My boyfriend occasionally goes 2 the strip club w/his buddies. They used 2 go ALOT, like every weekend but it has calmed down lately. He usually tells me (@ least that I know of) every time he goes. Also, on occasion he'll get a lap dance. I've gone 2 the club w/him a few times & the more I go the less I like him going w/o me, especially now that I know what types of things go on in there. Every time he does go 2 those types of places w/o me I do tell him how I feel about him going, but I've never tell him not 2 go just b/c of the type of person he is (doesn't like to be told what to do). I mean I do trust him & all, but I admit that theres that little voice inside of me thinkin "what if?", it's just that him going 2 those types of places really makes me uncomfortable, especially now that I've heard some girls will offer more than just a dance.
2007-11-24 17:30:55 · 4 answers · asked by yourstruly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
And everytime he does go & especially when he gets a dance, I just feel like I'm not enough for him & that really makes me sad. I tell him this everytime but he never seems 2 understand. I don't know if I'm just taking this too much out of proportion or if I'm right in thinkin this way...
2007-11-24 17:32:42 · update #1
I just don't get why he needs to be turned on by other girls when he already has me.
2007-11-24 17:36:24 · update #2
But you see, I do talk to him about it. That's what really bothers me. I don't know if he just doesn't understand what I'm saying to him or just doesn't care. That's why I'm always careful to not say that I don't want him to go because he's the type to do the opposite.
2007-11-24 17:39:14 · update #3
See that's my main problem. I've been w/him for about 2 1/2 years now and plan on marrying him. Everythings great w/our relationship, besides a few dissagreements here and there, it's just this one thing about the strip club and things related to stuff like this and just the attitude he has about it.
You know I'm very self-conscious as it is, and he knows this, but him going to places like that really doesn't help boost my self-esteem.
He really confuses me, one minute he'll show all this care for me and the next he acts like he couldn't care less.
2007-11-24 17:51:09 · update #4
Some guys just like to go places with their buddies. But the lap dance sounds like your b/f isn't that devoted to you. Because he does not seem to interested in changing, I guess you have to decide wether to accept him the way he is, or that you should move on.and look for someone a little more mature and respectful.
2007-11-24 17:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by jimanddottaylor 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He shouldn't be going to strip clubs if you guys are a couple. Even if you know what he's doing and it may not techically constitute as cheating, it is not a very loving gesture on his part by any means.
Plus, if he 'doesn't like being told what to do', than to me that would imply that he is controlling and that he is trying to control your relationship with him. It sounds like he doesn't want you to voice your opinion because if you do he fears that it will go against what he wants to do, even if what he's doing might not be good for him or you.
If I were you, I would leave him. Even if he doesn't actually have sex with those girls, the fact that he goes to those clubs in the first place is a HUGE indicator that he doesn't really care about you. He might tell you he loves you and act really friendly and loving when you guys are just hanging out, but I can assure you that there is nothing compassionate about practicly cheating on you with other women at strip clubs. I'm sorry but whether you trust the guy or not, the chances of him going to those kinds of places and being honest with you and more importantly LOYAL to you are very, very slim. You should leave him now before you really get your heart broken.
And if you do leave him, which you should, try and hook up with a more trustworthy guy in the future. I know there are a lot of jerks out there, but there are also an equal number of decent, friendly, loving guys like me who actually care about their girlfriends enough to resist lust and remain faithful to them because we love them.
Good luck.
2007-11-25 01:42:52 · answer #2 · answered by Michael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him about how you feel about it; don't suffer. My roommate tried to drag me to one for his 23rd birthday celebration; I refused and said it would be being unfaithful to my girlfriend (8 month relationship at that point; 11 months now). She was glad about my decision...
But back to your question; if trust is an issue, talk about it. If it makes you uncomfortable talk about it.
Pretty much...my advice is purely & simply talk to him about what you are feeling. If he cares, he'll listen & respect your wishes.
2007-11-25 01:36:17 · answer #3 · answered by Confused Student.... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, i think you shoudl trust him
but if you are stil not sure
you should talk to him
tell him that you are wondering why he's always going there when he has you
stand up for yourself
and maybe he wants to go with you but afraid you are going to think he's a bad guy and stuff
2007-11-25 01:40:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋