Just wondering the best way to handle someone you've been dating a few months who has walls up emotionally, from previous relationship failures. Give them space, let them lead the way? Or do you think they need more reassurance than the average person, more attention? Or is this kind of person maybe not even ready for a relationship all together? I've never dated anyone like this before so I'm quite confused! I'm 30 he's 34.
2007-11-24 09:23:49 · 10 answers · asked by Shera 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You should find there weaknesses good or abd and feed off of it and ttly make them become vounerable and they will fall right into your love trap!
2007-11-24 09:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by islandbreeze9hs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you're both still pretty young, but at the same time sweetie you're both at that age where you've been a certain way for a long time and maybe he's not ready to change. No this person shouldn't be in a relationship. Being careful is one thing, but as long as those walls are up you'll never be able to win his heart. So don't waste your time. There is someone out there for the both of you who will open up to you and love you the way you need to be love and you won't have to win their affection. Do you really want to wait for him? Even if you think that he's worth it, shouldn't he agree that you're worth letting the walls down for? Clearly if he still has them up, he doesn't. Some people are a certain way for a long time and because of past failures they put the walls up for protection. I was like that, but when I got with someone that I love they all came down. I wanted to let him in. I needed to let him. I wanted to be close with him. Intimate, and it was a lasting relationship, we just weren't meant to be. But from my point of view, what I did, was when I didn't think the person was worth letting the walls down for, I didn't let them in. And eventually they got tired of it. So just think of him the same way. Do you want somsone who has these problems? Or that person who doesn't? Make up your mind now, because it'll only hurt more later. Good luck sweetie!
2007-11-24 17:30:51 · answer #2 · answered by April 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well men put those walls up for reasons that he would probably not say.
Think of the possibilities: got his heart broken and took it pretty bad; doesn't ever want to get his heart broken and fears it; is afraid of love, and last he could be really shy.
Time would win eventually girl; everyone lets their guard down in the end. When he really starts falling for you he will be more open with you. Best of luck- have a little faith women lol.
2007-11-24 17:30:42 · answer #3 · answered by Luvon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm... well, I too have walls up emotionally. I don't know if reassurance or more attention would help. I would suggest giving him space and at the same time going on with your life. You could still see him from time to time, but don't be exclusive.
2007-11-24 17:39:56 · answer #4 · answered by musiclover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on the person. Why don't you try asking him what he needs?
If he needs more reassurance, give it to him, as long as you're telling the truth. Show him you're there for him.
If he needs space, I'm sure you'll know without him telling you. But you should talk to him about what you just asked on here. You'd be surprised, he might tell you. If you want him to open up, it's all about asking the right questions.
2007-11-24 17:29:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Reassurance, love compassion without smothering is always the way.
Honesty is the cure. Ask the other person what they want, what they feel comfortable with. At first they may clam up and be unable to answer but reassure them that they can feel safe with you and you will allow as much space as they need.
When people feel safe and understood they come out of their shells and often develop into someone quiet opposite to what you fist encountered.
GOOD LUCK!
2007-11-24 17:28:52 · answer #6 · answered by chixor 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's probably set in his ways especially at age 34, so I would give him plenty of space and play it by ear. Meanwhile, get on with your life as usual.
2007-11-24 17:28:30 · answer #7 · answered by peaches6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you can give him more time as well as space because thats what he proble need at this point and let him lead with the emotins i mean its ok to tell how you feel but dont push
2007-11-24 17:28:41 · answer #8 · answered by lala w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is still a brick wall several months into dating you, he's not going to change. Stop wasting your time, when he's ready to grow up and deal with whatever issues he has, maybe he'll seek you out.
The problem is his, you can't DO anything to change it.
2007-11-24 17:28:11 · answer #9 · answered by The Fleabag 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HANG IN THERE!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE THAT FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS I HAD TO TRUST HIM AND I WASN'T GOING TO BE USED IT WILL COME DOWN IN TIME AND YOU REALLY LOVE HIM YOU WILL STAY AROUND........
2007-11-24 17:32:47 · answer #10 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋