My ex and I brokeup about 2 months ago. Recently, I had a miscarriage throughout all the drama. I informed him throughout the complications of the pregnancy, in which he was hoping for good news. When I finally told him that I lost the baby, he just shut down and really didnt want to talk. Now he wont pick up the phone. It makes me angry that he doesnt have the consideration to check on me or his child. As of this day, I dont know if he cares and is just upset or he just doesnt care at all. You would think he would be trying to console me because Im dealing with it more in a personal way. I finally accepted what happend but I am sitll angry inside that I havent heard from him. Even his Mom called me!! My question is, I want to email him and tell him I am hurt by his actions. I still care about him but I am really hurt by his lack of concern. Id rather not speak to him on the phone, but sometimes my curiosity gets the best of me. So would an email justify? I have to say something.
2007-11-24 11:01:08 · 27 answers · asked by ♥ Alwayz..... 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I live in MD, he lives in LA..impossible to meet up...we broke up because i so focused on the baby and he was so average about it...i felt like i was doing his jobs and mines..
2007-11-24 11:21:49 · update #1
your right. he is a complete **** to not even care about you or your baby! yes! talk to him! you need to know why he is being like this! you need to have some answers. you can't just sit back and let him walk all over you with his lack of concern. Maybe a letter would be more appropriate as it is more personal. But honey, don't whatever you do try and get back together with him. You deserve so much better than this guy. He treats you like utter ****, and you don't need that in your life. But you do deserve to know why he is being like this. I hope it works out well for you
2007-11-24 11:07:46 · answer #1 · answered by Amy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to give him some time. This might be his way of dealing with the lost. Just because he won't talk to you right now doesn't mean he doesn't care. It's hard to console a person when you are hurting also. Yes, it's you who had the miscarriage, and I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean it hasn't affected him in a very personal way also. You were carrying the baby, but the baby was his also. Maybe once he has come around, you can both console each other.
2007-11-24 11:11:15 · answer #2 · answered by naughty_bbw_angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think taking the time to write an e-mail and honestly telling him what you went through, and how you felt, without putting anything on him, just explaining your feelings about the entire thing is the best. You can take your time and get it right. Don't send it. Go to bed, sleep, and do whatever it is you normally do during the day. Then sit down and re-read it. See if there's anything you feel you should change, and do a rewrite if required. If you have to rewrite it, then do the same thing, don't send it just yet, do the same thing and look at it the next day. If you are comfortable with it send it, and see if you get a response. If you do, then get together to talk about it over a cuppa coffee or tea, but whatever you do, don't go home with him! You already know he's insensitive and a jerk, don't repeat the mistake, just get whatever you needed off your chest, and leave.
2007-11-24 11:18:05 · answer #3 · answered by joerides 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are terrible at dealing with these things. I believe they think if they ignore it then it never happened. Which is not true. I almost had a miscarriage, the doctor said I was going to lose the baby. My ex didn't come over to console me either. I didn't end up losing it but still dealing with it on my own all through the night was horrible. Never forget it. I would just let it go and move on. He doesn't care and I know that pissssesss you off. Leave him alone and move on to better things.
2007-11-24 11:05:48 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he is trying to deal with losing the baby in his own way. Because you are directly associated with the loss of your child, he may be finding it hard to speak to you or hear from you, as it reminds him not only of your break up and losing you, but losing your baby too. If you feel you need to say something, then contact him, as keeping it inside will only cause it to come out in an uncontrolled outburst of bitterness and anger should you come in contact with your ex later on. Don't be accusing, or blame him, or try and make him feel guilty about his actions - you will never hear from him. Tell him you feel hurt that he was unable to be there to support you through the grieving process, but you understand why he was unable to be there for you - offering your understanding to his pain is the first step to getting him to talk. Ask him if the two of you can meet and have dinner to talk things over - you need to try and be understanding, not angry, as it sounds like your ex was simply too devastated over the loss of your child and you to be there for you. His actions do not sound malicious, just that he was unable to deal with both his pain and yours. Best of luck.
2007-11-24 11:16:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear what you are going through and you have my condolences.... I would email him. In an email you can get out more than you can in person or on the phone, you'll be able to get out things that you may forget to say over the phone or in person. It gives you time to get everything out, without his interuption and gives him time to think about what you have to say or are concerned about. At the end of your email I would invite him to lunch to talk about what you wrote and see how he really feels. ( that's if you guys didn't break up on bad terms) What you are experiencing, I couldn't imagine. I just had my daughter and can't think about the world without her. Regardless of the outcome, make sure you stay strong (easier said than done:)), but concentrate on you and your recovery. No one else can do it better than you! GoodLuck!
2007-11-24 11:12:03 · answer #6 · answered by chrisjj003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it time, this guy is acting like a jerk. Still, keep in mind that he is hurting, too. Not being considerate of your feelings is immature, but sometimes it just doesn't occur to guys to care about feelings. Wait a few months before you try to talk to him again, so its not like you're forcing him. This is a very hard situation you're dealing with. Good luck.
2007-11-24 11:26:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, i'm sorry for your loss, and i'm glad you've accepted it. I think you shouldn't talk about something like this over an e-mail, I think it's best to call him. I don't think he's feeling indifferent about this. You said it yourself, he was expecting good news and he got the worst possible. I think you should just give him a little bit of time to calm down, then you can go talk to him. Best of luck.
2007-11-24 11:16:22 · answer #8 · answered by silvia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never be afraid of sharing your feelings.
As long as you address the issue maturely, respect the person you are talking to and don't outwardly intrude on their life, you have every right to say what is on your mind.
Even if it only serves as a feather in their cap, the expression of your feelings is of utmost importance. It will put the issue to rest and help you move on. You are entitled to that.
Cheers and take care...
2007-11-24 11:08:19 · answer #9 · answered by wider scope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lost a child too. Maybe he just needs more time to deal with that before he can talk to you.
Also, you and he broke up before the miscarriage, so he doesn't really have an obligation to "console" you any longer anyway.
2007-11-24 11:05:19 · answer #10 · answered by looneybin90 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋