What would you think if someone said this to you...?

Question

'Are you sure you know what you are doing?'

By getting married.

We are getting married in June next year, my fiance called his cousin and she asked him to take her off loudspeaker and she asked him the above question.

She has never met me, I am courteous and say to my fiance 'tell your cousin I said hi'

I would not expect a woman who got married only 2 years ago to say this!

But I personally think she is not happy because her hubby works long hours as a manager at Macdonalds (!) while she is a stay at home mom and does not work, she has 2 kids, 3 and 9.

I however, earn my own money and very independent.
I have told my fiance that I do not want her at the wedding if she feels like this!


Why are women so spiteful?

I have been with my fiance for 4 years, no children, however, I thinnkn she had her kids before she married so she feels that (nothings changed)

Ruby I agree wholeheartledly agree with you!

Answer 1

My guess is she regrets her own decision and is using the opportunity to put the lesson she learned to some good. I wouldn't take offense to it, I'd just think that she was trying to save me from making the same mistake she believed herself to have made.

Answer 2

Well, why have you been together for 4 yrs and not met?

If someone you loved was going to get married and you hadn't met that person yet, wouldn't you wonder?
The 4 of you should start getting together to get to know eachother - then maybe she may feel more at ease -
It's nothing personal - how can it be? she never met you!
Start talking on the phone -maybe ask her about her wedding and for some possible ideas, or if she has any wedding magazines, or wedding shops that she enjoyed.
Don't take it personal - she just doesn't know you!

Answer 3

I don't think she is being spiteful, but rather maybe a little protective of a cousin she cares about and probably younger than her wanting him to make sure he's doing what he really wants to do at this time in his life. I'm sure things may be different between you and her if you get the chance to meet and know her before the wedding next June, if the opportunity comes up. Don't be in such snap judgement of people to be so defensive about the way some relatives interact.

Answer 4

She's never met you so has absolutely nothing to judge you on. That your fiance told you what she said means that he is certainly sure he's doing the right thing- if he had any inkling he would have kept quiet. It is likely she is unhappy, and was spiteful and unkind, don't let her words hurt you and when you meet her be polite and kind- be the bigger person and I'm sure you'll have no problems. Have a fantastic day, and enjoy the rest of your lives together.

Answer 5

Sounds like she may be projecting her own sense of unhappiness. She may have said this out of genuine concern but is not judging the scenario from an unbiased standpoint. Be the bigger person, invite her to the wedding - she may not come, if she does perhaps some of your happiness will rub off, if not, at least her children will have witnessed what I hope will be the start of a truly joyous marriage for you and your fiance.

Answer 6

You are taking this waaaaaaay to personally. She has nothing against you because as you said, you don't know each other. She is actually giving her cousin really good advice. She didn't say, "don't get married", she said "are you sure you know what you are doing". There's a big difference between those two statements. You and your fiance should both be sure that you know what you're doing. She is not being spiteful and you're being judgemental about her lifestyle. Lighten up, you'll be happier.

Answer 7

My sister-in-law said something like that to my husband a year before we were married. I didn't want her at our wedding, either, but he insisted. I don't think she even remembers the comment, and I feel bad harboring resentment about it. Looking back, I think it is because she and I are about the same age... however I finished college and began working much earlier than she did. She is still very immature and not ready to get married. I think she made the mistake of thinking that we are the same, much like your cousin might have. My advice is to forgive it... your fiance obviously knows what he's doing.

Answer 8

some people are just like that, I'm getting married in June of next year also, and I've been asked the same question, but listen don't fight fire with fire OK! When you told you fiance you didn't want her at the wedding that's just entertaining her bull, tell him she is more than welcome to come see a real loving couple make a commitment before god, friends, and family members that love them and want to share in this very special moment of our life. NOW, if you tell that bitter woman she's not welcome due to the fact that she has a personal opinion on who and what should go on in your fiancee life she going to try to turn it into something else trust me I'm going through i right now and i wished I'd just ignored their dumb asses and just went on. she has said she can't come to the wedding because i don't like her, she forgot what led up to my decision not to allow her to come or be apart of the wedding.

Answer 9

First of all Congratulations!

Before we even got engaged a woman in my then bf's family asked the same question and I'm extremely grateful that he asked her,"Why would you ask that?" Even though I found her answer extremely insulting we were able to brush off her comment because it had little validity to our lives. You seem to know why this cousin asked such a horrid question so brush it off also you're allowed to not want negative people at your wedding. If you have to invite her don't let her presence get you down!

Answer 10

A lot of people say this as a joke. Don't take it to seriously. I hear it a lot when young people get married. By that I mean people in their early 20. Most feel it is too young to get married.

You might be right that she herself is not happy. I know many woman who have a workaholic husband and are not happy about it. Would you?

Answer 11

This is a very common question from family that is concerned about your happiness and want you to think of the years ahead. And if you really know the person. I wouldn't find it spiteful at all. She just cares about him. Worst thing you could do is not have her at your wedding, that is spiteful.=======