Is it normal to hit/beat your own children?

Question

My Mom recently told me that my Aunt who is 71, used to hit and beat her 3 sons when they were children, throwing them against walls-pulling their hair,, she said her husband beat them as well with a belt. for not eating all their food on a plate, walking the wrong way, etc
My Mom also told me she kept a lock of the refridgerator so they coudlnt eat when they wanted, only when she opened the lock.
My Aunt has always verbally abused me, put me down, i never understood why..she recently cut my Mom off for going to Rome for Christmas instead of spending it at her house. so my Mom is explaining to me why shes a control freak, but my Mom said in her generation it was normal and common for parents to beat their kids up, is this true?

She also told me she encouraged my Mom to beat me up as a child, my Mom confessed to the only time she ever hit me as a direct influence by my Aunt.

Answer 1

No, it is not normal. Kids cannot help how they walk. They could be handicapped (autistic/Asperger's) and no beating will make them walk "normally" or become a different person.

What often causes such abuse is the fear of social disapproval. So the parents beat the kids to try to force them to conform to what they think society wants to keep from feeling embarassed. They don't trust society to make good calls on what is the child's fault and what is the parent's fault. Very often, abusers with handicapped or differently abled kids will feel guilty for the kid being that way, but they live in denial. So they try to force the child to *appear* non-handicapped (all for the selfish need of approval from others). Abusive parents may also be mentally ill or substance abusers.

If you are a proponent of spanking, it should be as a last resort. It should only be used for deliberately defiant acts. Not being hungry or interested in eating is not a defiant act. Being clumsy or not swinging your arms when you walk is not a defiant act. Never punish a kid for being a kid and just doing what is natural.

Don't punish them for handicaps either. In a discount department store, a mildly mentally challenged boy was told by his father to put on his coat. He could not put it on. The father grabbed him by the arm and threw him. A customer hauled off and punched that guy. The child abuser was sent to jail, the man defending the child was not.

As for careless or childish acts, they should use a non-violent punishment, particularly something practical. If they refuse to put away their toys, confiscate them. If the same toys are left out, sell or donate them. If they spill milk, give them a towel and ask them to clean the area. If they refuse, hit, or spit, then that would be time to consider it a rebellious act. If they make an effort and are having a hard time, help them, don't consider it defiance if they are struggling.

As for your aunt, I don't know what to do. Maybe take out a restraining order on her. If she verbally abuses you, a stun gun might make her stop, though not the way to handle this. Your mother had every right to decide to go to Rome. Your aunt has no concept of boundaries and doesn't believe in just letting people be themselves. I would love to say there is hope for her, but I doubt it at this age. Your aunt had no right to interfere in your own family. What she needs at this point is for everyone in the family to stand up to her and stop her from being a bully. A family intervention may be the only way to stop her harm.

Answer 2

Ok, first the person who's talking about the 70's and 80's being ancient history is obviously a little kid who doesn't know a thing. No, it has never been normal to beat children. Yes, through out time, people have been hitting other people, and yes they have been going to jail for it. Spanking or not spanking was as much an issue 40 years ago as it is today. Discipline was obviously meted out more frequently in the past I would say since YA! users can attest to the lack of self control most teens seem to have these days, but there is a difference between being beaten and being disciplined. What you are describing is child abuse, and though people 50 years ago were a little less open about their home lives, it was still illegal, and Auntie could have spent her Christmas' in lockup.

Answer 3

No it is not normal to beat your children. My grandmother is 70 and she got what she calls whippins but to brutalize any child is wrong. A spanking in some cases is an appropriate punishment "if it fits the crime" Alot of the children in today's society need a good spanking.

Answer 4

it's not normal to do that
parents that abuse their children by pulling hair or throwing
them against walls should have their children taken away
from them and they should be put in jail

a quick spanking or one swift hit with a belt (no other
place besides their butt )for doing
something wrong (that's reasonable, not for just walking
the wrong way, something like acting up in a store or hitting
other children )
only then is it remotely an "okay" to hit a child

Answer 5

It is not normal, or right, for any adult to hit or beat a child. Verbal abuse, is just as bad as physical abuse, it just hurts in different ways. Your mother is right, she is a control freak, and more.. likely she had a miserable life, and will never change.

My mother is of her generation, and we never suffered that kind of abuse in our family, and as far as I know, none of my friend's families were like that either.

If you have children, I'd not leave them alone, with your aunt or uncle.

Answer 6

Spanking is normal, your aunt is abusive, clear and simple! There is nothing at all normal about her, and I wouldn't have anything else to do with her if she refused to get any help and change her ways! Btw, it was not "normal" for people to do the things you described in any generation, your mom thought it was normal because she grew up in it, so that's what she expected.

Answer 7

My mom beats me up with a belt and pushes me to the ground and slaps me. But very, very rarely. Only when I really deserve it.

Answer 8

in their day they didn't realise that children grew up? it doesn't say how old you are but you are wise enough to make your own decisions on your kids. I prefer to be honest friends with mine. sweetheart, treat everyone how you would like to be treated? cant go far wrong? go find a mummy from another tummy 2 mentally kick ANYONE down who hurts YOU. BIG KISS.

Answer 9

Spanking a child, or "scolding" a child who's being disruptive in public (or what ever) is one thing, but what you're describing is clearly abuse. Not OK.

Answer 10

Honestly, any kind of abuse, whether physical or verbal, is dangerous and depending on the severity, is unlawful.
You're supposed to nuture and care for your children-- not torment them.