So why is there such dissension between the posters here?

Question

I noticed that there is a lot of tension here. Why is that? There seems to be very strong opionons about adopting, being adopted, losing a child to adoption.
I realize there are feelings involved, but personal experiences are nothing to attack, nor are they a reason to attack.

Anyone have a response?


Oh and I actually wanted some advice. We are foster parents, but we do not currently have a child placed with us. We were invited to attend a Holiday party for Foster families and foster children. Should we attend, even though we do not have a placement?

Answer 1

I honestly think there is only one bully who is managing to rile everyone up. If we all make a pact to ignore the name-calling and against-community-guidelines vitriol when she posts, maybe she'll go away and we can get back to civil discussion.

As for your second question, I agree with most of the other posters. It is in your best interest to go and meet everyone. And hopefully you can do your part to help make the party even more special for those children.

Answer 2

This is just a hot button issue for many people. Like many other political and social issues, there are strong feelings on both sides of the issue. Once those strong feelings take hold, it can be difficult to acknowledge that there are valid feelings that oppose yours. For example, could you imagine the dissension that would result if there was an abortion forum in this category?

I've been attacked for sharing my personal experience on here. I've received some scathing emails and dozens of thumbs down as well. I just try to keep an open mind and read each post. I disagree with some but I also learn from some of the other points of view. There are three adult adoptees in my extended family (including myself) and we have all had different feelings and experiences with our adoptions. Some of the people I disagree with have given me a lot to think about and I've seen some interesting websites and books suggested on here that I never would have thought to read. I wish we could keep things on a mature, rational, intellectual level but once you mix the strong emotions associated with adoption, you get some emotional responses. That's what makes us human.

For your question, I would definitely go to the party. It would never hurt to network and get to know the other foster families in your area. I imagine there are specific challenges that come with being foster parents and it would help to have friends with similar situations available for advice.

Answer 3

I don't know why all the animosity about adoption. I'm a birthmother and don't mind talking about adoption and my experience at all. If my insight helps someone else understand, esp. an adoptee who feels abandoned, I will happily share my thoughts, feelings, and reasons.

Re. the party... Go! You may not have any kids now, but it will help keep you in touch with other foster parents and, lord knows, we all can use all the help we can get raising kids.

Answer 4

People will be people. I'm a reunited birthmom, I only have my story to tell, I don't know about everyone else. I would like people to respect my views and I respect theirs. I don't think we know the ramifications of adoption yet. That is why yahoo answers is so great. You can read what you want and believe what you want. I think it's so sad that some people feel they need to attack some one for their views but that is the way of the world. I gave my daughter up in 1972 and found her in 2001. We have a friendship, but that is all. I was prepared for anything when I started to look. I'm lucky that she doesn't hate me. She had a good mom, but her life has been less than ideal, I am sorry for that.

As for the party, sure go, you were invited.

Answer 5

First yes go to the party. I think its absolutely wonderful that you are a foster parent. You need to network and support.

As far as attacking, I have not ever attacked anyone. I just let people know that there is dark side to adoption. I think adoptive parents need to know about it. I don't think adoption is completely bad. It just needs massive reform. Adoption today is about the industry itself. They prey on all of us living adoption. There is no way for a prospective adoptive parent to protect themselves and their prospective children. Adoption should be child centered not adoptive parent centered. Adult adoptees and their families should have access to their records. I don't even attack all adoption agencies just the ones under the NCFA umbrella. I attack Planned Parenthood, ACLU, and the right to life groups because they believe the hype of one adoption industry lobbyist.

Answer 6

Many of the people around her have been targeted for personal attacks at the hands of others. Most often these attacks are unwarranted and unfounded and stem from an intolerance of others who do not share the same views as the attackers. After being targeted myself I have become jaded about others, particularly those I do not know or know to use inflammatory language and tactics against others.

As for your second question I very much think you should attend. Not only is it a great way to make valuable new connections within the foster parent system but it will also be a great way to bond with some of the kids in the system. With the amount foster kids are moved around some of the children you meet could very well be placed with you in the future.

Happy Holidays!

Answer 7

mexirican: there is some hatred going back and forth between adoptors and adoptees. But that is because some of the adoptors here have been accusing all adoptees of being anti-adoption because 1. we think of our birth mother 2. we want to search for her 3. we seek open records 4. we think there needs to be better processes in place for the adoption industry so the best interest of the child takes place.
Now there are some who are anti-adoption but that does not describe us all,, expecially me. But i have been accused of being anti-adoption because of the 4 reasons i listed above even though I have always stated that I had a good adoption experince.

Answer 8

Yes, of course you should go. There is no reason that you should not go even if you don't have a child in your care. Maybe take a new wrapped toy for another foster child (If that is what is going on). People have different opinions and think theirs is the only one so they give a thumbs down. It is mostly ignorance on their part, or they are control freaks. I get thumbs down because I say what my brother in law went through as an adopted child. Why would someone give a thumbs down for what he felt? Not all adopted kids want to find their bio-parents (My BIL didn't). It really irritates me that people think that all adopted kids need to find their birth parents or need to feel that they are not a whole person because they were adopted. Not everyone feels that way.

Answer 9

I was accused of being an anti-adoption nazi because I expressed my disgust with unethical domestic infant adoption agencies for exploiting confused and frightened young women. Also, I believe that it is wrong to separate a mother and infant right after birth. I have attacked no one but I do report people who use YA to solicit young women for their babies. I also support open birth records and feel it is a violation of civil rights to deny someone their identity.

I think that the Holiday party sounds like a wonderful opportunity to meet other foster parents and hear first hand about the challenges and rewards of providing care for children who are in need of love and nurturing. Also, do it for the kids! If it is also a fundraiser, pitch in and help. It is a wonderful break from all of the holiday madness. My husband and I attend a Holiday party each year at a shelter for homeless teen-aged parents and homeless children. The children love it, and it helps to raise funds for the programs that support health and education services.

Answer 10

Yeah, there is a lot of tension. I thought that was weird too. I never realized so many people thought adoption is horrible and abortion is a better choice. It amazes me. I realize some adoptees have had it rough, but others are very happy with how they were raised. I don't think that it means the whole system is bad.

Anyway, to answer your question, I do think you should attend. You can talk with other couples and other families and learn more about the process and life as a foster parent.

Best wishes! It's a great thing to do. :)