Does marriage really change things?

Question

Not really an R&S question, but I value you guys' opinions.

I've been with my fiance for 7 years. We have a daughter who is almost 5, we've been living together since right before she was born, and a new son due to make his first appearance in February. We have finally decided to tie the knot and our wedding will be in May.

Everyone says that getting married changes things, and I was wondering if anyone had been in a very long term relationship beforehand experienced this, or is it just a big change for those who have been in shorter relationships?

We've always known since we were 13 years old that we wanted to be together forever. But after I got pregnant and we had a child to raise, we focused on her instead. We have just recently decided, now that we can afford to have our kids AND a nice wedding, that its time to make an official record of our commitment.

Answer 1

First of all - congrats on the new little guy that is coming into your life - I bet your daughter is thrilled to be a big sis.

I think marriage does change everything, but not to the extent that children do - you'll probably see that being committed to raising your children together brought as much stability to your relationship as the ceremony will.

Hope you have a wonderful wedding day.

Answer 2

For all intensive purposes, you have been married as long as you have been living together. The only thing missing was the ceremony. The big question is Do you really want to be with him forever? Why have you had two children with him when you didn't know if he was the One? Children bind you together for life, whether or not you break up. My parents' children are all grown up, but they still have to interact in a civilized manner around the kids and grand-kids (my folks are divorced). If you have been living together and sharing a bed, you have already been living as man and wife, so the ceremony would be a reaffirmation of the status quo. Be on guard, though; for one reason or another, people who live together before they marry have shorter marriages than those who don't move in until after the wedding. Just know that, for your kids' sake, you have to work very hard (and he has to work even harder) to make this relationship work. Just being married isn't enough to make a family; you have to love each other. You have to respect him, and he has to love you and protect you, even if it means his death. My grandfather, who had nine kids, said that the best thing a man can do for his kids is love his wife.

Answer 3

Dear маŗϊşşа:

Do you want The Bottom Line Here?

Here is how Common Law
& a Marriage Contract is:

You are NOW in a LEGAL Relationship!
Marriage is merely forming a
Partnership! You are Biz Associates!
This is NOT "Disney-Love"!

Do you have a Pre-Nup to protect
your assets?

Most Laws are written to protect
Females & Children. There is NO
Real Benefit for MEN To Marry
& sign the Contract!

A signed contract takes the relationship from a "Disney-Life" to a LEGAL
Reality. Women have the upper-hand!

So YES!
A Common Law 7 yr. Relationship
& a Marriage/Business Contract
CHANGES Things! (LEGALLY~
to the detriment of MEN!)

Answer 4

Yes, it does, depending on what is in the heart and how each person responds to God.

Marriage, when it is a sacrament, is a means of grace. What that translates to is you will get from it what you put into it. If you work hard and respond to your vocation, God will give you the grace to have a good marriage and the tools you need to be a better person.

But if you marry and make vows and care nothing about them, you will not have much of a marriage. A sacrament is like a garden. You will reap from it what you sow. God gives marriage a GREAT capacity for being a happy and fruitful relationship - but we must be good and willing gardeners to reap these benefits.

I hope you and your fiance decide to take this next step and ask God to bless your marriage and partake of all the grace that can flow from this sacrament.

Pax Vobiscum+

Answer 5

Marriage does change some persons, not others.

Marriage certainly changes legal aspects of everything.

Occasionally marriage may bring out a different type of personality in one or both of the partners which may be better or worse than the pre-marriage personalities.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Marriage does indeed change things. I was in a long-term relationship with my former husband before we were married - about 4 years. We did not have children together, but we cohabitated. Once we were married, it was as if he expected me to suddenly be the perfect wife - be a better housekeeper, focus less on my career, etc. (Perfect was in his mind's eye... there's no such thing, and wives can be great and have careers). It was like the fact that we made the vows in a church meant that I had to become something new and different than I had been before.
I am as much at fault. I assumed that once we married, and started tryiing for children, he would focus a little more on the family and a little less on his friends and partying. The opposite happened. Sad thing was, I didn't realize I expected the change until we were a year into our marriage.
Don't let that influence you. Do what is right for you. But go in with your eyes wide open. What is bad about the relationship will NOT get better, and what is good will likely fade some. Find common ground, and focus on it.
Blessed Be!

Answer 7

I wish you and your family the best, and I pray that your new angel arrives safely. Take care of yourself.

Many blessings to you.

Have a wonderful life!

Answer 8

I know it changes things!!!! It seems like it wouldn't being together so long. But its a sacred ordinance and very important. Not only to God but to all of you as a united family. I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!! I can't wait! You'll be so happy, I'm sure. Adjusts and all aside. Congratulations, on everything!!!!

Answer 9

Id say that the kid has brought you together more than say a married but childless couple.

You should still get married. congratz.

Answer 10

You've been together with a kid during this time, you might as well be! And if you broke up, don't you think the pain would be the same?