sex out of loneliness?

Question

ive never done it before (im 18) and i'm a year out of high school. my high school friends and i had issues at the start of this year and we've cut all ties with eachother, and i've been having a really hard time finding people that i can relate to at university. My high school ex boyfriend whose been a real prick to me in the past asked if i wanted to have sex with him. I think i do, but im just worried that i may be doing it out of loneliness, as though i'm craving social inclusion so much that i'd settle for sex if i cant have true friends. Gosh i'm such a mess....so anyway, What do you think? does it seem as though i'm doing it for the reasons listed above, cos i just dont know anymore

Answer 1

You obviously dont like him and know what a dick he has been, why are you gonna have sex with him.

Answer 2

I'm not talking down to you when I say this but sex is a huge step and you need to wait until you're ready or mature enough to take that step and having sex just to have sex without truly enjoying is not a healthy thing to do, because if you do this, you'll only dig yourself in a bigger hole than what you were and only attract the freaks who find you an "easy" target. So, don't have sex for the wrong reasons and I know you're 18 and of age but you should wait until you're a little older(at least 20) because both of us tend to do things we regret at 18 because of peer pressure and bad choices made due to it. Also like others' have said, get out of high school mode. This is a place where you don't have to worry about changing for someone else. Colleges and Universities have such a diversity of people; eventually some cool "normal" people will notice you and will become you best friends. Get out there. Initiate conversation with people you think seem interesting. If you don't like them anymore; well you're not entitled to have to hang with a group you don't like. Keep your chin up and find other people. You will find your group. Promise! Good luck with everything and smile!

Answer 3

Honestly, I can relate to you on that stance.

I'm not going to down talk you for feeling the way you do and possibly considering having sex with your ex out of sheer loneliness.
Hey the way I see it is, shi* happens right? I mean we can't all get what we want, when we want it and how we want it.

I'm not saying go sleep around just because you're feeling a little lonely either, but all thoughts considered here, and since you know your ex etc. I don't really see too much harm in having a heated session in bed with him. Although there can be some fallbacks to it also, just make sure you think about those too before you dive in the sheets.

*Look all I am saying is that we all have our own "issues" and how we feel we need to deal with them. So if having sex with your ex will make you feel slightly better, then I don't see a problem with it at all.

However I do think it would be wise for you to take a minute or two and check yourself and your feelings, and try to figure out why you honestly feel the way you do.
Then figure out a way or way(s) to change that, and make it something good :)

Answer 4

I agree with many others that say don't have sex for the sake of having sex, it will only make you sad. I think you already know that though, or you wouldn't have posed it as a question. Sometimes we need someone else to tell us that even though it sounds better than nothing we know it isn't exactly what we want.

I go to college too and I know that most campuses have a million different clubs you can join. What do you like doing, what are your hobbies, religious affiliation? Try getting into one of the organizations on campus. You can often find others who are looking for a friend and you will already have something in common. It is hard that first year away from home. I remember feeling lost and sad; this is a great time though, reach out and find someone else lonely like you, they're everywhere!!!

Good Luck.

Answer 5

What you said is very true.. You're craving acceptance, and having sex is a surefire way to feel 'wanted'. However, being 'wanted' will only last as long as the relationship. Your ex probably thinks that you will say yes in hopes of regaining a friend, and he will try to take advantage of that. Also, from a more emotional side... when you do that for the first time, don't you want it to be with someone you love, and to be able to share with them things that no body else has tainted? I wish you luck, hon.....

Answer 6

Well I have been in your shoes and while it feels good at the time, it doesn't feel so good later. Having the affection from someone while you are lacking it from others feels great until they leave or go home. Then you are just left feeling like scum and wanting more. It is honestly not worth it in the long run. Focus your time and energy in trying to mend your relationship with your old buddies or trying to find new ones. You need someone who can be there all the time for you and not someone who only wants to be around for a piece of a**.

Answer 7

Don't do it for loneliness, you ex doesn't want yo back, he just wants to take your virginity away from you, to brag to his friends. When you have sex, do it because you really want to, not because you want to feel included or accepted. I know what its like to feel lonely. I am in grad school, and despite having numerous individuals in my department whom i spend a great deal of time with, I still feel like an outsider, who has only been reluctantly included.

If its friendship you want, perhaps you should try to reoncile with some of your old HS friends, keep in mind though, that you can never get back the old days. Or you can make new ones. There are lots of organizations on campus that you can get involved with, just don't let them get in the way of your studies. At the same time, don't try to maintain friendships through text messages, it just won't work.

Answer 8

yes it does sound like you are welling to have sex out of loneliness,which is the wrong reason,that is not to say that you are a bad person,i know i have done the same.i think what you need to do is try to figure out why you can not make friend?there has to be people at the university that you can relate to,just take a long hard look at yourself,if need be,go get some help,the best of luck to you. if you would like i would be happy to I M with you.

Answer 9

Never have sex just because you want to get it out the way. I t should be special. You will NEVER get a time to do it over. Its up to you but dont waste something that is sacred. Your body should be given to someone that deserves it and appreciates you for who you are. You have to respect your body to get respect from someone else. If this guy has been a real prick to you in the past he is certainly not a candidate for someone that deserves for you to share that special part of yourself to them. Theres no rush to have sex trust me. You have plenty of time. You are not missing anything. Along with sex comes a lot of responsibility. Ask yourself if you are ready for that also. I would wait. Tell yourself you worth it!

Answer 10

Sounds to me like your ex is just taking advantage of you. Don't give him what he wants (which is a cheap attempt at sex by way of telling you he understands you). Give yourself some time. Go out and meet new people. Which is something you won't do if you limit yourself. Sure, your ex friends have hurt you.. but there are plenty of people out there that would like you for YOU. Get yourself out in to the game, girl. Have fun and most of all respect yourself. You are worth much more than just a random roll in the sack. Best of luck.

Answer 11

Dont do it love, I went there with exactly the same situation and it messes your head up completely! I now have no confidence with my body and am just starting to go out again with new friends. Im getting married next year now and look back at my past and know for a fact that people look down on me becuase I had so many one night stands!! Its not worth the hassle babe honestly x x