What do you think of parents who stay together for the kids...?

Question

What do you think about parents who hate one another, yet stay together for the kids?

The same parents who are constantly arguing and bickering amongst one another in front of their children instead of getting divorced?

Answer 1

I think they're making things worse for everyone. Better to get a divorce than continue the way it is. I wish my parents had separated years before they did. My sister has said that to me before too. It was so much better after they separated. Things were harder with money and the like, but there was no more fighting. We weren't forced to wake up at 3 am to them screaming at each other. We weren't forced to wake up at 4 am to my mothers exhusband bringing my father home because he'd found him passed out in a field somewhere.

Do you know how my sister found out there was no Santa Clause? My parents were fighting about it one night and my father was so drunk he didn't know up from down.

Divorce is better. Infinately better. parents who think otherwise are simply torturing everyone around them.

Edit: Wow, look at all the nuts who think that torture is better than divorce. And you call yourselves moral people? There's something really twisted with your kind of thinking.

Answer 2

I think they don't realize what they really put the family through. My parents are like that, they almost divorced when I was 12 but stayed because of us. Then when the wars come, many times the children are expected to take sides. Occasionally my parents get along but more often than not they are at each others throats, even after 40 years of marriage. Both would have been much happier individuals if they had divorced when they explored the option.

Answer 3

Good question with many different responses.

They have to decide what to do. If they are staying together they then need to go further and get counseling and both work at it! If they believe they are doing what is best for the kids then they have to go and do the next best thing which is get along.

I know a couple that stayed together for the kids and they get along great. I actually admire them! Both had been cheating previously and probably could have gotten divorced - religiously speaking - but they worked it out and decided what was best for the children. But they truly have a mature way of handling their issues and they are both deeply religious. And you know what? Through it all God is growing their love. I think it really does depend on the people and circumstance. Also, they both need to know they BOTH need to "work" for it to work.

Answer 4

It's a bad idea. It teaches the children the wrong examples of what a relationship is all about. My wife's parents are devout Catholics and were married for 36 years even though they hated each other after about the first 8 years together. Marriage, in this example, becomes a prison sentence instead of a union and tears apart not only the two partners, but also everyone they come in contact with.

Answer 5

I think most of the time they feel it's in the child's best interest to have married biological parents and don't want to put the kids through the seperation of mommy and daddy then have to deal with custody issues. I'm a mother, and although my husband and I never fight, it is harder than you think to decide on what to do, or what you would do in that situation.

However, parents that fight and argue all of the time infront of their children are doing more damage to the children and themselves by staying together. Children know when there's something wrong, and if there's a lot of tension in the house then it's going to effect the children a lot.

Answer 6

It all depends upon how bad their relationship is! For example, I've seen families put their feelings aside and to take care of their children because it was in their best interest. They weren't argueing all the time or fighting in front of the children, they just agreed to disagree. :) And that's how it should be, if your mature enough to stay together for the benefit of your children, it wouldn't make any sense for them to do so after the decision they made. If you can't control yourself around your children, all the good you have intended would be nulified. Now I've also seen two parents split maintaining a respectable friendship for their children. Children need stabilaty in their lives necessary for their character growth. So, it can go both ways, but whatever decision they make they have to be sure it's what they want to do, and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. The decision must be mutual, it takes two to tango! If the parents aren't in it together, I wouldn't reccomend it.

Answer 7

I find it selfish that parents who engage in quarrels and have a "finished marriage" stay together for the kids. Yes i know you feel that staying would help the kids and not hurt them, but at the same time you hurt the kids because of whatever actions go on with you still there. It would be best to separate and at least let the kids know why things are the way they turn out to be. just staying together for kids would be fake and creating a wound of hurt in the end as the kid when they find out later that their parents only stood together because of them, would make them feel hurt and lost because conflicts they would see throughout they would feel it was them who created the pain the family is going through.

Answer 8

I think that to some extent it's considerate because it shows that the parents arent only thinking of themselves but rather how it would effect the children, but at the same time I believe that it would only prolong the children's suffering. I think that a parent should try to save there relationship no matter how broken it is, and only consider splitting up as a last resort just because of the heart brake it can cause.

Answer 9

I am in that situation, however, my parents have decided to 'separate' from one another. What they have decided is to stay legally married until I become the age of 18. After this, they will get a divorce, sell the house, and my mother and I will move to the mainland. I believe that if they get a divorce now, my mother will not be financially stable enough to provide food and shelter for me. She basically is allowed by my father to have custody of me anyhow. I'm 16, and my father loves me, but he knows I really love my mother. He's a good man... just maybe not the best father.

All in all, divorce is a selfish act, but if it can't be helped, then it needs to be done. I do not think less of anyone, especially if they do things out of acts of kindness.

Answer 10

Honestly I don't think it is a good idea. I have a friend that is married to an asshole that she loves. She uses the excuse she is staying because of the kids.The truth is the kids are turning out just like him. They are violent and rude and if he had been less of an influence they would have been better off. Children learn by example. A bad enviroment is not what a child needs to grow up healthy. I think parents who use this excuse are thinking of theirselves. Happy parents raise happy children.