who has a solution. marriage problem?

Question

it is diffecult for me to have sex with my wife not because she hate me but because she hate sex also she refuses foreplay she sees it disgustig.
1- i talked with her about this issue, she said "by time everything will be fine"

2-she wants to have a baby

2-she refuses to go to the consultant or psychiatric.


is there a way i can make her love sex?. she is 27. one year marriage.

Answer 1

First rule of marriage is that you can't change the other person. You either need to learn to accept who she is or seek counseling for yourself. Maybe a counselor can help you deal with this and in doing so you may end up indirectly encouraging her to go as well.

Answer 2

I would talk with her A LOT! Has she ever been sexually abused? This can leave serious problems with the victim. If everything else in the relationship is going well and you too, want a child, then let her lead Let her initiate what feels good or okay to her physically. Foreplay can be a number of things... leaving her sweet notes, a foot rub, back rub, even washing the dishes or doing some other chore she usually takes care of can be a turn on to a woman. If you could do things like this for several days without looking to seal the deal she may feel more relaxed and let herself enjoy taking things to the next level.

Answer 3

If it's only been a short amount of time (a couple of days, a couple of weeks, even a couple of months) then you may just need to go with the flow. You have to understand that women's hormones are constantly fluctuating and sex right now may not be comfortable due to hormonal changes. Even if you find sex enjoyable every day your wife may not-it may be extremely uncomfortable and even painful for her. Also, just because your wife doesn't like foreplay doesn't mean she can't be turned on. It's nice sometimes just to know that I can kiss my husband or give him a hug, or mess around with him and know that he won't be expecting more (and we've also been married for about one year). And, as weird as that may seem, sometimes that's the best way to get things going. Try not to pressure your wife, that may be part of the problem, and make sure that you show her that you love her in other ways and that your relationship doesn't have to be all physical all the time. Buy her flowers "just because", take her to her favorite restaurant (or even better make her favorite food for dinner and eat in candlelight), arrange to go out on a "date" together, anything that she enjoys doing that doesn't necessarily involve the bedroom. If nothing else works and she doesn't feel up to it ask her if she'll watch a movie with you (you know the kind) see if that doesn't lead anywhere. No matter what you do you may not be able to make her LOVE sex but try your hardest to make sure that she feels loved no matter what. Also, make sure she feels beautiful. It can't hurt to let her know that you still find her attractive. Women love to hear that we look sexy--even if we're not in the mood for sex. Just try talking about it with her but don't get pushy!

Answer 4

sorry to hear that, there could be some reason she dislikes sex, mentally or physically. childhood molestation,rape, etc. are some issues why some women avoid sex,and counselling, for fear of having to re-live or talk about these issues again. self disapproval of the way they look naked is also a big reason women will avoid sex. your physical condition and size could be another deturant if sex hurts or is uncomfortable for her. you guys are newleyweds still , my wife is 27 also, and just the opposite with 4 years under our belts. ask her what exactly she means by "in time everything will be fine". im detecting there is some kind of meaning or message being lost in the translation there.please, let me know how it goes, i, feel for you buddy, it is definitly a big issue in a marriage, and with out taking care of it, and soon, will only lead to problems.

Answer 5

Well she is going to have to get over her sex issues if she wants to have a baby.

And if she is unwilling to seek a therapist to work on this "problem" then is probably no way to make her like much less love sex.

And sorry after a year if she is still not into sex then more time won't help without seeking help.

Answer 6

the unfortunate truth is that she DOES want to have sex, just not with you. She thinks a baby will make your marriage better for her but over the long term, she is mistaken. You sound like a mature, caring man. Perhaps see a counsellor by yourself to help you make some decisions about your relationship because you deserve someone who loves you and wants to have sex with you as well.

Answer 7

May be her thinking is too conservative. It can even be a result of some past incident. U need to maintain ur calm. Forcing her will be like pushing her away. Take her to romantic places where she can see couples holding hands or hugging. Kiss her when she looks beautiful and present romantic gifts. Make her comfortable. Gradually she will open up and things will be fine.

Answer 8

Sounds like there are deeper issues here, and she needs time to work them out. If she wants a baby then she wants to work them out. She refuses consult because she wants to work them out herself. Hating sex may be because of a bad experience. Give her time. be kind, gentle, patient, and understanding and things will work out. one year is nothing in a lifetime you've commited to spending together. Good luck, and don't give up.

Answer 9

did she like sex when you two were dating?? does she say why she doesnt like sex? beside the fact that it is disgusting to her?
have you tried to do the whole sensual thing with her?? instead of rough sex, try having slow lovemaking.

if nothing else works then it is time to go to counseling.
tell her that you are trying to save your marriage.. you are a man, and everyone needs sex. and it will be found if you go too long without it. married or not. hate to say it but its true.

Is she hiding something? is she being completley honest with why she doesnt like sex? trauma?
try a sex therapist.

good luck

Answer 10

I'm a sex hater my self . but I'll tell you what ; try to understand what kind of fantasies she has about sex , I assure you that she has some , but I think it would be rather soft sex related ! .. anyway.. just try to know her fantasies , and do them exactly as she pleases ( even if its not much of fun for you ) , and once you do , your wife will turn into a sex machine ... non stop.

after doing that for sometime, she will be needing more kinds of fantasies , that's when you show up your fantasies to her .

good luck