help with family matters?

Question

So...
here's the deal: I feel like my family's slowly being ripped apart by lots of things, and it's the whole family (relatives too) that are affected. my uncle just died a couple years ago, but it's still pretty fresh for everyone, a cousin is in iraq, working in a high-danger-level job and another cousin is leaving for iraq in couple months to be over there for a year (this one has a preschoolage kid), and the rest of the family is pretty much divided over what would be best for a grandparent. she is quite elderly and starting to forget things. a lot. at thanksgiving i found out that she doesn't know who one of her daughters is anymore (my mom), and im 99.99% sure she doesn't know who i am or my sister or dad.

everyone is really stressed out and there are so many taboo subjects at meals like thanksgiving that it's hard to have a conversation without at least *some* awkward moment. i also feel a bit jipped because all my cousins are at least 10 years older than me (cont. below)

and they know ALL the details about what's going on with grandma and such. my mom won't let me in on this because she wants me to remain "innocent" of political double-crossings and such.

i want to help her at these times, but i don't know how to when i don't even have the full picture! i mean, i feel like im starting to be a stranger to my own family. sorry for venting all this and such!!

anyway, i have a feeling that my grandma's not going to last much longer;her health has been gradually worsening for a while now, and i want to help my mom and family, but i don't know how. literally half of the family was gone at thanksgiving because they got in a huge fight with the rest of them. i want to know what is going on, but this is a huge taboo in our house right now. i don't want to seem pushy or anything, i am just really frustrated with the situation and i think everyone is.
about every 2 weeks or so, my mom goes to visit her (we live like 400 mi away from the rest of the family)

and it kind of upsets the balance in our house for a bit.

i know that by all means my problems are not at the top of many people's lists, and in retrospect it really does feel like i'm ...what is it...making a mountain out of a mole hill? lol, but i think i just needed to get this out, since i can't really do it at home. i thank everyone for their perspectives or advice on this, thank you!!!

oh, i forgot....
another uncle injured his back and it will take up to a year to heal, and he's literally wasting away. he's at least a couple inches shorter than the last time i saw him and veryvery thin too. so everyone's worried about him too.
AHHHH.
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Answer 1

Well, your problems are indeed at the top of someone's list, and that is Christ's. He cares very much about what's going on in your family. He knows how left out you are feeling, and He knows how much you want to help them. I pray that you will trust Him with the things you cannot fix. Just talk to Jesus and ask Him to help you, and He will, because there is nothing too hard for Him! I will be praying for you and your entire family, that the peace and love of God heal the broken hearts, hurt feelings, and your grandma's health. God bless you!!!

Lovingly,
Virginia

Answer 2

Sounds like you're in the middle of the crossroads with no way out...It doesn't feel good when so many things are happening at one time. I can believe you even find it a chore to just "think".
In this world we all will have our opportunity to experience unpleasant events and even visits from the death angel. It's uncomfortable, but only our higher power knew these things would come your way and the outcome . If it's any comfort to you,I want to let you know that all these things will pass .You will be a stronger and wiser person more prepared to take on future challenges that come your way or to help others through their dark moments.

Take one day at a time and after you have done all you can do to help in all the situations, realize that nothing is in your control. I imagine it is very stressful if no one wants to touch the subjects. Emotions are real and should not be bottled up.Please be prayerful and I will pray for you as well.

Answer 3

There really is nothing you can do other than be the best person you can be. You can try to be the cheerleader.

You can write or e-mail your cousins in Iraq... try to keep their spirits up. They made their decisions as adults. You might be able to help with the babies.

Your grandma is at the airport... getting ready to leave physical life. When they lapse into senility and sleep all day like that, they are preparing their house on the other side. Again, nothing you can do about that. You might be able to take her some little individually-packaged cookie-treats at the facility. You can send her cards and letters to keep her amused.

Answer 4

You know, I understand your Mom wanting to keep the "not so nice" topics from you, as she loves you and does not want you to bear the burdens of the family.

However, it appears to me that you are very much aware of the "happenings" in your family. It also seems to me that you need to know the truth about your grandmother as this would bother any of us. You have such a wonderful and unique spirit for your family and I respect this. This is why I can see where you feel a little distanced from the family. Perhaps, you should talk with your Mom and let her know about your concerns and that the fact that you are growing up and desire to know truths!

I thank God you are a special person who desires your family to be peaceful. I want you to know that I will pray for you and for your family. I will raise up your Grandmother to the Lord as it sounds as though she can use my prayers. May God bless you all.
If you need to talk, e-mail me.
Gail

Answer 5

You're not making a mole hill into a mountain.
Be there for your Mom...do the best you can for your grandmother and Mom.
Reassure Mom that a "Professional" opinion is needed to elevate your grandmother's condition. Your family has had a lot to deal with....be kind and smart.

Answer 6

Your mom not telling you stuff is probably because she doesn't want to hurt you with it. And because she thinks you are too young to chime in.

Keep in mind that they probably envy you for not having to make these kinds of decisions yet.

If it is very hard for you, you whould remind them that it is bothering you too. Even if you don't get to hear the whole story first hand. Ask for help at school if you need to.

Hang in there.

Answer 7

HI I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY TWO SISTERS ND THE OTHER 1 IS THE YOUNGEST THE THING IS THAT SHE DOESNT RESPECT NONE OF US AND YESTERDAY SHE FOUGHT WITH MY ELDER SISTER AND MY MOM IS TAKING SIDES WITH THE YOUNGER 1 AT HOME AND SHE EVEN TELS US THAT WE DONT BELONG TO THE HOUSE WE ARE LEAVING IN AND IT THE YOUNGER 1 HOUSE SO I JST NEED HELP WITH THAT HOW CAN WE SOLVE THIS MATTER