know he never even knew those words? Even though you may not use them, he may have heard them in school, or from his friends. Just sit down, look him in the eyes, and ask him if he said , "whatever it was he was accused of?" He's 14. He should understand about racism, and if he doesn't, you should explain it to him now. Believe me, he's old enough. The only way to talk to him is openly and honestly. You know your son pretty well, but honestly a lot of kids are good at fooling their parents. I was. My mother almost never asked me if I did bad things she heard. She automatically defended me. I was guilty quite often. Had she asked, I honestly don't know if I would have told her the truth, but it would have made a difference if she had kept asking.

See what he says. Assess the situation and move from there.

Answer 3

I assume he's white. For the last 30 years (maybe longer) the public and private school systems have been geared toward teaching that everything white is bad and everything black is good. If a black person complains that a white guy made a racist comment, the whole system swings into gear to condemn the white guy before there's even a decent opportunity to examine the actual facts. I don't know what your son said, but I think it's really wrong to make him apologize if he honestly did nothing wrong.

Answer 4

He's 14 and he "never even knew the words"???
Hmmmm...that's what he's saying, right?
I'm thinking he may have said something....I'm not pointing fingers, but I dont know of any 14 year old in this day and age that doesnt "know the words" to any racist statement or phrase. That's all, I mean no offense to you or your son.

Anyway, say "look, whether you said it or not, they are saying you said it. It's not always what you say, it's also HOW you say something. So cut it the hell out. Racial statements, comments, phrases, etc can get you prosecuted. You dont want to go to jail and I dont want people of differing races coming by and egging this house. So whatever you said, OR THEY SAY you SAID, dont do it.... EVER.".

Sorry, that's the best I can come up with for this situation. I cant give you a flowery talk on celebrating diversity for this. I had a stepson who never EVER did or said anything wrong. But the funny thing was, he was always getting into trouble at school for saying sh!t. Imagine that.

Answer 5

Geez, 14, does he even know what a racist comment is? At that age, kids are exploring the world and he probably does say things like "gay" without even thinking about it. However, as we get older, we have to remember that there all are kinds of different people in the world. This is what makes it interesting. And, we should not look down on anyone just because of their skin color, sex, age, etc. This is why people some people commit hate crimes. Because they think people that are different from them are bad. Sounds like alot of kids, he needs a healthy dose of empathy. Try this website, has stuff for teens, free videos and lesson plans could be passed to his teachers, parents too!

Answer 6

Well I would say to him that the school has accused him of something and you want to hear his side of the story, let him talk you through it and if you feel it is racist don't yell at him just explain that what he says wasn't acceptable if you don't think it is racist then I would contact the school and explain what he said and what he meant. It is tough with racism because sometimes even saying something to someone from a different background can be construed as racism. Good luck.

Answer 7

Everyone is judgemental in one way or another, sexist, racist or ageist. it is painful to admit this but we are all human and unless we have the opportunity to examine how we feel towards others these feelings and the language we use can go on through out our lives. this is an excellent opportunity to examine the type of language you use at home and how this might impact on the way your son feels about others. he might be following the crowd and heard these words being used by others and is confused how he feels. give him the chance to express his confusion and help him to work around the language commonly used by 14 year old boys and how some would find it offencive. good luck and think its a great growing experience for both of you.

Answer 8

Just come out and be straight with him. Maybe he didn't realise he was being offensive. Most kids act as if they are innocent. I always got my son to swear on my life that he was telling the truth. It still works now and he's 21. I don't say its the best thing to do, but I can always tell if someone is lying, they either don't look directly at you when they are answering, or they blink a lot or they gulp a lot. Keep an eye on those signs and you will have your answer

Answer 9

First of all, "He knows the words". Don't be SO naive when it comes to kids, especially teens. Do you read some of the things that they write on here? They know more obviously than you do. He knows exactly how to manipulate you. You know in your head and heart when your child is lying, whether you want to admit it or not. Or, maybe you're not in tuned to him You should never take the side of your child against an adult until you have heard all sides. And never say "not my child". Just think "Why would an adult have to lie", and "Why would your child have to lie"? The teacher will obviously not get in trouble. You need to wake up and be a parent NOT A FRIEND. You need to teach him to respect all people of every race and socially economical backgrounds. Maybe you should have him to volunteer at a shelter?

Answer 10

Even if you don't use the words at home don't assume that he doesn't know them. Kids pick up words from their friends, television, movies and music so it's quite possible he did know the words and what they mean. The best way to talk to him about it is to be direct. Just sit him down and ask him if he said whatever the school said he did. If he did do it then you should discuss why he would do something like that.

Answer 11

what made him say what he said .... ask him that and tell him two wrongs don't make a right. for example a black kid can call a white kid a cracker the other kid could come back with the n word the black kid wouldn't get into any trouble.. look at it this way if a white guy kills a black man its a hate crime and makes the front page in the newspaper. but at the same time the same day a black police officer kills a black man in a road rage incident it makes page 9 in the new york post. what I'm saying is its not looked at the same its like we all look at it as we are all 14. that's our society today for you!!