BIG problem?

Question

Here's the deal. I have a cousin who is 6 years old, and though she is not a violent child, she is like....a menacing little brat and I find it so hard to like her! I love her because she is my cousin, but I can't stand to be around her, because she is so worshipped by her mother (who finds no wrong in her whatsoever and who wouldn't discipline her if the world depended on it) and so whiney and manipulative. If she doesn't get her way she throws a monster fit (and gets her way of course) and all she can think about is another way to make someone buy her a toy (to add to her collection of 2 rooms full of toys). I am 20 years old and I feel so bad because I feel like I should be affectionate and loving toward this child, but I just can't seem to do it. My mother, sister, father, and all my friends feel the same way about her..and we all feel bad.

What can I do to love this child more? I hate the fact that i dread seeing my own cousin.

I have talked to my aunt (her mother) and told her that she has to sit some boundaries for the child, and she insists that she does what she has to but being that the child is only six, bad behavior is expected. Anytime she acts up or bawls on the floor because she didn't get that 3rd popsicle, her mother will just go, "Awww she's tired.." or "She's had too much sugar today and it's made her crazy." It's never , "I've spoiler her rotten."

Im not Dr. Phil and I can't tell a mother how to raise a child, so I don't know what to do. Stay away i guess....

Answer 1

The problem is not the child...the problem is the childs parents. If the parent would take a more active role in disciplining the child, then the child would not be so rude to you and your family. I think your family should all have a little word with her mother and father. The change will have to start there. The kid is not going to listen to you or anyone else when it comes to discipline if mommy and daddy don't give a care. She learned this behavior because it works, when it stops working...she will change.

Answer 2

You are not her parent, so you can not discipline her. However you do not have to willingly be around her. For example, if you know she is going out with your mother and her mother, you don't have to go and witness her behavior.
I do applaud you for speaking to her mother. I'm sure many family members have if she behaves this way on a constant. Hopefully with more people voicing their opinions, her mother will see something has to be done. I come from a big family too, with tons of younger cousins, and they do not behave like angels. However, my aunts are defensive when people mention there kids bad behavior. So I avoid scenes when I know what the outcome will be. Also, when I am babysitting, I tell my cousins,(at 6 years old they have some concept of right and wrong), why they can't get what they want. If you are trusted enough to watch someones child, they trust you enough to make the right choices regarding their children.

Answer 3

Action speaks louder than words.
When ever you hear that your cousin is coming to visit, then don't be around to observe the offensive behavior. Look, the character of this child solely lies at the feet of her mother, and sooner more than later she will find out the hard way the error in her rearing practice of her child. If you stop being around
The child's mother will wonder why; that's when you tell her. But please use tact.

Answer 4

Don't worry about it. The child has a severe personality defect caused by her lack of responsible parenting. It's not your fault, and NOBODY would want to be around a kid like that, family or not.

The only way to fix this, is to sit her parents down and talk to them and explain what a little monster they have created. This won't work, more than likely, but it might be worth a try.

Other than that, don't even worry about it, just chalk it up as a relative that you don't need to be around, and let it go.

Answer 5

Remember, it is not the child you hate, but the parent who makes the child behave this way or allows it to happen.....you can either put up with it or address the parents and ask that this not happen in your presence.....that may cause some problems, but in the end, the parents may have never thought about it until the moment you address the issue....or they wont care...or they'll get angry with you for butting in. When in your house, I would demand that the behavior change...at her own home she can act as she chooses.....just remember that the child is only doing what the parents allow her to do.....if it didn't work, she wouldn't do it!!

Answer 6

My mom used to always say "You can pick your friends, but not your family!" This is a good case-in-point
Tell your Aunt that, "you do not like being around your cousin because she is not disciplined enough and is out of control!" Say it honestly, straight forward and without anger. THEN CHOOSE NOT TO BE AROUND THAT CHILD!!!!
If everyone in your family did this, your Aunt may, just may, see the error in her parenting style and change her ways.
Listen, no one is "obligated" to "like" anyone. You love this child, but do not like her and that is perfectly OK. Just remember WHO made her this way.
Love her by doing your part to try and change the way her mother parents.
Good Luck!!!!

Answer 7

Someone needs to set the mother down and tell her you are all fed up with her child's antics. She needs to set some boundaries and enforce them. If the mother isn't willing to then you each need to do it. When the child is in your home you make the rules. If mom doesn't enforce them then you do. If the kid won't listen to you because mom is around then tell mom to make it clear to the kid that when she's in your home it's your rules, or take her home. My siblings and all of my friends know when they're kids are in my home they follow the same rules mine do. If mom and dad don't step up and straighten out a bratty kid then they know we will. My sis is currently having these same issues with her oldest. Since her and their father are separated she is having trouble disciplining because she doesn't want to be the bad guy. My nephew knows though that I will punish him if he acts that way in my home. My kids also know if they are in someone else's home and act up that person has the right to punish them if I'm not around. It's all about respect and she isn't teaching her child any. Tell her it may not matter to her if she is respected but it matters to you!

Answer 8

You can love her without liking her. Treat her the best you can
but let her and her mother know in no uncertain terms that her
behaviour is absolutely unacceptable.
Recommend to her mother that she get her daughter into a regular program of Sunday School or Synagogue.
Let them know that this is for her own good and that she is on a downhill path to hell. Don't mince words. Give it to her straight.
I Cr 13;8a
Ps 122;6.

Answer 9

Hmmm.......it's ok if you don't like her because she is too spoil from her own mother. What can you do is talk to her mother or try to teach your cousin sometimes so she can be discipline a little bit. However, I think this is hard to do since her mother didn't notice that she just too spoiled the kid.

Answer 10

Honestly, there is no obligation on your part to like all children... especially those who are rude and spoiled. Unfortunately here, this kid's your cousin so you have to pretend. If I were you and she was begging me for toys, I would just say no. Also, just because she's around doesn't mean you have to gush over her because that would only encourage her bad behavior and she already has her parents to do that.