Putting a dog down. Explaining to 4 year old.?

Question

We have a black lab that's about 15 years old. He's deaf. He's got lumps all over him. He has a very hard time getting up and down stairs. His appitite is on and off. Now, he has bladder control issues. With the cold weather coming, it's really going to be difficult to get up and down the stairs. I built a ramp for him but he won't use it. He's too heavy to keep carrying up and down. The dog doesn't seem happy but, he doesn't seem to be in physical pain. It's hard to tell. It's always been hard to tell with him.

If we do decide to put him down before it gets really cold, how do I explain it to the 4 year old? Or, do I wait until he's staying over grandma's house and say the dog took off into the woods or got hit by a car?

One other thing. This dog once bit my son when he was a little under two. The dog had leg issues at the time and my son was just learning to walk. He fell on him and the dog bit him in the face. It wasn't bad and I don't fault the dog but, our other son is just learning to walk and I'm worried. We've tried to keep the dog away from the kids as much as possible. Prior to our first son being born, we had a behavioral specialist work with our dog because he had lunged at people before. She said "He's just playing" .... yeah right. He also snapped at me a couple of months ago which he has NEVER done before. Anyway, I guess I'm just putting this here because I want to stress that there are other reasons why this should be done. We've just been putting it off.

Answer 1

So, you're already planning to lie to your child. Good parenting! Why not start explaining the truth to him, and preparing him for the day. If you want to help ease the pain, explain to heim about the Rainbow Bridge.


There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills, and valleys with lush green grass.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather.

The old and frail animals are young again.
They play all day with each other.

There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loves them on Earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up! The nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes are staring! And this one suddenly runs from the group! You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together never to be seperated.

Answer 2

Lying to a child about the death of a pet is never a good idea. If you tell him the dog "ran away" he will always hold out hope that the dog might come back and I fail to see how the dog supposedly dying by being hit by a car would be any easier for a four year old to take than the dog being euthanized by the vet. He's going to have to cope with loss and death throughout his life and helping him figure out how to do that when he is young will make it a less painful experience when he is older. It is sad to loose a pet, but it makes good practice for children who will eventually have to deal with the death of a grandparent or parent or uncle or friend.

Explain to your child that the dog is very sick. Tell him that the dog is in a lot of pain and that the doggie doctor can not make him better. Then explain to the child that the vet can give your dog a shot that will make all of the pain go away, but that it will mean that the dog will have to go to live in heaven.

Answer 3

The dog may not seem to be in pain but you have to realize that dogs (animals) in general have a higher tolerance for pain then we do. So even though your dog is not showing signs like we would of pain it doesn't mean your dog is not in pain. You have to consider the quality of life and unfortunately from what you have explained I don't believe the quality is there. You need to take all these things into consideration and make your decision from there. I have had pets before that I have believed that their quality of life was no longer there and to reassure myself that I was doing the right thing by having them euthanized I talked to their vet. Maybe this is something you should do. As far as your four year old is concerned I don't think you should lie to the child. This is a good time to learn about death a little before a human family member dies. Notice I said human family member because I'm sure your dog is a family member. I don't think you should go into detail telling him that the dog was euthanized because that is a lot to understand. I would tell him that the dog is sick and needs to go to the animal doctor. Then later explain to him that your pet died there and went to animal heaven or whatever it is you want him to believe in. Don't tell him the dog ran away or got hit because later on he will find out the truth. Even if you told him this it's still going to hurt and he will still have to grieve so you might as well be honest with him up front. Sorry about your dog.

Answer 4

Just explain to the child that the dog was sick and he had to be put to sleep and go to heaven to be with God. Don't lie to a child, he might cry for a little while but he's young he'll bounce back. At 4 he might not understand fully but if you say he ran away he might be constantly asking when will the dog come home. Kids have to learn about death sooner or later.

I wish I could share an email I got regarding a little 5 year old girl who's black lab had to be put to sleep. She sent a letter to God (actually mailed it) with a photo of the dog so God would recognize her and take good care of her when she got to Heaven. A kind postal worker in the dead mail office wrote a letter back to the child and delivered along with the letter a book by Mr. Rodgers on coping with pet loss. He also sent the photo back to the child and explained that the dog was happy and running around in heaven and no longer sick. It was the saddest thing I ever read, but maybe a book on losing a pet might help your child understand and you can read it to him.

Dogs will always hide their illness even if they are suffering you will not know, it's called survival of the fittest and if an animal was sick or dying they had to be very good about hiding it so they didn't get attacked or picked off. Your dog will tell you when it's time to go but it sounds like it's his time.

I'm sorry you have to make this decision, I know your decision isn't an easy one.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry about your dog. I don't think there is a "right" way to explain to your son what's happening, but I'll tell you what I would suggest: tell your son whatever you think he needs to hear. Perhaps a scenario like this one:

Get your son excited about your dog's departure by talking about how it's almost time for the dog to go to heaven, and how nice heaven will be for him. Tell him that the dog is getting ready, and that he's excited about it. That he'll never hurt again, he'll get to see his other dog friends that have passed on, he'll play all day, and that he'll wait there until all of you can come there to join him again. Talk about it often, especially if your son can comprehend the suffering that the dog does go through with his age related problems. Within a few weeks, perhaps you can have a friend pick up to dog to "take him to heaven" and, hopefully, your son will have a happy goodbye with his dog. I definitely don't recommend telling him anything that might scare or upset him...whatever you decide to tell him, make it sound like a positive experience for the dog...it'll make your son much more at ease. Again, I'm sorry about your dog, I've been there, and I know how difficult a decision it is to make.

Answer 6

I certainly wouldn't lie to the child. I believe I would just try to get him in a pleasant environment and explain to him ( I'm sure he has noticed ) that his pet was hurting a lot and rather than let him keep hurting ( which I'm sure he wouldn't want that ) it was best for the pet to go to a better place where he wouldn't hurt ever again. I've never been confronted with a situation like this and pray I never am. Regardless how you explain it to your son I can only imagine the heart break. I really feel for all concerned. You and your family will be in my prayers. Also after a mourning period, you may want to get him another animal, I would suggest a puppy similar to the likes of the one you had.

Answer 7

You don't want to lie to her, cause if sometime in the future the truth comes out, and it very likely will.. she'll always remember that you lied.

Tell her that the dog is old and he is sick, and he feels bad all the time.. and that he is going to die soon.. He'll be happy then and won't have any pain and won't be suffering and it's for the best. She's 4 she doesn't need to hear a big drawn out explaination, she just needs to know he isn't happy now, but he will be happy when he is gone..

Answer 8

I wouldn't lie about it -- it will come back to you. I have had to do this before and it is never easy but I explained to my daughter that the dog was suffering badly and that we loved it enough that we got the vet to help it not suffer any more and that the dog was not suffering any more. She cried but she was able to deal with it actually better than we were... It is hard to watch your child suffer though an experience like that but it is a learning experience that everyone has to learn to deal with eventually, unfortunately. If the dog doesn't seem happy, depressed, odds are it is not comfortable - dogs tend to not express pain like humans do and instead start limiting their actions and being depressed about it. When it is getting near the time that you know he needs to leave this body, you might have your child know that the time is near and to maybe do something special for the dog like a favorite treat or something... it just isn't ever easy but I know that lying about it isn't the way to go...

Answer 9

I would not lie to him, but I would NOT take him with you when you have it done. It is traumatic enough for an adult. I would just do what was said above about the Rainbow Bridge, and let him know he's running, fetching, and swimming like a puppy again. If you go to Rainbowbridge.com you can actually print out the poem and buy memorials for your pooch. But definately be honest with him. My daughter had a bunny that died (he was old) when she was 4, and we had a little funeral and everything. It was hard, and she still talks about it (she's 7 now) but she learned from it too. Good luck, and my condolences to your family :(

Answer 10

First here is a poem for you

PUT ME TO REST

Time to let me go my friend,
Because my life no-one can mend,
Its better to let me go this way,
Than watch me suffer night and day.

I'm happy to go, my time has come,
My quality of life is no longer fun,
Ive been so ill, so its not a bad thing,
To let me go forever resting.

Stay with me till I drift away,
Fast asleep forever I pray,
To relieve me from suffering and pain,
What more can I ask from my best friend.

Don't be sad, I'll be free from pain,
Never to be ill ever again,
I know you'll miss me being there,
But all the memories you have to share.

Thankyou for being my best friend,
And all my needs that you did tend,
Try not to be sad, try not to cry,
Now's the time to say GOODBYE PUT ME TO REST


Now for your son;
This isn't easy to tryto explain to a young child.
I don't believe in telling "lies"
I would just try my very best to explain to him how the dog was getting so bad. What you did or had done.
Yes a 4 year old isn't going to understand and will keep asking where is the dog. time will heal.
If you want get a picture of your dog and keep this poem and give it to him in a couple years. Hopefully if he has a dog later he can make the right decission.