Is this punishment too harsh for my 14-year old daughter?

Question

Yesterday, my 14-year old sent me a text message, asking if she and her friend could trim my youngest daughter's (5 yrs) bangs. I texted back: TRIM only. DO NOT cut her hair.

Now, a little history, this summer she and her friend cut their own hair, my middle daughter's and youngest daughter's hair. Cut it SHORT. It has taken months for my middle daughter's hair to reach the top of her shoulders.

I came home, and my middle daughter (7 yrs) is in tears because they cut her hair and are calling her coconut head. I think it was supposed to be the short in the back, tapering longer to the face, but they cut WAY too much off. I'm going to have to take her somewhere for it to be fixed the best they can.

Anyway, I decided that for her punishment (the 14 year old), I was going to have her hair cut the exact same way.

My mother says too harsh? What do you think?

Answer 1

Awww.. I would not do that, but I think maybe take away what probably means the most to her right now and the would be her phone! Not to tell you how to parent, but I would have never text her to trim the hair either. I hope you come to a good conclusion.

Answer 2

A few thought provoking questions back before I answer...
Is this a discipline issue? or strictly a punishment? What can cutting her hair (the 14 yr old) in the same manner actually teach her? Will it really make her think about what she did? Is this an angry lashing out for her not listening to you? or, For not supervising the cut in the first place???

At this point there is nothing you can do for the youngest one (except for cleaning up the mess that was left by the teenager). How about supervising the next effort??? or better yet.... Since she has given in to this behavior before, she seems to have an interest for this business. Why don't you teach her that cutting hair in this manner and then making fun of is not the behavior you expect from a young woman. Follow-up this talk with either a hair styling/cosmetology class to learn how to do it correctly or If she is too young for the classes, get some private stylist to teach her the correct way.

Turn this into a positive thing and see where it could go.

Answer 3

Being 14 is hard enough without a dorky hair cut your Mom made you get as punishment. You should have told her to wait until you got home so you could supervise. These kids are 14, not beauty school graduates. What did you expect especially since they messed it up before? Not only that, how many of us have sat in the chair of a TRAINED stylist, told her "just a trim" and walk away with 5 inches gone? Do you go after the stylist with scissors and make HER look the same?

Now, I would definitely punish her for calling her little sister names when it's her fault little sis is a mess in the first place. Two weeks without her cell phone would be a good start. Maybe the so-called friend can't come over for that period of time too. Little Sis's hair will grow out, but the teasing will stay with her forever. She trusted her Big Sis to make her pretty and Big Sis not only screwed it up, but now she's calling her names! That's what you should really be angry about!

Answer 4

14 years is a very strange time in a girls life I would not recommend doing this to your daughter. She's what 8th or 9th grade??? Do you know how badly the kids at school will make fun of her?? You did give her permission so unless you are going to cut your hair like that too it seems a little unfair. She should be punished for making fun of the 7 year old,but she is not the only one to blame for the hair cut.

Keep in mind next time she asks what happened this time.
What kind of parent wants to humiliate their child. I would remove this question and NEVER mention your great idea for a punishment again. There are many other ways to punish your daughter without bringing your immaturity into play.

Answer 5

to be honest i think that you shouldn't have let her cut her hair even though you said trim only your daughter then thought that she could get away with it because you went easy on her. you trusted her and she didn't respect that, tell her that if she ever does anything like that again then she will have her hair cut off in the same way, so she knows how it feels. but try not to do it because she could get punished too much and i mean she could get bullied because of it. when i was younger a girl at my school had her hair Cut very short and even had part shaved. i was her friend but even though i defended her she got called all shorts of names and still does today! what she did was wrong and you should defanty punish her but i wouldn't cut her hair. I'm only advising you though so what you do now is up to you.
good luck. hope it works out.xx

Answer 6

Wow. I think that you need to dicipline your daughter in the way that you see fit and not worry about what anyone else thinks. This is not physical abuse, and I think that she will definatley not be making that same mistake again. However, as much as the 7 year old is going to suffer having a haircut like she does, the 14 year old will have even more problems because at that age it is even more so important to fit in. I think that maybe you should just get her hair cut super short...just so that it is proportionate but she learns her lesson. Or, you could try your hand at hairdressing on her then go get that fixed. I remember my mom giving me some doozies of haircuts when I was a kid, too. Good luck...:-)

Answer 7

Yes its very unfair. YOU are the parent and you let a 14 year old cut a 7 year olds hair, what were YOU thinking? That was very irresponsible of you, you should have said no. A 14 year old doesnt know how to cut hair and you should have known better than to say yes.

Do not cut your 14 year olds hair cut the same way, she didnt know what she was doing and you can't hold not being a professional hairstylist again her, especially at her age.

Again, you said yes in the first place, so this is your fault.

Take away her cell phone.
Take away tv time.
Take away internet time.
Do not take away her hair.

And Im guessing at her age she is going to protest this and most likely will tell the hair stylist why she was getting her haircut like that and Im betting the hairlstylist isnt going to cut her hair for you have fun finding someone to do and have fun getting your 14 year old to willing let someone cut her hair like that. I know I would tell and I wouldnt let that willingly happen.

Answer 8

Your daughter certainly needs to be punished. Did she intentionally cut her sister's hair too short? That was incredibly cruel of her if she did.
In the future, nobody should be cutting your children's hair (especially a girl's) other than an adult hairdresser. Why did you let your daughter cut her sister's hair after the first mishap, anyway?
While your daughter deserves a stern punishment, I don't think having her hair cut the same way would be appropriate. That's like parents who smack a child for hitting their sibling. Ground her (especially from the friend who participated in the extremely cruel prank) for a month. Also, if she's allowed to wear makeup, ground her from wearing it for the month, and only let her wear clothes that you pick out for her. Don't humiliate her by making her wear ridiculous things (keep the chicken suit from last Halloween in storage), but don't let her wear the "cute" clothes she probably loves. Plain shirts, basic jeans and regular sneakers should suffice, along with sweat suits that aren't "trendy." Trust me, taking away a 14 - year - old girl's cute outfits and makeup will be a huge punishment. It will only be a small taste of what your little girl got when she was given the bad haircut.

Answer 9

I can completely understand your frustration. I think I would probably want to do the same thing in that situation. I asked my nine year old daughter if she thought it was fair and she said absolutely. She and I both agree that your 14 year old needs to learn a lesson. I understand that you gave her permission but you said bangs only, so...not only did she disobey you she most likely gave her sister that hair cut on purpose. She sounds like she really has an interest in the cosmetology field and that is great...maybe she could practice on dolls hair instead of her sisters hair that way no one gets upset and she can fulfill that creative desire. I think your punishment is great because it fits the crime.

Mother of 2

Answer 10

im sorry but i think that the situation is absoloutly hilarious! But on the other hand i feel terrible for your 7 year old daughter, so i think the punishment would be suitting to show your 14 year old how it would feel to have ugly hair and be made fun of. UNLESS.... it actually was a big mistake and she was trying to fix it, and then it just gradually got shorter and shorter. Mistakes like that happen all the time, and if this is the case (you will be able to tell if your daughter is actually sorry) then i think you should let her off the hook this time, maybe just ground her from the computer for a week? little tip...NEVER LET YOUR 14 CUT YOUR OTHER DAUGHTERS HAIR * even if it is just a "trim" lol. best of luck! eva

Answer 11

It is too harsh, but I don't know how else your daughter will learn...this is a hard one.
Considering that she had messed up the hair earlier on, I can't IMAGINE what you were thinking giving her permission to even do a trim. Really, this is your own fault. These girls shouldn't be cutting anyone's hair. Maybe both you and your eldest daughter should get this bad haircut to learn your lesson lol