I have a problem with keeping my mouth shut when my dad, uncle, mom, etc. say and do rediculous things. Dad and I have gotten into many confrontations over my insolent tone of voice.
I'm 34, and I've concluded that it is not possible for me to refrain from remarking in opposition to an elder relation. I've tried very hard to let things pass, but it's against my nature to watch wrong things happen before my eyes! I become moved to intervene out of desire to help. It's always met with anger, however.
In every other way, I am very respectful and go out of my way to show love and support to friends and family.
Any tips on restraint?
2007-11-24 04:12:49 · 11 answers · asked by urbanavatar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'd like to add that I have no desire to become astranged from my beloved family. I love them and enjoy them very much. But I am the blacksheep, my life has been the antithesis of family "tradition." Being vocal has been a strength in my life and has afforded me much success. My dilemma has nothing to do with maturity -it is a hair trigger situation.
2007-11-24 04:32:05 · update #1
Respecting elders means listening to their feelings,not their voice. They come from their misbeliefs about themselves,especially feeling over protective towards situations in your life they feel you might get hurt,because they were hurt and had nobody to guide them.Cant blame them. However calm down and retrospect your feelings...Dont be afraid of listening. Next time they loose it too much,just hug them and tell them,you love them and wont do anything to hurt yourself or them and they will see you in a different light. God bless you.
2007-11-24 06:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Flying Kites is an art.You have 2 people and only one is a winner.when one gets under the other kite string does not mean he is going to win .
So when you get under you have to pull rapidly that makes the kite go up bearing the weight of the other kite string and you could cut the other string Which make you a winner .
or
If you are over the other string you have to let go the wheel so rapidly that you kite tend to stay up in the wind current but travel further which due to friction the string is cut. which can make you a winner.
My point is age and men and old style are some think which is out dated but with due respect to you dad.
I can suggest one is agreeing to you dad first and then suggesting .
Use the 3 F's
feel,felt, found. These are amazing words
I know how you FEEL , I FELT the same way but I FOUND out that This works better.Do not show anger , Will get you no where , You being brought up under this environment, Your first inpulse will be attack he is wrong .Which you have to change 1st.
Another example is the oyster when a sand get in the shell it does not know what to do with the grain of sand so it throw fluid on to the grain of sand which makes the pearl, which is beautiful. make like meaning ful it is short .Certain thinks learn to ignore.its call bite the tongue.Are you the one who thinks I am right always . No humanbeing is right always.
2007-11-24 04:56:06 · answer #2 · answered by talarknhansum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are talking as if there is no alternative but for them to put up with whatever you are dishing out.
You can still have a relationship with them, but there is something you have to do.
You say that "is against your nature", Sorry but that is just an excuse to continue in your same old way.
Everybody can chance, for the better, if they choose, to but you sound as if really don't want to.
If you want to have a relationship here, YOU have to change your attitude. There may be somethings that upset you, but it is only your interpretation of what ever may be going on. You get angry - the wrong thing to do in any situation. You get moved to intervene - again wrong. If you "get moved" to intervene it is because of what is going on in your head at that moment.
Your intrepretation of what is going on. You feel you know what is right for them and so you tell them.
I know somebody exactly like you. I love them very much but over the years I have studied as to why this person never changes, and always feels she is "helping". After reading and comparing after many years this is the conclusion I have come to.
This person wants to always be in control. Because of her childhood something in her felt that she needed to take control of her own life and others. Her actual words, at all times, when she is "telling people" what to do i.e.(giving directions in a car when both have been driving the same route for years) the other person tells her "I know this route as well as you why are you telling me which way to go".
With regard to any action her answer is always the same "I was only trying to help."
You dear girl have a problem of control, you want to be the one that has the answer to everything and if the other person won't listen to you, you get angry and upset and tell them "I only wanted to help."
Keep being respectful and take the control issue out of the picture. What you may see as wrong, really has got nothing to do with you. You are not right all the time and they feel you are interfering. So ------don't interfere.
2007-11-24 05:08:52 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure. Leave. You are an adult woman, but if you know that your family behaves in a certain way and they will never change, don't make this your hill to die on. Pick your battles, and since you know that will never be a battle that you will win (Because they obviously do not see eye to eye with you) just don't get involved, and leave the situation for a little bit. If it is something you cannot change, and no one is getting physically abused ot abused in some other way, just stay out of it and don't add to the melee.
2007-11-24 04:19:07 · answer #4 · answered by The Nag 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you know ahead of time how the siutation will show itsself and the outcome, then agree ahead of time to compromise about tough topics! Thats from a therapy doc I recently heard and it sounds good. My take is that when people are too much alike in the family they butt heads. Grandma told me that, and I think its true and it puts a humorous spin on things, especially since they never get it, but its clear to others.
2007-11-24 04:20:57 · answer #5 · answered by kim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are your parents and uncle? I hate to jump to conclusions, but it might be a medical issue.
That aside, you're 34 years old, and you deserve to be treated as an adult. This is often the hardest change that parents can make -- the realization their little boy/girl is now an adult.
2007-11-24 04:16:57 · answer #6 · answered by The Oracle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it means respect people who are older AND wiser. Manson was a f-u-c-k-i-n-g fruit loop. Clearly if you are on here asking should you respect charles manson you are not a very wise person. Try thinking outside the book of dribble for yourself, you might find it a refreshing experience.
2016-05-25 05:13:19 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong in Life.
It is should or should not in real life.
In your case, you should just listen and not to voice your own opinion.
Right or Wrong is decided by the jury.
2007-11-24 04:17:00 · answer #8 · answered by simck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just listen to them carefully and learn from their experiences. and use you brain and ask them if somethin wrong with your thinking. do the way every body agree. if not you are your own boss.
2007-11-24 04:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you are 34, act like it. You are not always right and they are not always wrong.
2007-11-24 04:16:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋