MY mother-in-law to be..'the pepperami' (on account of her being old , skinny and bad-tempered) is coming for Christmas dinner...
She refuses to each anything I prepare - even when I forward a menu for approval - and will basically spend the five hours looking for an opportunity to ***** me.
I adore my partner's father, who makes every effort to have a good time, but I am facing (for the 5th time) a miserable Christmas dinner thay I'm going to be sweating blood over.
How can I best handle this so there is the minimum of upset? - everyone is aware of her behaviour and she's already made it clear that she doesn't want to come this year even though her husband has accepted...
I love my fiance dearly and want to make every effort for him...what would you do?
2007-11-24 04:53:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi Sheloves... thanks for bringing this up.
Sadly my partners parents are well into their 80's ...although he has suffered his whole life in silence as he was adopted and any critisism would be seen as ingratitude.
I'd hate to embaress his pop and so would he.
2007-11-24 05:03:20 · update #1
EGR = Extra Grace Required
2007-11-24 05:18:03 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
If she has made it clear she doesn't want to come, then just have her husband come!
If he won't come with her, then that's a little sad, coz he sounds lovely!
Just remember, don't take it personally, no female is ever going to be any good for her son, and this is the only way she can express it, sadly by being horrible to you.
Also, have you ever thought she might be very jealous of you?
I also, think your fiancee could have bit more of a backbone here. Unless he's frightened of his mother, then he should tell her to behave in your home - or stay away.
I can't believe that you forward a menu for her 'approval' !!
OMG!!!! She should think herself lucky that she's received an invite and should eat what's been put in front of her!!
She's just a sad old bint.
Pepperami - I love it - that paints a good picture of her!!
Anyway, the best of luck, and I hope this helps!!
2007-11-24 05:06:16 · answer #2 · answered by Moofie's Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is you "partner" aware of how much she upsets you??? If not it is time you informed him that she really has upset you in the past, and you have about reached your limit with her complaining and attitude.!
See what his reaction is. Tell him to either talk with her or the first time she attacks you that you intend to say something yourself, because you work hard to see that everyone has a good time and lovely food; and you are tired of being her whipping girl. If she cannot be polite then tell her to be quiet.
And if she does her normal routine, tell her you will be happy to get someone to go to McDonald's a pick her up something since she obviously is unhappy with the food you have spend days preparing. There is absolutely no reason for you to be the only person miserable.
Now remember I am divorced and there is a reason that I am divorced. ha!
2007-11-24 05:04:23 · answer #3 · answered by Lyn B 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't judge her for being old and skinny. Be nice to Mrs. Scrooge. Say a few polite things like thanking her for coming over and avoid much contact with her. Eventually you will have to fix this, so you might ask her for suggestions like what to make and how to make it. You can also talk about your fiance. You can mention something you admire about him and thank both of them by first name for doing such a fine job of teaching him how to manage money, believe in God and go to church on Sunday, be such a gentleman to you, be health conscious, keep such a clean apartment, cook so delicously, have excellent personal hygiene, or whatever. You might want to rehearse what to say so you don't imply sex that will upset or shock her, like saying "he is so neat and tidy always making the bed after we get up ..." These compliments can be immediately to set the stage in a phone conversation asking for Christmas dinner suggestions or public at the dinner table where you will have witnesses who can discuss the situation with the two of you afterwards.
2007-11-24 05:11:27 · answer #4 · answered by Frank 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing is change your attitude. You are making yourself miserable over nothing. Be as nice and kind to her as you can possibly be and put on a happy face. Be happy that your boyfriend and his Dad are there and appreciate your efforts. Make the day extra special and remember that it is only one day a year.
2007-11-24 05:06:15 · answer #5 · answered by sunny 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to "kill her with kindness"---in other words, respond to her nastiness with all the grace you can muster.
If you rise to her baiting, that will make her happy, but if you ignore her petty comments, she might eventually back off from them.
Good luck to you, and good for you that you love him so much that you will put yourself through it. Just clench your teeth, and keep smiling!
2007-11-24 04:59:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she has dementia. I know it's difficult, but just treat her the way you would want people to treat your mother. Sometimes elderly folks have a medical condition that affects their behavior, and they can't help it. She wont be around forever, and you don't want to have any regrets by feeding into the negativity.
2007-11-24 05:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by hilary duff 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
okay i think if ur reallly pissed at her oone day your going to blow up at herr. tell ur fiance to talk to her tell peppermaies husbandd to talk to her.maybe shes gunna miss her son or something id hate to tell u but u have to tell her somewayy
gooood look and have a GREEAAAt xmass.
2007-11-24 05:21:31 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
geesh, Louise - purchase one of those portable/hotel size refrigerators and tell her to bring her OWN food and store it until dinner time there - she can "nuke" it in your microwave and eat what she wants- (she sounds like a *****)!!!
2007-11-24 05:02:13 · answer #9 · answered by Andra J 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just go out with outher people
2007-11-24 05:14:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋