My son has a friend who likes to snuggle up to me and acts very gay. He likes to rough house with me when my oldest is there. I never am alone with him because he is not my son and there are always people who are quick to yell and accuse.
Well, over the Thanksgiving break he stayed the night several times with my oldest son and all three boys, my son, his friend and my youngest son would all sit next to me on the couch while we were watching movies. It has gotten cold so my son's friend (who is 11 going on 12) snuggled up to me and I put my arm around him like I do my son and my hand was on his thigh.
He is really a sweet kid and I don't know if I am being paranoid or what, was that inappropriate? Did I overstep my boundaries with him?
I don't want to do anything wrong. His father doesn't have much to do with him and his mom is remarried but his step-dad isn't very affectionate with him.
Clarification: The thigh (outer legg, not the inner legg)
FYI - I am bisexual myself.
2007-11-24 17:29:14 · 21 answers · asked by Tommy Thompson 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
As long as you weren't alone with him and haven't done anything that you wouldn't do with your own kids I don't see any reason why you should feel guilty about what you did... Your being bisexual should have nothing do with it unless you were engading in inappropriate activities with the child... if he doesn't seem to have a good "father figure" in his life than I think it's great you're trying to be there for him and give him someone to look up to... As long as his parents are comfortable with his being there with you than I see no reason why anything would be wrong
2007-11-24 17:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Snuggling with a young boy and putting your hand on any part of his thigh is definitely inappropriate. This is especially true if you are gay or bisexual yourself since in such a situation you may become subject to emotional/romantic feelings and, even worse may act on them. Then you have a problem which you will have a very hard time correcting.
2007-11-25 01:57:36 · answer #2 · answered by troymariner 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes proceed with caution, these situations have a tendancy to develop and evolve into situations you don't want to be a part of. Once you start showing any type of parent like emotions the child will become extremely attached. Once you stop these actions the child will feel abandoned and that is where the accusations start. That is where you find yourself in hot water. Just proceed with caution.
2007-11-25 05:02:37 · answer #3 · answered by Living In Fast Forward 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most boys in the US are raised to avoid physical contact with other boys or men. The boy is showing that he has been encouraged to touch men intimately. This is normal for monkeys, but not for the first-world human.
Our caveman ancestors slept with each other for warmth, picked fleas off each other, and touched each other constantly without fear of retrubution. When a man saw a woman he liked, he raped her. When a man had no women, he raped a weaker man. Our caveman ancestors had sex with each other early in life, often, and without constraint. This means that human instinct recognizes little difference between intimate touching and sex.
Only modern society has given us lines to place between sex and platonic touching. According to the rules of modern society, it is not okay to touch a young boy on the thigh, or in fact to hug him for too long, or touch any part of his body other than to administer first aid.
Both you and the boy are somehow unable to recognize the difference between accepted social touching and unnaccepted social touching. You need to reinforce these separations, or you will cause the boy the mental damage that comes from shunning, and allow yourself to reinforce in yourself behaviors that are socially unnacceptable.
Maybe it's not 'wrong' for you to touch the boy's thigh, or for the boy to snuggle up to you, or even for the two of you to engage in sexual intercourse. But society says that it is wrong, and both of you recognise that on some level. The only reason either of you do it is because some part of you thinks that it's ok. That part is wrong. Society is ALWAYS right.
By the way, I've been in similar situations. Small children are more like animals than grownups. I never want to stifle them, so if a child touches me innapropriately, I try not to make them feel bad, like they did something wrong. I've learned that the appropriate response is to gently move away, or gently push them away.
Tell the boy's guardians that his behavior has you worried that he has been sexually abused. He probably has.
2007-11-25 02:00:05 · answer #4 · answered by Shima42 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you did go over the line, and you should know that. As a bi-man you will and would be put up on charges over all most anything, and where would that leave your kids.
Being this young mans Father is not your place, or job. You can be a Adult in his life, but be a adult, not a bi-sexual man in his presents. If that is is lot in life, let him find that on his own and not with you. You are risking a lot for so little, think of your kids and keep your hands to yourself, and with another adult.
john
2007-11-25 01:35:57 · answer #5 · answered by John M 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
There is nothing wrong or sexual about this unless you make it that way. To me it sounds like this kid sees you as a father figure and a role model. Dont be so paranoid about what other ppl will think. If you and the impt ppl (your family and the family of that particulr child) know there is nothing inappropriate going on then there is absolutly nothing wrong with this.
Nudity and physical contact are only sexual when we make it that way. If you do not make these encounters sexual, I doubt he will. Therefore, no one is doing anything wrong.
2007-11-25 01:39:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like the kid needs affection from a father figure. Just treat him like your son & NEVER be alone with him just incase anyone says anything. He may also have a crush on you since you're nice to him or he may not know how to act towards older males. Just be nice to him, you may make a difference in his life for the good!
2007-11-25 01:37:44 · answer #7 · answered by captain snake 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well if I were you I'd completely avoid it even though from the sounds of it it was really innocent....but you never know what this kid may claim, etc., especially with you being bisexual. Just the way it is now a days....gotta be careful.
2007-11-25 01:32:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well just continue to not be alone with him and make sure you do not touch him!!!! tell him you are not his dad and that it is innapropreate for this sort of behaviour, he is old enough to be past that clingy cuddle stage and something is not right here. with you being bi then if aligations were made they will chew you up and spit you out in a prison when you have a court hearing for this, be careful and keep him away!!
2007-11-25 01:42:00 · answer #9 · answered by alexia's mommy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just be aware and play it safe.Nothing wrong with what you did.Sounds like he doesn't get this kind of male bonding at home.But just don't put yourself into a situation where things could be misconstrued.Especially since you are bi.Prolly better to involve him in family time but not any contact again.
2007-11-25 01:36:35 · answer #10 · answered by bayougirl 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋