my boyfriend's mother is always giving us stuff that she doesn't want. she claims that we need this stuff and she'll bring it over with the disclaimer "throw it away if you don't want it." i like his mom a lot, but this is getting old. for example, i have a 8 month son and she keeps raiding yard sales for him. this would be great if she got him stuff i could actually use, but she buys toys meant for 10 year olds and clothes for 8 year olds
i appreciate her trying to help, but sometimes i feel like she is treating our house as her personal storage/waste dump. i had to bite my tongue the other day when she came over and declared, "WOW! ya'll are really outgrowing this apartment." i wanted to say, "it's not the apartment, it's the 6 lamps you gave us last week!" my bf knows what she's doing but won't tell her. i don't want to be rude.
so, do i just keep giving her stuff away for her, or storing it in my limited space? or tell her politely? do you think it would hurt her feelings?
2007-11-24 08:21:21 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
it's not anything she buys. it's stuff she has collected over the years and doesn't want.
2007-11-24 08:29:45 · update #1
the sad thing is, i do go shopping with her, at her request, to show her what he needs. we eat lunch together and i talk to her a lot. it's so frustrating!
2007-11-24 08:40:54 · update #2
I think it's your boyfriends place to say something, especially if he feels the same way you do. However, if he is unwilling to do so, then you should speak up. Realize, though, that depending on what kind of personality she has/what kind of person she is, it may hurt her feelings and could potentially damage your relationship with her and with your boyfriend. I guess if she says 'Throw it away if you don't want it', then she shouldn't be too bothered when you say 'Don't even give it to me in the first place'. She can throw it out herself.
2007-11-24 12:34:25 · answer #1 · answered by mcq316 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's attempting to be helpful and there's no easy way around it. However if you invite her over for lunch and ask her to tell her stories about she felt as a young mother then you can bond with her. She's making an effort and she's not entirely sure what to do, so she overcompensates by giving you 6 lamps. Talk to her openly and honestly about her feelings and you may find you are surprised. Also a good thing would be to go shopping for the baby with her, that way you can guide her with "but he won't be able to use that for years..." Above all else be kind.
2007-11-24 16:35:53 · answer #2 · answered by lacey 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you appreciate her thinking of you but that your house is getting too cluttered. While you know she said to just throw the stuff out you don't need, tell her that you have a problem throwing things away and would prefer it if she would donate some of her wonderful finds to a homeless shelter, charity, etc. To make her feel better, pick one thing that you could maybe use, like a white vase, and tell her to find one for you since she has such a great eye. Problem solved and no hurt feelings.
2007-11-24 16:29:04 · answer #3 · answered by Dug48 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You can always give the stuff to charity. Keep taking it and keep giving it away. No need to store it. She is being kind, which is a rare thing in most people, so you needn't say anything.
2007-11-24 17:13:49 · answer #4 · answered by jenesuispasunnombre 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she is telling you to give it away then she must mean it so don't feel guilty about that. But it must costing her a fortune have you tried telling her that she should save her money and buy herself something nice instead.
2007-11-24 16:26:51 · answer #5 · answered by *♥* donna *♥* 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i think you should just openly talk to her about it and not hide your feelings.Its better to just talk to her politely about it rather than just going along with it knowing you hate it...
2007-11-24 16:25:43 · answer #6 · answered by Jasmin978 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋