My boyfriend of nearly a year, is in the army. he has just returned from 3 months away and all the time he lets me down.
For example, i saw him for the first time yesterday and he practically squeezed me in for two hours, and I said to him keep tomorrow night free as i want to take you out for a meal, he just called me saying "oh im at my mates, and i dunno wot im doing tonight, i dunno if we are going out or not' meaning him and his friends. then he said ' oh what about tomoro night, or tuesday?" Is he messing me about, or does he just want to see his friends coz its the weekend and he just got bk? and when i said "I thought u were seeing me" he said "I dunno tho, ill let you know, if me n my mates r not going out' ill let u know. :( really starting to get to me?
2007-11-25 00:43:06 · 23 answers · asked by L-Marie! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
People, can I just say he has always been like this after getting home!
2007-11-25 00:59:45 · update #1
if your b/f is in the army and spent 3 months away from you no way would he want to go out with his mates you would come first did he mail you while he was away or phone my fella is in forces and even though he is in iraq at mo he has still sent me lots of emails and rang me and when he comes home if he went out with his mates and not me first he would be dumped so fast you need to get rid or at least tell him it's over and see what he does hope this helps.
2007-11-25 00:53:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may well just be trying to see everyone at once and finding it hard,or maybe not!
But I would give him some time (depending on how long he's home for) to do some catching up,if he's still making excuses after that,maybe it's time you realised that he really is just messing you about,and if he is,he's a low life not worth bothering about if he can't be openly honest with you and just tell you he's not into you in the same way anymore.
If he makes you wait and wait an unreasonable amount of time before he eventually contacts you to arrange to see you,just make sure you don't let him have his wicked way with you cos you'll only end up feeling used,and who knows if that's exactly what he's doing,using you!!!
Keep an open mind and bide your time for now,and try not to seem too keen to him,let him see you have a life too,other than him. If he genuinly cares about you,he wont make you wait that long,and if he does,that says it all in my opinion!
It does puzzle me that you've been together a year yet you're more excited to spend quality time with him than he is about spending time with you!
If my boyfriend spared me a measley 2 hrs after getting home,I'd be quite disappointed too,more so if he was putting having a full night out with his mates first before he's even spared me a full night together.
I could understand it more if it was his family he wanted to spend alot of time with first.
If he makes you wait too long,tell him you've made other arrangements when he eventually does pick a specific night for you and him,cos if you don't,he will always think he can treat you this way and that you'll always be there at his beck and call.
Remember,people only get away with treating us badly and continue to do so because we allow them to.
2007-11-25 00:56:30 · answer #2 · answered by tinyfeet64 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You likely won't want to hear this but... if you have been dating for a year now and you aren't the person who has priority in his life for dinner after he just returned from being away then it doesn't look good. I would be willing to bet that the first time he saw you when he got back he "got some" and now that that urge is filled he's off to play with the boys again.
On the other hand, if he had been back for several days and you guys had hung out several times and now he wanted a night to hang out with his friends I would say he is quite normal. Anyone would want to see all their friends if possible after being away but most people would want to spend most of their time with their significant other after returning from an absence of 3 months. Plus if he couldn't at least commit to dinner with you and then maybe go out for awhile with his friends after dinner...just doesn't sound good.
2007-11-25 00:51:21 · answer #3 · answered by jenny s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you'd been away for 3 months, would you prioritise your mates or your boyfriend?
Why?
In the army he's been used to working closely in groups of blokes, so that's what he'd been conditioned to.
If the relationship is serious on both sides, you need to be able to work through this as the problem will continue all the time he is in the Army.
2007-11-25 00:49:58 · answer #4 · answered by Emma Jean 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys always see their mates as more important than a gf. Since he's in the army, the camaraderie is stronger and there is a great tendency for that. If you want to continue being his gf, you'll probably have to accept that. If not, you'd better find yourself someone who will put you first, coz I don't think he will.
2007-11-25 00:47:38 · answer #5 · answered by imaglin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should let him have a rest first - he's probly missed his mates since 3 months away. and i know what you're thinking - he's missed me too! He has missed you. but those mates of his are just as special as you are to him. just let him have the time he needs to spend some time with his mates (a week, maybe) and then ask him out for a meal again.
2007-11-25 00:48:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you're unhappy with where he places you in his list of priorities, then break up with him. You need to feel loved and wanted, and it seems he doesn't satisfy your needs.
I have never deserted a GF to go out with my mates - snuggling with a GF is for me a million times better. If you were with me I wouldn't leave your side :) Unfortunately I'm probably old enough to be your Dad (44) so that's hypothetical.
2007-11-25 00:56:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever you do do not sit at home waiting for him to make time for you. Call your friends and have a girls night out. Make him wait for you.
2007-11-25 00:55:17 · answer #8 · answered by MARSHA A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like he isn't that serious about your relationship. I would talk to him and see what he is expecting out of it. I mean it is good to have friends to but if you care for your girl she should come first.
2007-11-25 00:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That relationship is over.
If you man just got back in town and he doesn't' want to be with you, then he is:
A) So through with you.
B) Has somebody else he'd rather be with.
C) Gay and prefers to be with his "mates."
Move on. Stop trying to get someone to love you who really doesn't want to.
2007-11-25 00:51:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋