My fiance doesn't seem to have ever really loved me. He seems to be okay and happy about moving back home to his parents. He doesn't seem to be in any pain because of our breakup. We got engaged last Christmas and now I'm going to be alone.I was a good woman. I cooked, cleaned and loved him with all my heart. I treated his son like my own, built a good bond with him.Although I felt he was totally spoiled. I wish I could take the pain that I'm feeling away. This was my first interracial relationship he's white,I'm black. His son is biracial.
I thought this was going to be the one.. I just can't stop crying...I'm afraid of being lonely again with my daughter..no hope for a family of my own...I feel so sad for us.
2007-11-24 05:10:49 · 30 answers · asked by Misslady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My dear girl, think about this for a moment. What would it be like if you had married him. Not very pleasant. To be honest with you, in spite of your engagement, he treated you as if you were married to him. YOU did all the work around the house and looked after his son.
Let him go girl! There is always someone else around the corner.
I would like to give you a hint. Be more leary next time, don't get engaged until you know that person inside and out AND you know his family. Sometimes how a person was brought up give you a red light, that switches on in your head and you wonder, but push it aside.
You sound like a good person and you have the choice to make your life better from this moment on. Do you have a dream? Write down what dreams you have and make a long list. Then one by one cross them out until you have one good dream left. Then go for it. What ever you have to do, more schooling, moving to another city etc. go for your dream. It would be better if you could become independent and be able to look after yourself before you get into another relationship, then you would not have to be beholding to anyone.
Racial relationships have nothing to do with this. You can get hurt with any relationship. The only difference in an interracial relationship is that sometimes the parents of either one, could object. I feel that although he has a biracial son, this could be the crux of the problem. In either case, you do not need to be in the middle of that kind of prejudice, so next time, meet the parents first and get to know them.
Being black I bet you have beauty and style, and I know that you can make something of your life without that man in your life.
Leave the past behind and start all over. It is never too late and you have learned a lot from this, havn't you.
Peace and love,
2007-11-24 05:25:21 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Once you've given your feelings some room to breathe, look at something to make you laugh. It probably won't work at first, but if you keep watching things--Monty Python, a sitcom, a trashy reality show--your mind will work off her. Don't try to repress anything, just understand that you've given the even its fifteen minutes, come to terms with the fact she's gone, she's not coming back, but you had some good times nonetheless, then release the grief back into the world. You don't need to keep the pain. You can keep the happiness you had, no matter how brief, and let the negativity go.
2016-04-05 06:36:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. I first want to say how sorry I am that you're feeling this way. Second, I've been where you are several times. I too am in an interracial relationship...I'm Italian he's African American...
Don't worry about the whys or blame yourself....better you know now than after the wedding, right? I had 2 children by 2 different guys before I met my husband...I couldn't understand why these guys, in long term relationships, would do this to me and my kids, but they did...and honestly, I'm sooooooooo thankful...I can't even imagine what my life would've been like with anyone other than my husband....
I gave up looking, started seeking God again, and God sent me the most wonderful man I've ever met...sometimes, I think I don't even deserve him. God has a plan for you and your daughter! Know that for sure...but you have to do your part....Forget trying to find a guy and move on....When you are ready, and he is, whoever "he may be, then you will meet and things will be better than you could ever imagine...They won't be perfect but they will love you unconditionally....
I will be praying for you....
It will be ok...trust me, I know...Just give it to God...let Him be your everything and everything else will work out...Heartaches take time...but they don't have to take forever! God Bless
Email me if you'd like to talk...Julie
2007-11-24 06:26:05 · answer #3 · answered by Julie S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aw, honey.
I hope he loved you at the beginning and that was the reason you two got together. Otherwise, I'm thinking you just really wanted someone, no matter who it was. It is very hard to find the perfect man, but I believe there is someone for everybody out there. Don't worry about it. It will take long for you to get over it if you ever do, but in the meantime just spend as much time with your child as possible. It can get your mind totally off of your ex. If this doesn't help, try therapy. And also, don't ever be afraid to date again. Just because one guy wasn't right, doesn't mean everyone isn't. Try dating when you feel you can, but remember, don't just start dating a random guy becase you are lonely. Make sure he is the right one before you two get semi-serious. Invite friends over. Have a party. have a girls night out. Go to dinner with your family. Go to the movies. Just do anything to keep yourself occupied and have fun doing it. If you ever need anymore help, go to someone you really trust, or someone who will delightfully accept you to cry on their shoulder.
Don't worry about it! You'll find someone perfect one day!
2007-11-24 05:19:52 · answer #4 · answered by Yasmine 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, My husband is white, and I'm black...girl, i kknow how you feel, I've been in that situation before. I know it feels like the edn of the world, but it's not, but while you're going through it that's what it feels like.
This is wht I did, bc thats happended to me before. Just pray to God with all those feelings and memories that you have inside of your hurt. With all the hurt and the pain that you're going through, just let it all out, and pray to God that it will NEVER happen to you again and that God will bless you with a guy that will Never leave you or treat you wrong!! I'm telling you thins is what I did, and my last relationship was with another whit guy and he did pretty much the same thing to me...I would actualluy say worse. He cheated on me in front of me....left with some blonde girl that was underage...and girl, words cant even BEGIN to describe how I felt and when I broke down it just felt literally like the end of the world. But what I'm telling you is true, you need to PRAY! For realz, bc what I just told you, I did it, and I got a man that I've been iwth for two years now, never has he hit me, if he's done something really wrong he'll make it up to me and buy me roses...although no person is perfect, you may find the right one and still go through some things with him. But true love is when you tough it out with someone, even when it seems like it's going to be over. Just remember that, an the next gentleman you get with, share it with him. You know what, email me if you want to talk, or you can just i.m. me .
2007-11-24 05:22:12 · answer #5 · answered by Aneres 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
never rely on a person to make you happy... people come and go... you need to learn to make it through life on your own... because not everyone is gonna agree with each other at all times... loneliness is hard but it's better to be alone than with the wrong person. I don't know what the reason for the break up was but if someone loves you they don't leave you... they stick by you... he's no one to make you feel this way.
2007-11-24 05:16:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, it happens to all of us in our lives and these one's hurt the most, but it takes time to get over it, some more than others, just try and think of what a better parent you will be than him because of him leaving you and that you could do a better job then him because you certainly seem it, you can do better than him just look for someone who won't be such a retard and leave you for nothing.
2007-11-24 05:50:52 · answer #7 · answered by Brandon 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it seems rough now but you have to stay focused on your daughter and your life and just take it as a life experience that will make you that much stronger of a woman. You will find somebody that makes you happy and that wants to be with you in the same way. Good luck and stay strong.
2007-11-24 05:16:39 · answer #8 · answered by Gypsy *.* 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Good thing you found out now before you spent years together building a life just to have it coming crashing down around you.
Time for you to start building your own life. Then, no body will have the power to tear it down!!
2007-11-24 05:38:16 · answer #9 · answered by All That Glitters isn't Gold 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
(((hugs))) I'm sorry to hear it. I think you should allow yourself a grievance period and then move on. Allow yourself a week or two to cry at everything you see....be heartbroken....hate men....whatever. But then, you must gather yourself together for you and your daughter's sake and say...ok I have grieved over my loss, I am an intelligent and kind hearted woman and I deserve the best. I will find that for myself and set a great example for my child. Good luck sweetie....there's nothing worse than a heartache.
2007-11-24 05:17:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋