Tools 2......funny ?

Question

Tools and their real uses.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar
that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite
the handle.





TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth.
Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine
vitamin, " which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health
benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about
the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first
few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name
is somewhat misleading.


PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum
seals under lids And for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing
oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip
out Phillips screw heads. Women excel at using this tool.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes
used to convert the common slotted screws into non-removable
screws.


AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in
a coal-burning Power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed
air that travels by hose to a Chicago pneumatic impact wrench that grips
rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ag o by someone at Ford,
and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug
nuts.


PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that
clip or Bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent
part.


HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.


HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is Used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive
parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Women primarily use it to
make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the
contents of Cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works
particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records,
liquids in plastic bottles, collector




DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across
the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It
is also, most often, the next tool that you will need

Answer 1

hahhahahahahahahhahaha roflol!(rolling on floor laughing out loud!)star***

Answer 2

General Questions 1. Do you like Tool, dislike Tool, or indifferent? - Love Tool, my favourite band 2. What first drew you to Tool? Or, what makes you cover up your ears and sing "lalalalalala" when you hear Tool? - Liking their music 3. How do you like your Tool? Angrier (Opiate, Undertow), Artsier (Lateralus, 10,000 Days), or both (Ænima) (feel free to disagree with my categorization) - Both 4. Favorite album opener? Any particular reason? - "The Grudge". No, it's just quality. 5. Favorite closing song? Reason? - "Third Eye". No, it's just quality. 6. Favorite title track? Reason? (for this question, consider Ænema the title track for Ænima) - "Lateralus" 7. Videos- like them, hate them? - "Schism" is good. The rest are crap. 8. Any side projects, guest appearances, etc that you like? - Only A Perfect Circle. Adam Jones on the new Isis album should be good though. 9. If you could pick one song for the purposes of introducing someone to Tool, what would it be? - "The Patient" 10. Favorite filler track? (filler, non-sensical, short, whatever you want to call it) - "Eon Blue Apocalypse" 11. Favorite album artwork? (not limited to cover art) - "Aenima" 12. Tool takes their sweet azz time releasing albums. Does this bother you? (4 and a half albums in 17 years) - No. I prefer waiting for a brilliant album rather than picking some songs from a load of bad albums. 13. Grab your crystal ball. Has Tool peaked, or is the best yet to come? - Yes, I don't think they can top what they've already released. I really hope I'm wrong.

Answer 3

Again, just wonderful. To those of us that use tools for a living, this is so true. I actually have a door in my shop that I keep my screwdrivers in. They got there one at a time, at a fast rate of speed, normally with an expletive or three, and the ones that buried themselves there now have the privelege of resting there untill needed!

Answer 4

Funny! 100!

Answer 5

LMAO BIG TIME. Have not laughed like that for ages.

Off to go and look at your Tools number 1 now (yeah, I know I should have started there)

Answer 6

Very true and funny too.

Answer 7

ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10

Answer 8

funny

Answer 9

very funny

Answer 10

lol,10,star,excellent work.