I am so worried for my sister. My sister is smart, beautiful and successful. She has it all going on. Shes been seeing this guy for several months now, and she pays for everything they do, cause he has no money. He works for some car detailer, but has been divorced and moved back in with his folks. Anyway, he has said " I never wanna grow up." (He is 34 years old and has a kid by his ex wife.). Over the Thanksgiving holiday, he has spent the past two nights at me and my family's house. But last night when my sis brought them back home, they got into an argument and he spit in her face on our front porch. Now when this happened, she yelled for my step dad and he came out to see what was wrong. Then this guy didn't even apologize etc. My step dad sent him back to his family in a cab. I told sis to dump him, as this can later lead to violence etc. But, today, she told me she didn't. What can I do if anything? I could write tons of stuff about him, but I am scared. What can I do?
2007-11-24 13:43:54 · 10 answers · asked by perfumeholic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
show er what else is out there if she see she can get better she will dump that loser
2007-11-24 14:03:36 · answer #1 · answered by lilly87dreamer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sister thinks she can "fix" him, she is wasting her time... it can't be done. If they don't think they have problems, they can't be fixed. If he is still living with his parents at age 34, he is a loooooser!
He has just demonstrated the problem-solving capacity of a 2 year old. He is playing victim and he is a USER. Yes, he probably has the capacity for violence. It would be interesting if your sister could find a phone number for his ex to see what all stunts he pulled on her... perhaps sneak a look through his cell phone.
The other possibility would be to have a private eye do a background check for his credit, arrest record and all that other stuff.
About all you can do is hand her my standard little speech about evaluating your relationships:
"There are FRIENDS and there are ACQUAINTANCES... even within family groups.
"Acquaintances only call you when they want something... bring a present to a birthday party, or come when they call. These people are "users" at best. They typically don't care about you or anything going on in your life. You always wonder where you stand with these people until you put 2 + 2 together.
"Friends are different. They are there for you, usually share common interests, offer a shoulder to cry on, cheer you on, and want the best for you.
"At some point, you need to evaluate each relationship and ask, "What does this person bring to the table?" Is this person a mooch? A user? A manipulator? A drama-queen? A time-waster? Or is this person your cheering section? Provide insight? Make you laugh?
"As you go down the list of traits and how each thing makes you feel, you will know who you should be spending more time with."
Good luck.
2007-11-24 22:13:07 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your mom say? If anyone should have influence on her it would be your mother. I can't believe what you wrote about him. Not only is he immature but also psychotic and should not be around people.
There is nothing you personally can do even though you feel like you should help. Perhaps your sister spent so much time becoming successful she didn't have time to "play" and he is an outlet for her. That is still no excuse to accept his behavior.
Talk to your mom and step-dad. Hear what they have to say. Maybe an intervention will help.
I understand how you feel, though. That is an awful relationship. Good luck to you...
2007-11-24 22:15:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hardest thing for a family member is to allow to let others make their own mistakes and live in it. You have no control over her, just give advice. Be there for her when she needs you. She is emotionally attached in a bad way to this guy, and figures that she cannot get anyone better, which is a lie. Just try to build up her self esteem, without putting her down. She will pull away if you saw bad things about her and her boyfriend. I know it will all work out, she will get sick and tired of taking care of him, it may take time though. I use to be in abusive relationships and it takes time to get out and heal and even then we can fall back into the same mess again.
2007-11-24 21:52:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
To me it seems like he's just some poor guys leeching off your family. Just tell you sister (have some people to be with her) to go to him in a crowded area and have her cellphone dialed to 911 but don't call. After that she could break up with him ,because this guy seems very violent and i don't want anyone to get hurt, thats why you would have the cellphone on 911. for your own protection if he comes around your house have a phone in hand!
2007-11-24 21:52:50 · answer #5 · answered by Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that is scary, U need 2 tell your sister that u love her and your scared for her. I'm sorry I was not much help I don't know what 2 say other then someone needs 2 spit in his face.
2007-11-24 21:50:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, your sister has to be the one to reach that breaking point. The only thing you can really do is continue to point out the disgusting things that her so-called boyfriend does.
He's a pig and pretty soon your sister will realize that this relationship is destined for failure.
Just continue to be there for her because she will need it when it all comes crumbling down.
2007-11-24 21:51:34 · answer #7 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry, but you just can't make a person stop loving another person, your sis is an adult, and is smart, and old enough to make choices, just talk about it with her, tell her what you think of their relationship and how you think that it's unhealthy.
2007-11-24 21:50:25 · answer #8 · answered by Bryan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your sister by herself and ask her "what would she do if you were dating an a** hole like him "? Tell her to kick him to the curb as hard and fast as she can and don't look back.
2007-11-24 22:56:00 · answer #9 · answered by kbgrace 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your sister doesnt want him to hurt her even more so she doesnt want to upset him more than the time he spat in her face. but if she stays with him shes going to get hurt more and more then if she gets it over with. im sorry but theres nothing that you can do....its all up to her.
2007-11-24 22:00:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋